This is how you teach rape culture to 12-year-olds
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As a lover of leggings, I feel for Mattei, and for any student who now has to go and spend money that their family might not have in order to adhere to the dress code. But I also want to make it clear that what this school is doing is inducting these kids into rape culture. By declaring that women are responsible for controlling men’s behaviour, the school is sending the message loud and clear: if men are “distracted” by you, or worse, it’s your fault for not dressing the way you’re “supposed” to.
That’s rape culture. To their credit, some of the parents see it that way, too.
Some parents were bothered by this because they said it sends the wrong messages to girls. “It is not our girls’ fault that these boys have quote ‘raging hormones’ they can’t control,” said Lisa Simond, a parent of a student.
Simond is exactly right. If you want to make a school a safe, productive learning environment for all your students, start by teaching them to respect each other’s bodies. Teach them to do that regardless of what their peers are wearing.
This bullshit dress code does just the opposite: it teaches boys that there are certain circumstances under which they don’t have to respect their classmates’ bodies and boundaries. And it teaches them that if god forbid they violate those boundaries, they won’t be held fully responsible: it’ll be her fault for wearing yoga pants, or a belly shirt, or for drinking too much, or for walking alone, or for insert violation here. Finally, it teaches them that you just don’t expect that much of them. You don’t expect them to be able to control themselves, to treat their girl friends like human beings, to ignore “distractions” and focus on learning.
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http://feministing.com/2013/04/10/this-is-how-you-teach-rape-culture-to-12-year-olds/
We have to end the idea that boys and men are simply unable to control themselves.
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These boys are taught by society and their parents that they don't *have* to control themselves - because they're male - and society will blame, punish and exert more control over someone else for / because of their behavior. But they will never be asked to take responsibility for or control their own behavior. And they know it. If they refuse to control themselves and rape someone (it's a CHOICE, not something they "can't" control), the person they raped will be said to have "asked for it" because...whatever.
I get so SICK of hearing: "well she shouldn't have been there"..."well she shouldn't have been drinking"..."well she shouldn't have been at that party"..."well she shouldn't have been out alone at night"..."well she shouldn't have been wearing that."
It's always "she shouldn't have...something".
But what we never hear is: HE SHOULDN'T HAVE RAPED HER.
Toni Morrison puts it well:
