The repercussions of speaking up about sexual violence

[redqueen]

...

The second thing I became aware of was much less positive, but I first experienced it as a direct offshoot of the first. A friend told me that she'd been sexually assaulted by a mutual acquaintance. She didn't want to report it to the police for various reasons, so we talked about how to handle the situation without getting them involved and decided to confront him, together.

Having previously experienced support and belief from these friends I was fully unprepared for what happened. Namely, that they didn't believe us. We told them that this man had an appalling attitude towards women, made several of us uncomfortable and had now assaulted someone. What they heard was apparently something entirely different. They heard the story of the girl who'd become ashamed of some pictures she'd had taken and used her naïve, victim of sexual violence friend to try and cover up what had really happened. I presented them with evidence to the contrary and they discounted it. Apparently, as a victim of sexual violence my opinion on sexual violence couldn't be trusted.

The theory goes a little something like this: When someone experiences sexual violence they become hyper vigilant to the possibility of sexual violence, therefore they see it everywhere so can't be trusted when they point it out. So then, experience of a situation or event apparently makes you worse at recognising similar situations or events than people with no experience? Doesn't make a whole lot of sense, does it? This is just another horrible way to silence people, and it's dangerous.

...

The only advice I can offer to deal with this is simple. When someone talks to you about sexual violence, listen to what they have to say and take it on face value. When you find yourself thinking that it seems odd the same person has experienced sexual violence more than once, remind yourself that - sadly -it's not uncommon for this to happen. When they are supporting somebody else through a similar experience, try to remember that as someone who's outspoken about such things they're a likely prospect for someone seeking to disclose their own experience.
...

http://www.thefword.org.uk/blog/2013/05/the_repercussio

[MadrasT]

1. I have had my opinion dismissed more than once, as follows:

"Well, you were a victim of sexual assault so your opinion is skewed and you are biased."

[redqueen]

2. Yeah, same here.

I figured that would resonate with a lot of people.

[ismnotwasm]

3. Arrgh. What's not understood and why that's such incredible dumbass bullshit

Is that women, whether they admit or not, all live in, if not fear, that a kind of morbid anticipation of sexual violence. In no other crime is this true. While we might prepare our homes and our cars for break-ins and theft, for instance, it is not the same situation women live in from cradle to grave

People don't anticipate being randomly murdered for instance. Women do expect to be randomly harassed, roofied, raped, groped, frightened. We're taught it's our fault, and our responsibility. We're told to treat our bodies as though they were cars to be stolen, a home to be broken into. And although Men certainly can be and are victims of sexual violence, they have no real understanding of the reality women live with. For them, it's like expecting to be randomly murdered.

I hear fucked up shit like 'victim mentality' as well as disgusting comments like that one you mentioned. Sick and bizarre. I fought off two rapists in my life. Do I get a fucking cookie for that? Am I safe now? Fuck no I'm not. Now that I'm out of the magic 'statistically likely to be raped age' am I safer? A hell no on that one too.

If anything being a victim strengthens and validates your arguments. What idiots rape apologists are-and what lengths they go to trying twist their ass-backward logic into making any kind of sense.

[redqueen]

4. !!!!!!!!

[One_Life_To_Give]

5. Human Nature

We all walk around with a belief that we "know" our friends and acquaintances. When you try and tell someone something that contradicts the perception it is met with resistance. The first reaction is to reject or alter this new information to fit the existing view of the person. Therefor a mothers son doesn't become a murderer but a victim of mistaken identity.

Over time I suspect the rational mind will eventually sort out the evidence and draw new conclusions about the perpetrator. But that initial rejecting information inconsistent with preconceptions about someone appears human to me. It's a sad fact that needs to be anticipated at times.