I wonder why the Creepublicans haven't publicly come out against puppies yet?

"Did you know that there is an entire segment of American society that pays virtually NO TAXES, and feeds off the compassion of everyday Americans (LIKE YOURSELF!), and has done so with IMPUNITY since the beginnings of this great Republic? I'm talking about PETS, my friend! PETS ARE PEOPLE TOO, I think we can all agree on that... so where's their money? Huh? Where is it? I mean, there's cute and there's cute... but evading taxes is NOT cute. I heard about this cat who plays piano! If you can afford to learn to play a musical instrument, then by god, you can afford to pay your fair share! It's time to call these furry little sponges out for what they are: Leeches draining our public coffers dry. And don't even start with me about the dogfood business. People can eat dogfood. I eat dogfood sometimes. It's good," said a beaming, glowing (literally) John Boehner from the well of the House floor, without the slightest trace of humor in his weird wax-like face.

Man's best friend, or incredibly lazy bastards?

"Get your loafers? I got your loafers RIGHT HERE."


Domestic animals tend to CONVENIENTLY ignore the fact that
no one's going to hire someone who isn't even wearing pants!

He's like a pimple that just won't go away...