April 24, 2023

Borowitz: Fox replaces Tucker Carlson with Lying Chatbot.

Fox chairman Rupert Murdoch said that the former host had been “rendered obsolete by swift advances in lying technology.”

https://link.newyorker.com/click/31264772.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

April 3, 2023

It's not a perp walk...

It’s a perp WADDLE.

Let’s be accurate, people.

March 23, 2023

Borowitz nails it again!

https://link.newyorker.com/click/30934935.44401/aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubmV3eW9ya2VyLmNvbS9odW1vci9ib3Jvd2l0ei1yZXBvcnQvdHJ1bXAtY2xhaW1zLWZhaWx1cmUtdG8tYXJyZXN0LWhpbS1pcy1jb25zcGlyYWN5LXRvLWtlZXAtaGltLWZyb20tZ2V0dGluZy1kb25hdGlvbnM_dXRtX3NvdXJjZT1ubCZ1dG1fYnJhbmQ9dG55JnV0bV9tYWlsaW5nPVROWV9Cb3Jvd2l0el8wMzIzMjAyMyZ1dG1fY2FtcGFpZ249YXVkLWRldiZ1dG1fbWVkaXVtPWVtYWlsJmJ4aWQ9NWJlNWNhNzBmYmQyOTc2MzY4NzE1ZjI0JmNuZGlkPTQ5Nzg3NjMyJmhhc2hhPTIyZmZmZjQ5OGM0ODU4Mjc0MzQ4ZjRiNGFjYzQ1NWQ2Jmhhc2hiPTU5OWJiZjk3NGJmNGNhZGU3Y2NkMDUzNmM4ODRlN2M0YTNhZDVkOTgmaGFzaGM9MjRhMDQzMzJiOGMzNTgyYmJjY2QwMzQyZjg5ZTg0ZjFkYmNiMmI2ODQ3MDExZmNlMGEzMGNjM2YwYWNkOWM2NiZlc3JjPXN1YnNjcmliZS1wYWdl/5be5ca70fbd2976368715f24C27cd667f

Trump claims failure to arrest him is conspiracy to keep him from getting donations

If not arrested by Friday, Trump said, “I will perform a citizen’s arrest on myself.”


Side note: You know you’re on DU when the spellcheck recognizes “Borowitz”.

March 16, 2023

And Princeton moves on in the NCAA!

And that’s why I watch

February 8, 2023

Thank you for my heart!

Between giving a heart ?️ and recommending giving a heart ❤️ , I haven’t had time to read “Sinema looks like a…”. Gonna do that now.

Still recommending sending a heart to Demsrule86.

January 15, 2023

Here's what I think about the classified documents found near Biden's Corvette

So, after Biden was on Jay Leno’s garage, Leno expressed unusual interest in the Vette, which troubled Biden, as Leno asked a lot of questions about the car, Biden’s mechanic and so forth. At their weekly lunch, Biden expressed his concern to Obama that Leno might try to purloin his beloved ride and that he should be careful with all the maintenance records, registration and so forth. “Heck!” said Joe, “Those records should be top secret!”
So Obama thought about this and later DID order that they be classified, but forgot to tell Biden.

So of course all the records went home to Delaware where they were later discovered.

But a series of tune-up receipts is a little different from the bundle of documents found at Trump’s place, which had a cover sheet labeled “Possible Buyers” scrawled in Sharpie.

January 5, 2023

Need some help here. I can't get C-SPAN right now.

I need to know who the latest Goober (or Gooper, if you prefer) doing nomination #10. He’s from Arizona.

Been looking all the ones I don’t know in WikiInfamy.

Thank you in advance.

September 3, 2021

I propose a new Texas vigilante law.

Anyone who suspects that a man is mistreating a woman (anything from sexual assault to psychological harassment) can call an anonymous tip line to report a violation of common decency.
If a court, properly appointed by Cecile Richards and Wendy Davis, finds the charges to be valid, the offender must pay the complainant $10K, plus attorney’s fees (all cases will be handled by NOW legal defense fund). In cases handled by private attorneys, said private attorneys will be entitled to collect legal fees, but an equal amount must be paid to Planned Parenthood.
When the court finds the offense to be particularly egregious to a woman or womankind, or if it is a repeat offense, a sliding scale of further punishment shall be established, ranging from a court order forbidding the offender from drinking beer and/or watching football ( terms ranging from 6 months to a lifetime ban) to castration with a dull spoon (the offender shall also bear all spoon-dulling costs).
Since the Texas governor, lieutenant governor, legislative members, and gubment officials will undoubtedly be the first to be brought before the court, a lottery will be established for those wishing to administer the dull spoon process.
Those wishing to file a complaint may do so at www. what an a**hole.gov.
Costs to the state shall be covered by taxes on mega-churches.

Did I forget any stereotypes? Oh yeah, line dancing.

Don’t crash the website, y’all.

I’m sure some will find this proposal to be a bit extreme, but I think it more reasonable than the current Texas law.

February 8, 2021

Aw, thanks to whoever sent me my first heart of the season!

Much appreciated and needed.

October 8, 2020

All I can hear when Pence talks is "Der..Der". Is it just me?