What it's like being a teen girl

[MadrasT]

What it's like being a teen girl

Excerpts:

The violations started small. I was 12, fairly tall with brand new boobs. My mother wouldn’t let me buy “real bras” for a long time. It didn’t occur to me that was weird until boys in my class started advising me to “stop wearing sports bras” because I was looking a little “saggy.”

I have never stopped being reminded of my there-for-men status. I am reminded when I am violated in my sleep, or groped in a bar, or held down by a longtime friend. I am reminded when I refuse conversation with a strange man and he spits in my direction, or calls me a “bitch.” I am reminded when I am asked why I wore such a pretty dress if I wasn’t trying to “pick up.” I am reminded when I am told to be less angry and more agreeable. I am reminded when I talk about my lived experience and am told to “stop being so negative about everything.” I am reminded when young girls are bullied so severely by men who wanted to see their bodies that they commit suicide.

We don’t talk honestly enough about what it’s like being a teen girl. If we did talk about it, what it was like for us, perhaps we wouldn’t be so harsh on them. Perhaps we wouldn’t throw our hands up in the air and exclaim “oh, teen girls, they’re so difficult!” Perhaps they wouldn’t be so scary. Perhaps we’d see their lives for the small and large violations they’re often made up of; and what those violations do.

Pretty much everything in North American culture tells men and boys that women and girls are there for them. So please, do us some favours. Stop telling us that we have to take self defence. Stop telling us we shouldn’t drink or go out at night or on dates. Stop telling us that we need to be prepared for whatever “boys-be-boys” violations come our ways, because it’s bullshit. We don’t have to accept this or carry it around in silence.

Link: What it's like being a teen girl

I experienced quite a lot of the things she described. Is it similar to anyone else's experience of what it is/was like to be a 12 year old girl?

(I was 12 in 1977. I don't know what it is like being a 12 year old girl now but it seems like it would be even harder to me because the pressure for women to be sexxxxxxxy seems much more intense now.)

[ChairmanAgnostic]

1. What of the objectification that takes place in those horrid kiddie beauty patents?

where 4-6 yr olds are dressed in gowns, bathing suits, and made up like adults?
I think that borders on child abuse.

[MadrasT]

2. Agreed. n/t

[redqueen]

3. I agree.

And people who watch those shows are just enabling it.

[yesphan]

4. I've watched a few minutes of those shows.

It was very creepy and made me feel angry towards the parents.
I don't understand how this kind of thing is now accepted and mainstream.

[redqueen]

5. I was 12 in the early 80's

And OMG yes, I identify for sure, and I would wager that many women do.

My stories are not uncommon. They’re more common than we want to think. As my friend Panic said: “Ask anyone who is or has been a teenaged girl. 15-yr-old boys assaulting women is common. It’s ‘normal.’” It’s so normal, in fact, that we don’t talk about it until we’re women and we know it doesn’t have to be.

[ismnotwasm]

6. I had a sexual experience in high school. I was 15.

At a party. I was drunk. (I didn't go to school much) that caused a certain amount of teasing, what we would call bullying today. My body was certainly part of the discussion.

I responded by calling the origin of the problem "no dick Rick" which did nothing to enhance his status. Since I never had the experience of 'normal' teenage girls, I ran away, lived on the streets etc. while I can tell horrific stories, that's probably the one that's closest to 'normal'

I never was any good at taking any shit. Talking it maybe.

[redqueen]

7. I was 13 when I was sexually harrassed in gym class.

And when I was punished by the woman who taught the class for my outspoken negative reaction, while the boy was unpunished, I learned an important lesson.


I was 18 when I decided to dress up in a mini skirt and heels to go to a hard rock concert. I was treated like I had a 'grope me' sign around my neck. Another important lesson learned.

[boston bean]

8. When I was in first grade, I remember this like it was yesterday...

We were at our desks before school actually started.

My friend Henry and I were goofing around. We were both lifting our shirts.

The teacher came in. I got yelled at and sent to the principals office.

Henry didn't receive the same treatment.

I remember being so embarassed and didn't even know why I felt that way.

Funny how you can remember these things sometimes......

[redqueen]

10. I can't believe you were sent to the principal for that.

I imagine we could fill a thread with all of our experiences... they are all too frequent.

But it seems like these ones, the ones in which some larger impression is made, are the ones most vividly remembered.

[boston bean]

11. It didn't ruin my life or even something that I think about often.

But it was the first time I was made to conform to a role.

And at the time, I didn't even know it. I was made to feel shame.

[redqueen]

12. Oh I doubt anyone's lives were ruined by these incidents.

As she said they just serve as reminders of our place in society.

[seabeyond]

9. this is very good. i wish both genders would have to read as teens to understand and be able to

empathize. create discussion and dialogue. it is really not that challenging.

i had many growing up. even older i have experience many.

i was at a company party a couple years ago. my husbands company. i didnt know anyone. a group of us outside chatting, drinking. i heard a man over me saying something, bigger smaller. i was listening to someone else.

i glance up and he had gotten to me.

big boobs. i look down at my boobs, to see what he is talking about. look up at him. down at his crotch. back up to his eyes. frown. and say.... little dick.

wtf????

i dont know these people. fuck him.

this was perfectly stated. and so true. said it in a way that better explains what we talk about.

I have never stopped being reminded of my there-for-men status.