History of Feminism

Nay

(12,051 posts)

30. Thank you for writing this. It's very painful to realize that, to some other

Thu Jan 1, 2015, 01:26 PM

Jan 2015

humans, you are just a piece of meat for them to use as they like, whether it's sexual, a robbery, bullying, or whatever.

As a woman, I have been on the receiving end of this sort of shit all my life, and I can sympathize with you and offer you a bit of advice. As you've noticed, you blame yourself for some of his actions; I can totally understand that, as I did the same. As I matured, I unpacked a lot of those feelings and looked at them -- with the perspective that I certainly wasn't to blame for being a victim, BUT that in the future, I could possibly protect myself more effectively in such encounters. May I suggest you start that process with the book below?

I found great help in a book called "The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals that Protect Us against Violence" by Gavin de Becker. He understands the reactions you (and I) had during our first instances of harassment/attack and describes them, and then goes on to describe how to better protect yourself in the future. It was a mind-opening and life-changing book for me. I have recommended it to dozens of people over the years and all have been changed (for the good) by it.

Good luck to you and all of us out there who have suffered this.

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I was sexually harassed for the first time today. Thoughts that have been running through my head. [View all] F4lconF16 Dec 2014 OP

Glad you are alright. It does shake you. nt Mnemosyne Dec 2014 #1

Thank you. nt F4lconF16 Dec 2014 #8

I quit a job once due to sexual harasment that included touching my butt. Vattel Dec 2014 #2

I'm glad the bosses I have at my two jobs would very much F4lconF16 Dec 2014 #9

Message auto-removed Name removed Dec 2014 #22

take heart. those people are pathetic. I have gone through brutal harassment in my roguevalley Dec 2014 #3

I almost felt pity for him. F4lconF16 Dec 2014 #10

Now you know what women feel like vlyons Dec 2014 #4

Yes, I am doing well now. F4lconF16 Dec 2014 #11

I don't know if you carry a cell phone but you avebury Dec 2014 #5

That's a good idea, and one I actually just did recently. F4lconF16 Dec 2014 #12

Also set it up to that anything that is recorded is avebury Dec 2014 #16

I understand. I'm sure a lot of us M&F have been hassled when we most don't want to deal .. BlueJazz Dec 2014 #6

Thanks :) F4lconF16 Dec 2014 #13

I'm sorry this happened to you. It was good of you to come here and make these points, also. n/t spooky3 Dec 2014 #7

Thankfully it was not worse. F4lconF16 Dec 2014 #14

That's fucked up ismnotwasm Dec 2014 #15

Thank you for sharing, I have no doubt many here can relate..glad your okay AuntPatsy Dec 2014 #17

Bless you for this wryter2000 Dec 2014 #18

Post removed Post removed Jan 2015 #24

Oh, I wish that was possible KitSileya Jan 2015 #25

In this case, it sounded like the harasser was a stranger, or at best, an acquaintance whathehell Jan 2015 #26

I don't know what it would be like for a man, KitSileya Jan 2015 #32

So you are believe whathehell Jan 2015 #34

Heck no! I am so anti-gun it's not even funny. KitSileya Jan 2015 #35

Maybe if he wasn't wearing that awesome jacket... chervilant Jan 2015 #27

You need to drop the snark -- It's quite misguided. whathehell Jan 2015 #31

I stand by my assertion chervilant Jan 2015 #36

I never challenged your assertion and you know it. whathehell Jan 2015 #38

... chervilant Jan 2015 #40

This message was self-deleted by its author JTFrog Jan 2015 #39

Did you call the cops? termroffor Dec 2014 #19

rollin eyes. you guys really are very boring and tedious. seabeyond Dec 2014 #20

This message was self-deleted by its author chrisa Dec 2014 #23

And, predictable... n/t chervilant Jan 2015 #28

f4, a very illuminating retelling of your experience. seabeyond Dec 2014 #21

Thank you. F4lconF16 Jan 2015 #44

The fear and guilt can be a lifetime "sentence" chervilant Jan 2015 #29

What do you mean by "focusing on the courage inherent in surviving is helpful"? F4lconF16 Jan 2015 #41

I will give you a personal example first: chervilant Jan 2015 #45

Thank you for writing this. It's very painful to realize that, to some other Nay Jan 2015 #30

I'll go take a look at it. F4lconF16 Jan 2015 #42

Thank you for sharing this. KitSileya Jan 2015 #33

+ a gazillion chervilant Jan 2015 #37

You and someone else have both said something I very much agree with. F4lconF16 Jan 2015 #43

I am glad that you feel much better. KitSileya Jan 2015 #46