Top 10 Conservative Idiots Presents: Holy Shit: The Sunday Sermons Season 2 Episode 5: 2023 Year In Review

[Top 10 Idiots]

Holy Shit: The Sunday Sermons Season 2 Episode 5: 2023 Year In Review



Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:



My fair congregation! This is it, we come now to the end of the year of our LAWRD, 2023! How about that? It seems like we just started this season of our fine program last week and now we’re at the very end, how time flies! But this week, we’re wrapping up the year in a nice, neat little package for all of you to enjoy with our year in review! But don’t worry – because of the popularity of this season, we’re coming back for another one! We’ll have some more details about that soon, so be sure to follow us on Mastodon at holychurchoftop10@ mstdn.party for updates! But we’ve definitely got a lot on our plate and a lot of fun things for next year planned, and as usual next year is an election year so what could possibly go wrong? Well we won’t worry about that now. For now, let’s send the year off right and get down to having some fun, shall we?

Where do we begin this week? In the number one slot, we’re taking a look back at all of the wacky things that the Christian right was saying and doing (1), and that can be summed up nicely in one word, and that word is nationalism. In the second slot, we’re not going backwards, instead we’re going forwards (2) with our annual attempt to predict what’s going to happen next year because if it’s a year and there’s talk about GAWD, you can bet that it’s going to be as batshit crazy as you might expect, and this year was not disappointing to say the least ! In the number 3 slot, we’re going to do even more predicting of the future, because the GOP (3) have painted a terrible vision of America’s future and we need to start correcting this ship before it gets worse! As always, we’re going to close out by answering your prayers from the Holy Shit Hotline To Heaven! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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My fair congregation! Please be seated! You know we’re very fast approaching the end of the year of our LAWRD, 2023. And while next week, we are going to offer our annual attempt to predict what’s going to happen next year based off of things that happened this year, we have to reflect back on the year that was. And holy crap, what a year it was! But if the year of our LAWRD 2023 can be accurately summed up in one word, that word would be nationalism. Or maybe extremism. But either way, this is a year in which those of us who support the unholy, ungodly Dark One were at their absolute worst. I of course speak of a man so foul, so depraved and disgusting that his name DARE NOT be spoken in my church! But in case you’re wondering why your MAGA friends are getting more extreme and it seems like the extremist rhetoric isn’t going away, well there’s definitely a rhyme and reason for that and it’s not something that you’re going to like hearing, is that there is a rhyme and a reason for it. But as we say around here, the cruelty is the point!

Last month, Christian nationalist North Dakota State Rep. Brandon Prichard appeared on a local television program called “Ladies of Another View” where he attempted to defend his Christian nationalism by spreading misinformation and falsehoods.

Prichard appeared on the program to discuss the criticism he had received in the wake of posts he made on social media declaring that every member of Congress must “submit to the Gospel of Jesus Christ” and that “every conservative state should put into code that Jesus Christ is King and dedicate their state to Him.”

Prichard insisted that he had nothing for which to apologize because American history proves that his worldview is the same as the Founding Fathers.

“Here’s the deal,” Prichard boldly proclaimed, “history is on our side. History is on the side of the conservatives on this issue. The first thing that happened at the Constitutional Convention was what? It was Benjamin Franklin coming in front of everybody—he was actually one of the most agnostic of them all—and said that we need to plead to the heavens and pray for our country. And it was a Christian prayer; they had a Christian pastor come and say a prayer.”
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/north-dakota-state-rep-brandon-prichard-spreads-multiple-falsehoods-in-defense-of-his-christian-nationalism/

I……………. I……………………. just what the fuck? Do you know history? Do you know that nationalism has lost on literally every single war since the Crusades? You lost the Revolutionary War, you lost the Civil War, you lost World War II, what makes you think that nationalism is going to win this time around? I guess maybe because you subscribe to the same talk shows that the unholy Dark One also subscribes to? I mean how stupid can you get? Nationalism loses every single time, and authoritarianism and populism are even less popular! And we may have to do a deep dive on this in a future program but it’s the stuff of insanity!

Arizona state Sen. Wendy Rogers encouraged her Twitter followers Friday to follow Michigan state Rep. Josh Schriver, calling him “Michigan’s voice for MAGA.” The far-right Rogers is one of the public officials most closely associated with antisemitic white Christian nationalist Nick Fuentes.

Right Wing Watch asked on Friday whether Schriver, a member of the state Freedom Caucus, had used a local news appearance to signal support for white nationalist Nick Fuentes. RWW noted that Schriver flashed a raised index finger, a gesture that has been adopted by groypers, as followers of Fuentes and his America First movement are known. Schriver then shared a photo of his raised finger on social media, along with two hashtags often used by Fuentes backers, #ChristisKing and #AmericaFirst.

As Right Wing Watch noted, the seemingly random expression included in the text of the tweet, “Autumn is my favorite,” appeared to be a reference to Fuentes, who following multiple bans from the platform is currently using an account under the pseudonym “Autumn Groyper.”

On Sunday, Schriver quote-tweeted Sneako, another Fuentes ally.
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/fuentes-fan-wendy-rogers-calls-rep-josh-schriver-michigans-voice-for-maga/

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My fair congregation! Please be seated! We now come to the end of the year. And man what a year it was! And usually this is the spot where we take all of the news that happened this year and attempt to offer you our predictions for next year based off of this year’s news. And if that sounds too complicated for you, need I remind you that next year is an election year and there are going to be some almost certainly EVIL forces vying for control of the White House and our government, and they are on a warpath, my friends! For these are not people who air on the side of good, these are people who support the unholy, ungodly DARK ONE! I o f course speak of a man so foul, so depraved and disgusting that his name DARE NOT be spoken in my church! But this year has been quite the stuff of pure insanity and we don’t see it getting any better any time soon. So I’ll pick a few of my favorite stories and show where I think they are going. Personally for me one of the funniest things ever is when the holier than thou crowd attempts to downplay a major media performance with the Satanic Panic hysteria that they’re known for, and none was more prevalent than when they attacked Sam Smith at the beginning of the year, because, Satanism.

Right-wing influencers in the US on Monday stoked moral panic over Sam Smith dressing as Satan for a performance at the Grammy Awards.

In a posting on Twitter, Republican Georgia Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene criticized the performance and referenced anti-vaccine conspiracy theories about pharmaceuticals giant Pfizer, one of the sponsors of the awards.

Some right-wing figures have pushed baseless claims about the COVID-19 vaccines developed by the company.

"The Grammy's featured Sam Smith's demonic performance and was sponsored by Pfizer. And the Satanic Church now has an abortion clinic in NM that requires its patients to perform a satanic ritual before services. American Christians need to get to work," said Greene.
https://www.businessinsider.com/conservatives-kim-petras-sam-smith-satan-unholy-grammy-devil-2023-2

So I think next year, Satan himself will perform at the Grammys! Now throughout the year, you probably saw those annoying, super cringy, and potentially offensive “He Gets Us” series of advertisements brought to you by the CEO of Hobby Lobby. Yes, because a store known for selling signs that have cute sayings on them like “live laugh love” and other decorative knick knacks is a place that I don’t want to see to bring fanatical religious fascism to America. But those advertisements are EVERYWHERE. They’re on buses, on your internet forums, on social media… you name it. They attempt to paint our GAWD JAYSUS as a normal cool guy. But no, we see through your cult, Hobby Lobby!

Green discussed his involvement in the campaign, and the Super Bowl ad spots, during a November 2022 interview with conservative talk show host Glenn Beck.

“We are wanting to say — ‘we’ being a lot of different people — that he gets us,” Green said. “[Jesus] understands us. He loves who we hate. I think we have to let the public know and create a movement.”

“He Gets Us” does not list donors on its website. “Funding for He Gets Us comes from a diverse group of individuals and entities with a common goal of sharing Jesus’ story authentically,” the site’s funding information page reads. “Most of the people driving He Gets Us, including our donors, choose to remain anonymous because the story isn’t about them, and they don’t want the credit.”

Jason Vanderground, spokesperson for He Gets Us and president of creative marketing firm HAVEN, told CNN that The Servant Foundation uses a fund which “unites donors to provide pooled support for organizations while ensuring the organizations can operate without donors impacting specific messages.”

“Funding for the campaign comes from a diverse group of individuals and entities with a common goal of sharing Jesus’ story authentically,” he said.
https://www.cnn.com/2023/02/11/us/he-gets-us-super-bowl-commercials-cec/index.html

Yes, y’all need JAYSUS! Or maybe you don’t. Maybe next year JAYSUS ascends down to earth and smites the unholy Dark One and all of his ungodly supporters to the fieriest pit of HELL and declares Earth the “cool kids club”. Yeah rapture this! Sounds fun, anyways! And speaking of the cool kids club, who’s not in there is Moms For Liberty. Yes, the book banning fascist thugs are coming for your school boards whether we want them to or not (easy answer: we don’t) and they want to enact a very sinister and certainly evil agenda under the guise of “protecting children”. Which so far, the number of children they’ve “protected” from something is… 0. In fact they’re making it worse.

The activist group Moms for Liberty has become the new face of the culture wars around education. The group was founded in 2021, during the Covid pandemic, and rose to prominence through outspoken opposition to school mask mandates. The group has now spread across the United States, its membership fueled by the Republican-led moral panic over a “woke ideology” that is supposedly sweeping public schools and “indoctrinating” children. At present, the group counts 285 chapters in 45 states.

As the group has grown, so too have its political ambitions. Moms for Liberty places particular emphasis on capturing local school boards in order to secure greater control over school policy. More broadly, the group endorses legislation that would limit the topics that can be discussed in the classroom (for instance, Florida’s so-called “Don’t Say Gay” legislation), and they promote policies that allow parents to target books for removal from school libraries and classrooms. The materials challenged by Moms for Liberty reflect the “war on wokeness” announced by conservative figures such as Tucker Carlson and Ron DeSantis.

Group members regularly disrupt school board meetings to rail against books that address the nation’s history of racial violence (maligned under the fuzzy category of “critical race theory”). Likewise, the group condemns materials that explore gender identity or advocate for LGBTQ+ acceptance – particularly those that explore transgender identity. Librarians, teachers and parents who defend these materials have been repeatedly harassed by group members as “groomers” or “pedophile sympathizers”. The caustic tone of the group’s activism has led the Southern Poverty Law Center to classify it as an extremist organization.
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/jul/06/moms-for-liberty-long-history-rightwing-activism

You know I still like the idea of some good old fashioned smiting, and I’d like to start with the book banning fascists! Which brings me to my next point – if there was one word that could accurately suim up the year 2023 – we talked about this last year – that word is nationalism. And boy did Christians pile on the nationalist and fascist rhetoric this year, didn’t they? We counted at least 15 editions where we talked about so-called Christians doing and saying nationalist things, and it just got so out of hand that we just got burnt out. But make no mistake that new House speaker Mike Johnson gave us plenty of material to work with! And next year is an election year, so what could possibly go wrong?

Newly elected Speaker of the House Mike Johnson has been extremely vocal about his strict Christian beliefs, going so far as to say that reading the Bible will teach you everything there is to know about his world view. But an online Christian group called Faithful America isn't buying it, launching a petition to condemn him as a false prophet.

According to Newsweek, the group is in the midst of their second-annual "False Prophets Don't Speak for Me" campaign, which aims to show that false prophets "will never speak for Jesus" for the Christian community.

Alongside Johnson — for whom they've collected over 12,000 signatures in favor of condemnation — they've listed other Christian-nationalist leaders such as Donald Trump, Fox News host Laura Ingraham, Ohio Representative Jim Jordan and co-founder of Moms for Liberty, Bridget Ziegler.

"It's hard to overstate the threat that anti-democracy, anti-freedom Christian nationalism poses to both democracy and the church today, especially now that Rep. Mike Johnson has become the most Christian-nationalist speaker in U.S. history,"

Read more: https://www.salon.com/2023/11/05/online-christian-group-petitions-to-condemn-mike-johnson-as-a-false-prophet/?in_brief=true

So what do we want for these people? We want their asses handed to them in every sing le election in November next year!
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[font size="8"]Holy Shit: Pray Vote Stand Recap
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My fair congregation! Please be seated! You know, I hate having to keep reminding you that we live in some extremely dark times right now. And lately we’ve been talking about the terrible situations that the MAGA cult leaders have been putting us in, regarding the future of America’s children. Last week, we railed on one MAGA cult leader in particular and that’s MAGA pastor Jack Hibbs of Chino Hills, California. But this week, with the annual Pray Vote Stand conference upon us, I can’t help but wonder the direction that the Unholy Dark One’s supporters plan to take this country in. Because with people like Jack Hibbs as the future of the Dark One’s GOP, things are going to get very dark very quickly, and there may not be a lot that commoners like us can do to stop it. Because these people do not worship GAWD or JAYSUS. No, they worship the unholy, ungodly Dark One! I of course speak of a man so foul, so depraved and disgusting that his name dare NOT be spoken in my church! And his supporters really aren’t that much better, either.

Pray Vote Stand, the Family Research Council’s annual conference for religious-right activists, convenes in Washington, D.C. this week. Formerly known as the Values Voter Summit, this year’s gathering features Christian nationalist speakers and Republican politicians and offers attendees an opportunity to get trained to run for their local school board, a major focus of right-wing groups looking to build political power and mobilize conservative voters in 2024.

Presidential candidates addressing Pray Vote Stand include former President Donald Trump, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, and former Vice President Mike Pence. Other politicians on the speakers list include Sens. Josh Hawley and Lindsey Graham, Reps. Scott Perry and Mary Miller, and North Carolina’s notoriously anti-LGBTQ Lt. Gov. Mark Robinson.

Also speaking is Sonja Shaw, president of the Chino Valley Unified School District school board in California and part of a three-member majority made up of attendees at Christian nationalist pastor and political activist Jack Hibbs’ church, Calvary Chapel Chino Valley. The combative Shaw, elected in 2022, has used her position and majority to implement anti-LGBTQ policies that are being pushed by Hibbs and copied by other right-wing-dominated school boards.
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/family-research-council-conference-preview-republican-politicians-christian-nationalism-school-board-takeovers/

Yes, the Chino Valley School Board is the devil in this picture here! And fuck these morons who are taking over our school boards and turning them into shit, by the way! But this also points out where the idea of pouring unlimited amounts of money into campaigns is not only an extremely terrible idea, but it can also go completely fuck up. Could you imagine the idea of a religious super PAC picking and choosing candidates to run for every office in the country? No way would I want these MAGA Taliban lunatics running the country.

Just before the official opening of the Family Research Council’s religious-right activist conference Pray Vote Stand Friday morning, FRC’s political arm FRC Action hosted a breakfast gathering where former member of Congress and new FRC Action President Jody Hice talked about the group’s voter turnout plans for 2024. FRC Action is hoping to raise $4 million for its super PAC to turn out conservative Christian voters and elect right-wing candidates in key swing states. Former Rep. Michele Bachmann, FRC’s board chair, finished the session with a pitch for contributions to fund the plan, warning that the 2024 election “might be the last chance” to save the country.

FRC President Tony Perkins named Hice president of FRC Action earlier this week. Hice joined FRC earlier this year after losing his Donald Trump-inspired challenge to Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger, in which Hice pushed baseless claims about election fraud.

Hice and FRC seem like a good fit, given that both share long and ugly records of anti-LGBTQ bigotry, efforts to undermine church-state separation, and previous claims that the First Amendment’s religious liberty provisions should not apply to American Muslims.

In 2018, Right Wing Watch noted, “While the Religious Right’s influence in today’s Republican Party is pervasive, it’s hard to imagine a member of Congress that more fully reflects the far-right, conspiracy-embracing, Christian nationalist wing of the party than Hice.” Then-Rep. Hice told the pro-Trump prayer warriors at Intercessors for American that year that the midterm elections that year were part of a “spiritual battle” raging in the country.
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/new-frc-action-president-jody-hice-wants-4-million-for-2024-super-pac/

But in case you’re wondering if the MAGAs couldn’t be any more cult like, just check out this clip of the MAGAs at the PVS summit. And not only does it feature a guest appearance from the Dark One himself, but it also features many of the Dark One’s minions like DeSantis and Ramaswamy. Those two are insane, but they do not hold a candle to the Dark One’s madness! But what do they mean when they say they are going to “protect the family”? Does that imply that they are the MAFIA? You gotta protect the family otherwise you’re gonna get the cement shoes!

Several 2024 Republican hopefuls are descending on Washington Friday to participate in a pair of conservative gatherings.

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, businessman Vivek Ramaswamy and former President Donald Trump will speak at the Pray Vote Stand Summit -- with Trump delivering the keynote address. They are set to speak Friday evening.

Earlier in the day, former Vice President Mike Pence rolled out a new initiative to protect the "American family" at the summit. DeSantis, at a separate Washington event, also spoke about family and parental rights.

Meanwhile, Democrats are throwing their support behind Vice President Kamala Harris continuing on as President Joe Biden's running mate after one of the party's most revered leaders appeared less enthusiastic.

And will Melania Trump join her husband on the campaign trail?
https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/gop-contenders-collide-washington-desantis-shrugs-polls-trail/story?id=103233191

Yeah can you just imagine how this is going to look to the holier than thou crowd if the Dark One shows up on the campaign trail without his 1st Lady at his side? Well of course his supporters would still fawn over him, I’m sure that many of the more bizarre female supporters of his would try to be first in line to be the new 1st Lady. And that’s a disturbing thought. But nevertheless, this is why you shouldn’t combine politics and church. For it does make for some very strange bedfellows, my fair congregation, and these are not exactly what one would call savory characters.

Former President Donald Trump on Friday told two powerful social conservative groups that Republicans need to do a better job talking about the issue of abortion.

“We can win elections on this issue, but it’s very delicate and explaining it properly is an extremely important thing. You have to be able to speak and explain it properly. A lot of politicians who are pro-life don’t know how to discuss this topic,” Trump told the leadership summit of the Concerned Women for America Legislative Action Committee in Washington, D.C.

Trump echoed his concerns later at the Family Research Council and FRC Action’s annual Pray, Vote, Stand conference across town and said abortion was an “issue” in the midterms and “explaining it properly is very important.”

Trump said politicians “don’t know how to talk about it” and cautioned that “if they don’t speak about it correctly, they’re not going to win.”
https://www.politico.com/news/2023/09/15/they-dont-know-how-to-talk-about-it-trump-warns-social-conservatives-on-abortion-messaging-00116388

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[font size="8"]The Holy Shit Hotline To Heaven

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My fair congregation! We come now to the end of our service! But before we go, you know that we love to hit up the Holy Shit Hotline To Heaven, which is our official prayer line. If you want to know where to hit us up, you can find us on Mastodon at holychurchoftop10 @mstdn.party. For those of you new to our fine program, the following is a free form segment where we answer your prayers and just generally shoot the breeze, and hopefully play you some clips of Christian pastors and talk show hosts saying some really bizarre stuff that they probably don’t mean, but that doesn’t mean that someone will believe the crazy things that they say! And we’re always open to your thoughts or hot takes on the religious news of the day happening in the United States and around the world. But we welcome any and all prayers and we appreciate the fans, and also welcome the haters! Don’t be afraid to hit us up, whether it’s about the news of the day or you need your answers to your ever most burning questions! Don’t forget we also offer grievance counseling, but this is a comedy show! Let’s open it up and go to the floor, shall we?

Teresa M. from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania writes:

“Heavenly Father,

Why is Pizzagate back in the news? I thought that was proven to be a conspiracy theory and was also proven false. Why are they beating that dead horse again?”

Well, Sister Teresa, if there’s one thing that I know about the MAGA crowd, it’s that they can’t keep a good conspiracy down! No matter how much you tell them they’re wrong, no matter how much you try to prove them false, they just keep moving back the goal posts and attempting to pick a fight with you, simply because they are a bunch of schoolyard bullies who won’t take no for an answer. But to those insane weirdos who call themselves “prophets” with the aid of their GAWD Elon Musk, they just keep feeding the crazy machine!

Lucas G. from Fresno, California writes:

“Heavenly Father,

I saw your piece on Mike Johnson and his weird porn blocker. Why is it that the more devout someone is, the more they are into some really kinky shit? I would like to know the answer!”

Brother Lucas, that is a question that is as old as time! The one thing we’ve noticed in all our years of doing this program is that the more devout you are, the more likely you are to give into temptation. We witnessed this phenomenon back when that guy who we used to call vice president, Mike Pence, was second in line for the presidency behind the unholy Dark One (see: Idiots #8-15 ). But Mike Johnson is a different specimen entirely. And since we first saw him, he gets more increasingly cult like.

Anna J. from Worcester, Massachusetts writes:

Heavenly Father,

As a trans woman, I can’t help but wonder why Christians are embracing nationalism and why they have it out so much for my fellow trans and LGBT people. But why do they think they are anointed by GAWD?

Well, Sister Anna, your concerns are most certainly noted. We too here are extremely frightened at the direction that this country is heading in, and we can sum it up in three simple words: it ain’t good. But we do wonder about why those who call themselves GAWD are becoming increasingly more genocidal, and it’s really disturbing. We did fight a war about this stuff. And to see people like Mark Robinson go off the rails is definitely disturbing. American Christians, aided by that certain news network, are taking this country in a very dark direction and they must be stopped at all costs!

Thank you my fair congregation! We have come to the end of our program, and the end of our season! Thank to our staff, crew, and most importantly our viewers! We’ll be back with season 3 next year, more details on that soon! Mass has ended, may you go in peace!

Credits

Host: Pastor Initech
Holy Shit: The Sunday Sermons Recorded Live At: Constellation Room at Observatory OC, Santa Ana, CA
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