A nurse in Florida...

[babylonsister]

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=2574290199342867&set=a.121865277918717&type=3&theater
Aleixandrea Macias
6 April ·

I haven't posted a true update in days because I could not find anything positive to say. I tried since Thursday to change my perspective and be a ray of light in this dark time, but I just keep being beat down. I have never seen anything like this before, never taken care of someone that is so healthy but at the same time so deathly sick. I've been working in a makeshift ICU for days now because there were no other nurses to staff the area. There are not enough staff even though we get new people daily, not enough experienced staff (because who on earth can be experienced for this level of sick?!), not enough supplies.

I can't count the times I have heard "well we could try and do this but we don't have this". I'm not an ICU nurse at all, but neither is hardly anyone else working these units now. I've told Julio Macias 2 days in a row that I want to come home. But he talks me back off the edge each time because he knows how much I would regret leaving because at this point anybody at all helps. So I'm still here. Day 11 is done.

Of course we can't share patient info, but being in an ICU setting I am keeping my same patients day after day until they die. No one has left our unit yet except in a body bag. I've struggled to find my purpose being here, but strangely enough Julio knew why before I ever did. I have been translating Spanish for days for these people, in my own broken Spanish because anything is better than them understanding nothing. I've seen patients arrive on our unit not yet sedated or vented but in extreme respiratory distress and beyond frightened. I have explained what COVID is doing to their body, what the risks are of being intubated vs not, and I have listened as these people have called their family members for the very last time prior to being intubated. If I can leave here with anything at all, I can know that I helped give them those last moments with their family.

After they are sedated, their personal belongings are still there. Their phones still ring. That's the worst is listening to the phones ring knowing someone is calling and praying they will answer just one more time. These people are not old. They are young. Many with no medical problems. Strong people, physically fit. One who even worked 5 jobs at a time until Covid ravaged his body. This virus kills people. They all die at some point, it's just been a game of seeing how long we can keep them half alive. I feel like our efforts are futile, but I still try so hard and get so upset because I know that if it were Julio or anyone in my family laying there I would want the same done.

When their bodies finally give up fighting, we place them in a body bag. I've seen hundreds of people die as a nurse, but they are usually surrounded with loved ones or we give family time to see them to say their goodbyes. Not with COVID. There is no closure for anyone in this. I can't explain to you how bad this hurts, how real this is, and how afraid I am knowing that it could get like this in my own hometowns. I can't make you guys do anything, but I am literally begging you to listen to us healthcare workers and take this seriously. My heart hurts so bad tonight for these families who have lost people entirely too soon, for those who are sick and absolutely terrified, and for all of us who will surely have some form of PTSD after this is over.