"MY 12 year old is pregnant. FOR REAL."...

[TeeYiYi]

This is a subthread that needs some DU love. The subthread was started late last night and is continuing into today. You may not know about it because the OP is from February so posting to the thread no longer kicks it to the top of GD.

The poster is new to DU and I believe sincerely could use some advice. I gave it a shot but I don't have the answers for her.

Her name is MichelleB and she is new to DU. Welcome MichelleB! I truly hope that reposting your first post in GD gets you some answers. (She can't post her own OP yet... I'll post a link to this new thread in the other subthread.)

Link to original thread where I found her post: http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=2658955

MichelleB (3 posts)
37. MY 12 year old is pregnant. FOR REAL.

This is gunna sound truly crazy but my daughter who is twelve is pregnant. I am so not happy about it. And I'm trying to find out what my rights are. I live in the state of Vermont, and seem to have no rights. I have begge and pleaded for her to abort. I've showed her all the medical risks and labor videos. And still all I get is, nothing. She seems to think shed be a murderer. But to carry on is murder to her self. She won't listen to reason or anything else. Now, because she's so young, I'm responsibile to make sure she's going to appointments and all else. But I have no say weather she keeps it or not?? She's only in the 7th grade. Not even in high school. Never even changed a diaper. And no, I'm not a parent that lets there children go gallavanting at all hours and acting like little hood rats. Simply put, she lied to me about where she was going and who she was going with. Long story short we find ourself in this situation. A f'ed up crappy one at that. She's only 7 weeks and her hands and feet are already so swollen it hurts for her o walk. If anyone has any legal information to help me with, PLEASE do so. Or any moms in this situation PLEASE HELP. I'm dying on the inside!!


Rhiannon12866 (53,826 posts)
38. I am so sorry for your dilemma, MichelleB!

Since this discussion was from February, you might get a better response if you posted in one of these groups. Welcome to DU and hope that you get both support and some answers here.


Parenting (Group)
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1160

Pro-Choice (Group)
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1152

Vermont (Group)
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1080


MichelleB (3 posts)
39. Thanks!!

thanks!! Unfortunately I haven't responded to enough links to start my own? Kinda odd. Anyway, in this situation, due to the whole patient privacy acts, I never had to be informed that she was pregnant. Yet because she went to planned parenthood, because I had scheduled the appointment, they contacted DCF and I know have them watching to make sure I make her go to all the appointments. Yet I don't have to be informed of them?? And when at the appointment, she had no idea WHAT a spectulm was or what it did. She was all for aborting until the boyfriend had something to say about it. He'd leave her. She was a murderer and everything else he could fill her head with. Doctors told her about her risks but she doesn't acknowledge. Yet, she didn't even know what the term bowel movement was!! Not that u would really expect a twelve year old too!! Yet.. Once again.. I get no say. I don't understand how that works. But god forbid she's not making the appointments!! I'm held responsible!! Not to mention, I'm not in a good spot financially yet who will end up paying for it?? She can't. She is t even old enough to get welfare. So what to do??


Rhiannon12866 (53,826 posts)
40. Perhaps you need to talk to an attorney?

Since she is a young child and you are responsible for her, wouldn't you be her medical proxy? If would also help if you had a sympathetic doctor or someone at Planned Parenthood who's experienced in counseling who could speak to her.

The dangers are obvious, but what about the rest of her life? Teenagers have trouble looking ahead and seeing the big picture, only live in the now, so I can't imagine how it is with a 12-year-old child. She's certainly not old enough to live on her own, get a job, and legally she needs to be in school.

Do you know the boyfriend's parents? A touchy subject, especially if he's just as young, but they have to be having the same feelings that you are, if they know. I'd find a responsible counselor, someone she sees as impartial who might be able to explain the facts to her who she might listen to.

You really do have a dilemma and there has to be some help out there. And someone on DU might be able to steer you in the right direction... You can start your own thread after 10 replies.


MichelleB (3 posts)
41. So frustrating.

Yes. As a minor, I am her proxy but when it comes to this, the abortion law is her body her choice. And if she was even 15, though I wouldn't want that either, I wouldn't try to push abortion on her. But she's not even old enough to know what the term bowel movement is yet!! She's not responsible or mature enough to make that choice. She doesn't know what it's like to be pregnant. She hasn't even had a babysitting job yet!! Never mind that she's only had her period a year and just started blooming. She doesn't even where a coat with out an argument!! What does that say?? I've talked to family court and I'm told there really isn't much I can do. The boyfriends parents want her to keep it!! That'd crazy!! He's 15. She's not. An yet nothing I can do. I think in this situation it should be my choice and not hers. As she just doesn't kno what's best for herself yet!!


Rhiannon12866 (53,826 posts)
42. Well, I happen to agree with you. She's way too young to make such decisions.

And this is her life you're talking about. She has no idea at such a young age. Perhaps you could talk to someone at Planned Parenthood or to a counselor to advise her. Certainly no one her own age can possibly have a clue. She's just a child, so can't be expected to understand, and it makes no sense that the boyfriend's parents can't realize that. We're not even talking about a teenager here. Since you are her medical proxy, and her parent and guardian, that should count for a lot. I'd still consult a lawyer and/or an experienced counselor, since it's not just a difference of opinion, but a child who needs help to make a decision that's in her own interest, which she's just not capable of at such a young age. I am so sorry that you're faced with this...


TeeYiYi (4,506 posts)
43. Michelle, I just want to say...

...that I am so sorry for your situation. A very enlightening and thought provoking post. Btw, welcome to DU.

You've got me thinking about something that I never imagined might be an issue. As I sit here, not in your position, I tell myself that if I were in your situation I would have taken my daughter to the doctor or PP and had them give her the morning after pill. That shows you how ignorant I am on such things.

My next step would be the abortion but I'm sitting her stunned to find out that you have no say in this matter. That you can't, as the mother of a 12 year old daughter, authorize her to receive an abortion.

Maybe you could take her to some kind of counseling to try to help her choose the abortion on her own.

I not some crazy pro abortion advocate that pushes abortion on everyone. I just think that if there was ever a case for early pregnancy termination, this would be it.

Having a baby is not a decision that should be taken lightly, and should in the real world, be given plenty of forethought and planning. Decisions that your daughter is not mature enough to make or emotionally capable of making at her age. She is still a child!

My opinion, possibly not a popular opinion, is that accidental pregnancy in a 12 year old girl, for whatever reason, should be treated as an illness/accident and treated accordingly. Your child gets pneumonia, you give them penicillin. Broken arm, you have the break set with a cast. Pregnancy...you terminate the pregnancy.

Ok, I've gone on long enough. I'm just so surprised that you don't have more legal say in your situation.

I wish you the best.

TYY


In_The_Wind (40,523 posts)
44. Welcome to DU, MichelleB.

How is your primary care physician handling your daughter's current medical problems brought on by this pregnancy? She needs counseling with a social worker.

TYY