If you're offended by sexism, it's your own fault

[BainsBane]

for going where we don't belong. Someone recently told me that I shouldn't go places where people are going to offend me. I should avoid conversations that, I somehow must divine, will become sexist. "Don't go looking for trouble, cause you're gonna find it!" And lastly: " No one deserves respect, they have to earn it."

I responded that some people actively go around seeking to offend others, particularly women. They pursue us (or at least me) with references to bitches and sexist imagery. So how should I avoid such conversations? Evidently my responsibility is to stay offline so I don't expose myself to such insult. I am to remain cloistered.

It's always the victims fault, especially when she's female. Amazing how often we hear that. If she's raped, it's her own fault for going out after dark. Why did she take a job as a iron ore miner if she didn't want to be subject to sexual harassment? Why would a 9 year old go to the Oscars if she didn't want to be called a c--t and subject to jokes about having sex with a 50 something year old man? Obviously the little girl didn't know how to stay her place. Who cares if she was nominated for an Academy Award? She brought it on herself by going out into the public. And the rest of us who turned on the television. Well that's our own damned fault. Now, it's my fault--and that of the rest of you women--for coming online.

No, I won't stay in "my place." I will not endeavor to "earn" respect from misogynists. I respect myself. I respect other women who share my concerns and the men who are our allies. We as women comprise the majority of the Democratic Party. There is not a single Democrat holding office who did not get there because of women's votes. If it were left to men, this country would be solidly Republican. So no, they do not to get to claim DU or the internet more generally as male space. My place is wherever I choose to go.

[Squinch]

1. Someone's going to tell you to lighten up in 3..2...1...

I propose we make a list of all the lame arguments that are used - possibly even out of true ignorance - to justify sexism. Like bingo.

I'll start:

1.You just need to get a sense of humor

2. Only humorless prudes/word police/language nazis have a problem with the word ________(fill in sexist term of your choice.)

3. If you don't like the comments/advances/assaults, then cover up!

4. See that woman who has achieved something great over there? Look at her boobs!

[BainsBane]

2. Here's a familiar summary

http://www.democraticunderground.com/125516435

[Squinch]

3. Baaaaaa! I could attach a name to each of those! nt.

[BainsBane]

4. Several to each name

I'd had enough. I'm using ignore liberally.

[Squinch]

5. It has been bad for a while.

[seabeyond]

6. it is about ownership on space. kinda like going around peeing to mark territory... across the net

we do not see the people we interact with. in RL there are absolutely people i would never be around. we do not get that option on here. after seeing the racist garbage allowed to stand, i am just concluding it is the trash, and not.

[BainsBane]

8. yes, I thought

if they think something so blatantly racist is okay, no wonder they don't care about sexism. Like I said, I feel that's it a lost cause. Do you know of any feminist or truly progressive discussion boards?

[seabeyond]

14. i do not. and if you find anything interesting, let me know. nt

[ismnotwasm]

7. I once asked someone

What if *I* said such and such, because I can be the most vulgar person I know, and I have very thick skin. (To personally offend me, I'd have to know you, and those brakes would be off) I make an extra effort to be polite on- line, because I need to keep the brakes on. It turned into a decent back and forth, but didn't do much good.

Look at the response to the SCUM manifesto, a book that turns everything around, it's considered hate speech. Sexism is not. Then, of there's the charming women who insist that they LIKE sexism. They're funny as hell, because while they don't actually say that, that's exactly what there're saying.

[seabeyond]

15. the charming women who insist that they LIKE sexism.

yup

[ZombieHorde]

9. "If you're offended by sexism, it's your own fault" is a hypocritical claim.

Here is why I think this...

You hear something you think is sexist, so you call it out. "They" don't like the callout, so they say you're wrong for being in that situation, even though they are now the ones being offended, and the offensive is not their fault, in their eyes. You don't get be offended, but they do. They're doing what they are accusing you of doing.

I hope that made sense.

[BainsBane]

10. that's a good point actually

I didn't get it at first, but I see what you mean. They are telling us we have no right to be offended, while they are offended at our exercising our rights to speak out.

[ZombieHorde]

12. Exactly. It's very fallacious, in my opinion.

It's just a way to dismiss an argument without actually addressing any of the argument's content.

[ismnotwasm]

13. That's exactly right

It's tiresome.

Apparently it's considered clever by those who employ that tactic.

[smirkymonkey]

19. Good point.

[MadrasT]

11. Yes it is hypocritical

I can't even take people seriously when they pull that one.

It amazes me how wound up people get when women assert themselves and buck the status quo. The reactions are wildly out of proportion.

It's fascinating.

And depressing sometimes.

[seabeyond]

17. we had a couple of days of the women and mens voice and all hell breaks loose.

anytime us women get uppity... this shit comes out for the men to put us back in our place and they really do not care how stupid or foolish they look doing it. t here are more important things. reduce women to body part, .... fast. hurry. now. lol.

[BainsBane]

18. one even told me

through an image, that a plague of locusts would descend on me for telling someone I found another member's dismissive attitude unacceptable. That was after telling me I better "watch my one, or else." You can't make this shit up.

[seabeyond]

16. it did. and that is what i call out most often, lol. o h, the irony. nt

[smirkymonkey]

20. I cannot even tell you how much this pisses me off.