General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: I'm The Duke University Freshman Porn Star And For The First Time I'm Telling The Story In My Words [View all]Blue_Adept
(6,406 posts)First, let's remember that porn is about as realistic as hollywood is with movies. Outside of sports, when you get the mainstream media talking about something, they're often so disconnected from the reality of it that for those that are passionate about something, seeing it talked about is like coming from another world. I grew up being a Dungeons & Dragons fan in the 80's and the media hysteria about it was so disconnected from the reality that it really was eye-opening.
Anyway. BDSM is all about power and control to be sure, and it's also NOT just a female being dominated aspect. BDSM covers a range of configurations and my initial introduction to it was watching dominatrix videos where the men give over the power to the women. There's that, male dominating female, male/male and female/female as well. Talking solely about male over female isn't the thing to do because there is a LOT of all these kinds out there.
BDSM is not about taking turns as you state. What works for some doesn't work for others. Introductions to it often comes through the lighter layers that some people do find uncomfortable. Examples include spanking (which I've seen classified here as sexual violence) and other forms of agressiveness. A lot of the time, there is no actual intercourse involved with BDSM. It's about one partner placing trust and power in another - though the truth is that the one that is having the acts done on them is the one in control. Safe words and trust is huge in this and if not there, people do not engage in it. Other aspects that lead people into it includes such things as hair pulling, a hand around the neck and so forth.
These things lead many people to try other things that will give them pleasure and achieve that sexual high that they want. They can go from enjoying your usual standard positions regularly but wanting something that they'll classify as "special" with partners. For the majority, it's not a regular thing. BDSM porn, which we've said is not reality, is something that lets people see other things they can do, experiment and try to see what kind of pleasure it gives them.
My own experiences with BDSM came from a younger female partner that had some experiences with it and wanted to try more. It's not always for everyone. While the usual positions were really fun and we were strongly connected there, she also really enjoyed the forcefulness of BDSM that can come into play, with being slapped across the face one that took me some time to adjust to. There's a trust that comes from that when your partner teaches you what makes them feel good and that they trust you enough to do it right and safely. That person I have long since felt that I knew and connected with better than any of my other sexual partners because of what we experienced.