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bcbink

(71 posts)

236. we are maladaptive.

Reply to viva la (Reply #133)

Wed May 8, 2024, 08:31 AM

May 8

I think I will keep that. Maybe a nice sticker
Beware! She's maladaptived

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Of bears and men: How big does a risk have to be before you "have to" walk around scared? [View all] Silent3 May 7 OP

In a word leftieNanner May 7 #1

If you were a woman you'd know the answer. Ocelot II May 7 #2

Don't forget that even cloistered nuns interact with a priest in a confessional. wnylib May 7 #109

And worst of all? NanaCat May 8 #202

I wouldn't say I walk around scared, I walk around prepared. LNM May 7 #3

There's no animosity here, just wondering how much women are self-terrifying themselves... Silent3 May 7 #10

This kind of feels like the definition of "mansplaining". Crunchy Frog May 7 #23

Yes, it does and you're right, we don't care. Brenda May 8 #214

+1 betsuni May 8 #221

Deliberate obtuseness is not attractive Hekate May 7 #28

Please, spell out what I'm being obtuse about Silent3 May 7 #32

I'd dare say most women Sparkly May 7 #39

You need to work on your empathy wryter2000 May 7 #42

So, you do request performative empathy? Silent3 May 7 #49

"On average, there are 463,634 victims (age 12 or older) of rape and sexual assault each year in the United States." viva la May 7 #94

This message was self-deleted by its author raccoon May 8 #192

What do you know about "real world risks" for women? wnylib May 7 #120

Risk, in the statistical sense, has nothing to do with personal experience Silent3 May 7 #123

Statistics also fall short of reality. If you don't know that yet, it's time you learned. wnylib May 8 #170

+1 betsuni May 8 #178

Co-sign! Dorian Gray May 8 #195

Well said mcar May 8 #245

I remember when a man-friend explained to me that menstrual cramps came from being anxious--- viva la May 7 #126

You have a whole thread of women Dorian Gray May 8 #194

No, we expect you to, you know... NanaCat May 8 #207

Dude. As a man, I suggest you stop. Risk is 1:1 for women who are victimized. Caliman73 May 8 #286

What makes you think MorbidButterflyTat May 8 #290

You are mansplaining, not being "empathetic. " As you're a DUer since the beginning, I expect more of you. Hekate May 7 #62

I'm bringing up a tricky topic that I know a lot of people would steer clear of, not "mansplaining" Silent3 May 7 #66

Or you could, you know, just not say anything about Crunchy Frog May 7 #124

Why should one feel so afraid to discuss such things? Silent3 May 7 #138

Why don't you make a new post about how black men should stop exaggerating the risks Crunchy Frog May 7 #148

If a black man were choosing, say, being in a locked room with a hungry lion rather than an average cop... Silent3 May 8 #174

You never said anything in your previous posts about being locked in a room with a hungry bear or lion. Crunchy Frog May 8 #220

Perfect idea. And you know what? ... Hekate May 8 #302

I've always respected this poster in the past. Crunchy Frog May 8 #305

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE NanaCat May 8 #209

3% can't do that Sucha NastyWoman May 8 #222

Nobody was asking for any kind of empathy from you Dorian Gray May 8 #197

If all you can offer when women tell you how bloody-minded NanaCat May 8 #208

See my post #111. wnylib May 7 #114

It's mansplaining NanaCat May 8 #204

+1 betsuni May 8 #211

Thanks for the mansplaining. NanaCat May 8 #206

Thank you for your concern. viva la May 7 #92

Who said anything that has anything to do with this reply of yours? Silent3 May 7 #96

Oh, never mind. viva la May 7 #98

The fact that women who have no experience with actual bears MontanaMama May 7 #105

Actual bears can usually be scared off. When hiking in Glacier Park a few years ago Ocelot II May 8 #264

Absolutely. MontanaMama May 8 #280

If you're not female, your real world risks are not the same as a woman's real world experiences wnylib May 7 #111

Experiences obviously change feelings of fear Silent3 May 7 #116

Wow. Talk about clueless. You mention one dog attack making wnylib May 8 #168

Take this all back to the man/bear thing, and risk assessment Silent3 May 8 #169

Why Dorian Gray May 8 #198

I wonder about the obsession with bears. Mythology about women marrying bears? betsuni May 8 #215

I think he's having an emotional response to an online meme Dorian Gray May 8 #219

Could also be a bear-envy thing. betsuni May 8 #232

I heard they're really hung MorbidButterflyTat May 8 #291

There was a bestseller in the 70s about a woman moving out to the woods and having an affair with a bear AZSkiffyGeek May 8 #308

Will you shut up? NanaCat May 8 #210

"THE MAN/BEAR THING." betsuni May 8 #212

Why wouldn't you possible be frightened in either scenario? robbob May 8 #253

Thank you, wnylib!! TSExile May 8 #244

I'm so sorry for your experience and the effect that it has had on you. wnylib May 8 #318

wnylib, you speak for so many of us. Diamond_Dog May 8 #314

I speak from my own experience, but I know wnylib May 8 #317

What are you doing? bcbink May 8 #233

The number of sexual assaults MontanaMama May 8 #281

It's called Woman's Intuition. Happyone May 10 #329

At 12 years old Dorian Gray May 8 #193

But ... but ... but ... STATISTICS AND BEARS! We're not only getting worked up about nothing, we're stupid too! betsuni May 8 #205

I never experienced an assault myself at that age, but Crunchy Frog May 8 #306

Men are afraid women will laugh at them. 3catwoman3 May 7 #4

I'm trying to compare real risk vs. what people fear, whatever the odds might be. Silent3 May 7 #13

Real risk wryter2000 May 7 #37

I'm specifically refering to "stranger danger" Silent3 May 7 #44

Then, there's your problem wryter2000 May 7 #59

That's not my problem. That's my POINT. Silent3 May 7 #71

LADIES! How many have been groped, assaulted, fondled, chased, by a stranger? viva la May 7 #129

How many bears have you run into in real life? Silent3 May 7 #136

As a matter of fact, I have encountered a couple grizzlies-- viva la May 7 #143

Standing, what, ten feet way from you? Silent3 May 7 #145

I'm not sure what you are getting at? viva la May 7 #149

For the actually risk assessment... Silent3 May 8 #153

Okay, for the lulz, let me point out that we don't usually let bears on the subway. viva la May 8 #158

The internet man/bear discussion is all about Silent3 May 8 #161

I spent every day of ages 10-mid-50s NanaCat May 8 #223

+1 betsuni May 8 #226

20% of sexual assaults are at the hands of a stranger. Scrivener7 May 7 #65

While a young lady in college Texasgal May 8 #321

And "being killed" is not the only risk. viva la May 7 #100

Women are routinely harassed, raped, and/or killed. What do you want? Prurient details? Hm? Hekate May 7 #47

You're off on your own agenda... Silent3 May 8 #166

That's what I'm suspecting. MorbidButterflyTat May 8 #293

Further down I do ask... Hekate May 8 #296

How about statistics on domestic abuse, rape or other sexual spooky3 May 7 #48

Those are thing things I contrasted to "stranger danger" as more truly risky Silent3 May 7 #51

When are you going to "get it" that this question is not literally spooky3 May 7 #58

My OP clearly makes in plain I'm talking about the "degree to which women reasonably feel unsafe" Silent3 May 7 #106

What makes you think you know anything about the degree to which women feel unsafe? Scrivener7 May 7 #131

And overcoming a confrontational, hostile approach to this discussion... Silent3 May 7 #134

So you've heard women talk about feeling unsafe and you figured you'd school all of us about Scrivener7 May 7 #137

My OP isn't "schooling" anyone about anything Silent3 May 7 #139

Yep. You're right. I do have you pegged. Scrivener7 May 7 #142

So, what's the point of discussing anything with someone who takes that attitude? Silent3 May 8 #156

I'm guessing you don't see the irony in your post. Scrivener7 May 8 #157

Likewise, I'm sure. n/t Silent3 May 8 #159

We are not talking about men being killed by men. MontanaMama May 7 #108

Common denominator in your post? North Shore Chicago May 8 #196

You might want to just stop with this thread and just fucking listen. Cuthbert Allgood May 8 #265

I'll listen to responses which address what I actually said... Silent3 May 8 #267

OK, here's another clue for you. Cuthbert Allgood May 8 #270

Nope Silent3 May 8 #273

I knew some people enjoyed the taste of sand Dorian Gray May 8 #275

You said that women are walking around with unnecessary fear Dorian Gray May 8 #274

While the majority of homicide victims are men killed by strangers, MontanaMama May 8 #283

SO. WHAT. MorbidButterflyTat May 8 #292

Years ago, when I worked nights... TSExile May 7 #5

There's certainly nothing wrong with being prepared Silent3 May 7 #15

What level of fear is acceptable to you? And where are you seeing Scrivener7 May 7 #19

It has nothing to do with what's acceptible to me Silent3 May 7 #26

So this is you "talking us down?" Seriously dude, I think you don't understand just Scrivener7 May 7 #35

There's not a single thing I said against talking precautions Silent3 May 7 #107

The things on which you have based this whole discussion on, the man vs. bear discussion and the Scrivener7 May 7 #115

"You are the one who made the irrational assumption that women's use of precautions amount to a 'self-torment'" Silent3 May 7 #118

Nope. It's not. It's you making the irrational assumption that the precautions women take Scrivener7 May 7 #122

Nope, you're adding a layer of meaning that isn't there. Silent3 May 7 #127

Nope. I'm not. The man vs. bear discussion is about choosing a lesser danger. The Scrivener7 May 7 #130

Outsized fears? TSExile May 7 #25

But isn't that like suffering PTSD? Silent3 May 7 #30

But MANY of us have experienced that and/or other violence from men. Sparkly May 7 #45

No, it's not. She reasonably is concerned that spooky3 May 7 #53

What about my position is "indefensible"? Silent3 May 7 #63

Do you understand that this is a cruel and disgusting comment to make to a victim Scrivener7 May 7 #55

They do not understand MontanaMama May 7 #112

What bothers me most is that I think he DOES fully understand. Scrivener7 May 7 #117

Indeed. MontanaMama May 7 #135

You're exaggerating the fear Dorian Gray May 8 #200

Back during the gender wars on DU, some women said they assume Scrivener7 May 7 #6

Heck, Laz said he'd prefer to meet a bear than a lone man in the woods. haele May 7 #64

I'd rather face the bear NanaCat May 8 #225

Previous to this thread, I was one of the few who said the man, but now I want to make a caveat: not the OP. Scrivener7 May 8 #254

hah! Dorian Gray May 8 #276

What percent of women have been assaulted by a man at some point in their life? RockRaven May 7 #7

Yes, but we're not allowed to "get all worked up about it." Scrivener7 May 7 #8

The question is assault out of the blue in the kind of situation the bear/man thing is about. n/t Silent3 May 7 #14

And how many women have been assaulted by a bear NanaCat May 8 #227

When asked, a good number of men choose the bear, too. -nt CrispyQ May 7 #9

Besides... TSExile May 7 #11

I have never actually done any of those things. PoindexterOglethorpe May 7 #12

Thank you for being one of the few women who doesn't see my post itself as an attack Silent3 May 7 #17

I haven't seen anyone demonizing men, but the risks are absolutely real. Crunchy Frog May 7 #16

I don't think either of us has real stats here... no sure where I'd even look for them Silent3 May 7 #21

I honestly just don't care what your opinion is on this subject. Crunchy Frog May 7 #27

Oh, but he's "talking us down" from our irrational "self-torment" doncha know? Scrivener7 May 7 #61

Oh, you know how we wimmenfolk get... Sky Jewels May 8 #181

Men just don't know the fear because they feel reasonably safe everywhere they go. Diamond_Dog May 7 #18

And let's just realize that someone who thinks this way on a jury-- or a judge at the trial viva la May 7 #103

All it takes is that one time being there in that place, that time when the opportunity presents itself to a predator. betsuni May 8 #155

To help you understand- MOMFUDSKI May 7 #20

But I also have to imagine how likely it is that a foot-taller man is going to grab me Silent3 May 7 #22

You do not understand the social construct of gender Sparkly May 7 #50

I'm a little confused. Sparkly May 7 #24

The question going around the internet is about meeting a bear vs. meeting a man while alone in the woods Silent3 May 7 #38

You do know that? Sparkly May 7 #52

It's in the stats Silent3 May 7 #56

Please explain? Sparkly May 7 #69

Someone else said 20% for self-reported Silent3 May 7 #73

Perhaps you could share a link to these stats? Sparkly May 7 #75

Here's on thing I just re-found Silent3 May 7 #78

This says 93% of JUVENILE victims knew the perps. Sparkly May 7 #83

I'm not sure where you're coming from Silent3 May 7 #87

Oh Kay. Sparkly May 7 #95

Don't bother with the sexist mansplainer NanaCat May 8 #228

Women have been murdered in parks mainer May 7 #29

Men have been murdered in parks too, but don't live in great fear of it Silent3 May 7 #34

Is there a certain level of assault by strangers in one's home, on a campus, and/or in a public place Sparkly May 7 #57

Of course there isn't NanaCat May 8 #229

This quote lets me know that you need help JanMichael May 7 #31

Oh, I knew I'd come across as tone-deaf to many Silent3 May 7 #33

Did you take precautions during COVID? If so, why did you do that? Scrivener7 May 7 #41

Congratulations then. The real world "truth" is that men attack women. JanMichael May 7 #60

I came here for an argument wryter2000 May 7 #68

A man who sneers at women's reaction viva la May 8 #251

It's a woman thing GenThePerservering May 7 #36

The statistics I've seen say that one in five women will be raped at some point in their lives. thucythucy May 7 #40

And 45% will experience sexual assault of some kind other than rape. Scrivener7 May 7 #43

Another stat that I read said 20 percent of MOMFUDSKI May 7 #54

Not strangers Daylily May 7 #46

Next stop for this train is GenThePerservering May 7 #67

There's no "lighten up" message here Silent3 May 7 #76

I would suggest you go no further GenThePerservering May 7 #77

This is where DU group-think gets to me Silent3 May 7 #81

Again, I will ask you: Did you take precautions against Covid before we Scrivener7 May 7 #82

Wow, you're impatient about that question. Silent3 May 7 #89

In case you are sincere... Sparkly May 7 #88

Yes, "free range parenting" is exactly the kind of analogy that fits the kind of point I'm trying to make n/t Silent3 May 7 #91

Hey, Mr. MRA. Brenda May 8 #224

He's actually thinking we're all... hysterical, I guess? viva la May 7 #133

I like pancakes Silent3 May 7 #144

You obviously get a kick out of trolling women. viva la May 7 #146

No, I do get a kick out of trolling people who... Silent3 May 7 #150

Enough. You haven't listened to any of us. You don't care. viva la May 7 #152

No, I dismiss most of what YOU say Silent3 May 8 #154

You know, it's almost hilarious how absolutely .... on point you are. viva la May 8 #162

No, I'm just mildly annoyed by a predictable type of response Silent3 May 8 #164

You are so viva la May 8 #171

LOL! The level of your projection is hilarious. Again, I'm going to guess you don't see the irony in this. Scrivener7 May 8 #213

Deleted viva la May 8 #249

Viva, check that post again. It's me replying to the mansplainer, not to you. Scrivener7 May 8 #250

Oh, okay. viva la May 8 #252

Poor dear. Scrivener7 May 7 #151

we are maladaptive. bcbink May 8 #236

I don't know. We might be past that. We've already been told that he is just Scrivener7 May 7 #80

Women are prey animals mainer May 7 #70

Interesting discussion. 1WorldHope May 7 #72

I see you are assiduously avoiding my question about whether you took Scrivener7 May 7 #74

Not assiduously avoiding, just took that as a rhetorical question, plus having a lot of posts to respond to Silent3 May 7 #85

So you did take precautions against encountering people who could do damage to you. Scrivener7 May 7 #90

See this post, "There's certainly nothing wrong with being prepared" Silent3 May 7 #93

Oh, gracious! We're allowed to be prepared! That's so good of you! Scrivener7 May 7 #104

In 2020 in Texas BigMin28 May 7 #79

"but jeez! Men aren't that dangerous!" Oh, really? viva la May 7 #84

Where do you get "Men aren't that dangerous!" out of the OP? Silent3 May 7 #101

Please go back and read the end of the original post. viva la May 7 #110

Women don't "walk around scared"- we are aware of our surroundings and potential predators at every moment ms liberty May 7 #86

I never said anything about or against simple preparedness Silent3 May 7 #99

No, it's not about walking around scared. Talk about missing the point! ms liberty May 7 #119

I'm not sure the stats exist to prove which is riskier, however Silent3 May 7 #132

I think you've mansplained enough. If you're still this clueless now, you're never gonna get it. ms liberty May 8 #235

I have done all those things, and I'm a guy. Only a few times, but I have done them. My wife has too, and says her Doodley May 7 #97

Assault by a male will happen to lone women more often - haele May 7 #102

You're describing it wrong. Imagine a jogger running with a dog stick ecstatic May 7 #113

My post has nothing to do with mere precautions Silent3 May 7 #121

The fear does not kick in until we're confronted with the threat. Not before. ecstatic May 7 #125

I'm not sure what you mean by "confronted with the threat" Silent3 May 7 #128

This might be a women are from Venus ecstatic May 8 #203

Means women are emotional and stupid and "demonize men" for no reason, men are rational and think about STATISTICS. betsuni May 8 #217

Men teach us to be wary from an early age. nolabear May 7 #140

I hope it isn't mansplaining ... Straw Man May 7 #141

Oops! Meant to type black bear Silent3 May 7 #147

You "don't want to seem callous"??? Then why did you post that niyad May 8 #160

Nope, no deletion. I usually avoid such topics... Silent3 May 8 #163

Sadly, I am not in the least surprised. Contrary to your last line, niyad May 8 #165

So PoindexterOglethorpe didn't get it, like you do, when she replied to me? Silent3 May 8 #167

You clearly don't care. MontanaMama May 8 #172

No, I really don't care... Silent3 May 8 #173

And yet here you are. MontanaMama May 8 #287

You can't even parse what I said I don't care about correctly. Silent3 May 8 #289

It's not snark. MontanaMama May 8 #294

... betsuni May 9 #324

One woman agreed with you. DOZENS of women and men disagreed with you. Scrivener7 May 8 #242

Why would anyone get defensive about women's experiences? Women "get all worked up about" "demonizing men"? betsuni May 8 #175

Who got defensive or worked up? Silent3 May 8 #176

... betsuni May 8 #177

Yep, now we come to the meat of the matter mcar May 8 #247

I know several women who have been raped by males. Sky Jewels May 8 #179

The sad reality is that men and women inhabit the same spaces very differently. Jedi Guy May 8 #180

Thank you. "resting axe murderer face" LOL! betsuni May 8 #190

Yeah, a friend of mine coined the "resting axe murderer face" a while back. Jedi Guy May 8 #237

+1000! mcar May 8 #248

Chance of being injured by a bear is 1 in 2.1 million. Chance of a woman being sexually assaulted is 1 in 4. meadowlander May 8 #182

The bear/man choice is about a single situation in which you will encounter one or the other Silent3 May 8 #183

Most bears won't automatically attack you either. meadowlander May 8 #184

The "absurd hypothetical" isn't my absurd hypothetical. It's been making the rounds of the internet. Silent3 May 8 #186

Oh, well if it's been going around the internet, then I guess we have to engage with it seriously. meadowlander May 8 #199

Absolutely! Argument reponere Meme is enshrined in most Citical Thought text books (3rd editions and up) Torchlight May 8 #322

#NotAllBear/Mans betsuni May 8 #185

I was fully aware some people wouldn't be able to resist applying that lens Silent3 May 8 #187

"lens" betsuni May 8 #188

Do you require help with the metaphor? Silent3 May 8 #189

... betsuni May 8 #191

That wasn't in your OP or in your 1st scores of reply posts. Crunchy Frog May 8 #218

Chance of being sexually assaulted by a bear is also far less than that of being mauled by a man. PeaceWave May 8 #297

TBF NanaCat May 8 #201

This reads like a man wrote it. tazkcmo May 8 #216

Well, you have a brain and are capable of empathy NanaCat May 8 #231

It's the bear because women are telling you it's the bear. A_Woman_from_MI May 8 #230

That vid is excellent. Thanks. spooky3 May 8 #238

Don't know who this guy is but that is excellent. Brenda May 8 #239

I had to go back to watch it again Easterncedar May 10 #325

Does a deer walk around scared? How about a mountain lion? mainer May 8 #234

The first rule of holes... Patton French May 8 #240

Unfortunately, there are those who ignore that important advice. TSExile May 8 #241

Yes, men are that dangerous. ismnotwasm May 8 #243

Risk is in the eye of the beholder mcar May 8 #246

Feeling of risk is in the eye of the beholder, yes. Silent3 May 8 #255

Being in an airplane or car crash or a fire is horrible, but it's death. Being raped or murdered is torture betsuni May 8 #257

And that had to do with accuracy of risk assessment how? Silent3 May 8 #258

STATISTICALLY what now? betsuni May 8 #260

This is devolving into mish mash mcar May 8 #262

Mission accomplished! betsuni May 8 #266

I wish you had spent about Dorian Gray May 8 #277

If non-fatal aviation mishaps occurred every day (and actually they do), Ocelot II May 8 #259

Apples and oranges mcar May 8 #261

How so? Silent3 May 8 #263

I'll take limbicnuminousity May 8 #256

Privilege can be defined as "shit you don't have to put up with." Ocelot II May 8 #269

And then having the gall to tell women to not be so afraid Sky Jewels May 8 #271

Just want to take this opportunity to say I'm sorry. Cuthbert Allgood May 8 #268

Facebook algorithm just offered me this Cuthbert Allgood May 8 #272

Never ran into a bear outside of a zoo. Torchlight May 8 #278

Great discussion. Do you use a purse seine or a drift net to catch those bears? Hekate May 8 #279

I live where there are bears. I never put my trash out the night before pickup. mjvpi May 8 #282

The "Thought Experiment" is completely absurd CelticCrow May 8 #284

So, I honestly had no idea where the stuff on this post was coming from, Crunchy Frog May 8 #285

"Men aren't that dangerous"?? thucythucy May 8 #288

Sadly, young men and boys need to be educated... PeaceWave May 8 #295

. MorbidButterflyTat May 8 #299

Such orthodoxy. Torchlight May 8 #300

Young men and boys need to be educated not to rape thucythucy May 10 #327

What is the point of this? MorbidButterflyTat May 8 #298

Christ, this place has been dumb lately... róisín_dubh May 8 #301

Top 10 Most Unnecessary OPs Ever ProfessorGAC May 8 #303

I realized early on that what he really wants is prurient details. I suggest people stop giving them to him.... Hekate May 8 #310

Hence My Use Of The Word... ProfessorGAC May 8 #312

Yup Hekate May 8 #313

Cool story, bro Hekate May 8 #304

I learned early Marthe48 May 8 #307

The male human animal or the animal type genus Ursus? The human male. Easier to gut. If necessary, of course. Solly Mack May 8 #309

You go, girl Hekate May 8 #311

Nobody here seems to give a damn what the bear wants... PeaceWave May 8 #315

Did you forget your sarcasm thingy? Hekate May 8 #316

He's one of those "trying way too hard" types. Scrivener7 May 8 #319

Let me just say this as a man BannonsLiver May 8 #320

Bear chowder66 May 9 #323

Every single one. SweetT May 10 #326

Damn. Thought I had trashed this thread. And blocked the OP Nittersing May 10 #328

My attitude is on display at the bottom of every post I make. nocoincidences May 10 #330

The irony here is that a mountain lion screaming sounds very much like a woman in danger. PeaceWave May 10 #331

Replied in wrong thread Hekate May 10 #332

Caption time: demmiblue May 17 #333