Bernie should drop out RIGHT NOW!

[Shemp Howard]

My three-point advice to Bernie:

1. Drop out now. But first make a quick deal with the presumed nominee. Drop out in return for a cabinet post. That's technically illegal, but laws don't really matter anymore. Pick a prominent cabinet post, one where you can jet around the world interfering in everybody's business.

2. Start a Foundation. Collect money, lots of money, from the nations you are visiting on your trips. Then grant them favors, like arms deals and such. That's also technically illegal, but again, laws don't really matter anymore.

3. Start writing boiler-plate speeches to give to big corporations once you leave office. Those companies will pay you $250,000 a pop for vague generalities, just because they love you. That's morally suspect, but it's perfectly legal.

Oh, wait a minute. My advice requires moral compromises. Bernie doesn't roll that way. Never mind, Senator Sanders. Fight on until the convention!