Rape culture 101

[ismnotwasm]

Let me start by saying MAHOOSIVE HUGE TRIGGER WARNING. I will be discussing rape, sexual assault and child abuse.

Recently, I have been asked by numerous people what a rape culture is, and whether we really live in one. What’s victim blaming? What about rape jokes? Well, read on dear bloggers, and find out the truth about rape culture.

What is a rape culture?

A rape culture is a culture in which rape and sexual assault become normalised, encouraged by the media, the law, language, advertising, and many other things. It is a culture where women are seen are sexual objects who exist purely for men’s sexual gratification; where male sexual aggression is both encouraged and glorified. Both men and women accept sexual violence as an inevitable part of life that cannot be changed.

Do we really live in one?

Yes, yes, and yes again.

As children we are told not to talk to strange men who offer us sweets. As teenagers, girls are told ‘you’re not going out looking like that’. As adults, women are told to keep their doors and windows locked, not to walk anywhere alone after dark, not to look at men ‘in the wrong way’, not to open the door to strange men, not to wear short skirts or low cut tops, not to give a guy their number, not to take public transport or a taxi alone, not to sleep with multiple people, not to drink too much, not to live alone, not to be weak, not to get raped. Because if we do any of these things, well, it was our fault wasn’t it? We led him on, we asked for it, we wanted to get raped. That’s rape culture

http://lifelovelauren13.wordpress.com/2012/08/24/rape-culture-101/


Nice article from a young UK woman who writes a kick ass blog

[niyad]

1. "fight back"

By day I live in terror
By night I live in fright
For as long as I can remember
A lady don't go out alone at night, no no
A lady don't go out alone at night

But I don't accept the verdict
It's a wrong one anyway
‘Cause nowadays a woman
Can't even go out in the middle of the day, safely
Can't go out in the middle of the day

And so we've got to fight back
In large numbers
Fight back, I can't make it alone
Fight back, in large numbers
Together we can make a safe home
Together we can make a safe home

Women all around the world
Every color, religion and age
One thing we’ve got in common
We can all be battered and raped
We can all be battered and raped

Some have an easy answer
They buy a lock and they live in a cage
But my fear is turning to anger
And my anger's turning to rage
And I won't live my life in a cage—no!

By day I live in terror
By night I live in fright
For as long as I can remember
A lady don't go out at night—fight back


http://www.hollynear.com/and_still.html

[ismnotwasm]

2. Sent chills down my spine

Thank you, I'll be looking for this.

Not every women can fight back individually, but together, I think we have a chance.

[niyad]

3. the link is her website, and you can probably find it there--this has been around a long time

http://grooveshark.com/#!/s/Fight+Back/2qGhbc?src=5 (you can hear it here)

[CrispyQ]

6. Love that.

Some have an easy answer
They buy a lock and they live in a cage
But my fear is turning to anger
And my anger's turning to rage
And I won't live my life in a cage—no!

[seabeyond]

4. men and women accept sexual violence as an inevitable part of life that cannot be changed.

If you use language such as ‘slut’ and ‘whore’, then you are perpetuating rape culture. But they’re just words I hear you cry! I don’t mean them like that! By saying ‘don’t dress like a slut and you won’t get raped’, you are passing the blame from the rapist onto the victim. Let’s face it, there’s nothing we can really do to prevent being raped. Especially by changing our clothing. Rapists aren’t looking for the woman with the shortest skirt, they’re looking for the woman they consider to be most vulnerable. Children get raped, grandmothers get raped, women with disabilities get raped… not because they’re ‘asking for it’, but because they’re vulnerable. Rape is fundamentally about power, so stop giving it to the rapists and start supporting victims.

In terms of the rape culture, rape jokes only serve to trivialise and normalise rape and sexual assault. For example, take the term ‘frape’. Now this term really annoys me. In what possible way was someone hacking your facebook page anything like the harrowing and disturbing experience of rape? Call me a killjoy, but I fail to see the similarities. But what could I say instead, you ask? Well, you could just say somebody hacked my facebook. Or how about I was really dumb and left my account open on another computer? I think both of these are more accurate.

Rape jokes are also extremely disrespectful to victims of rape and sexual assault. Rape and sexual assault can cause post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, panic attacks, anxiety, eating disorders, self-harm, drug abuse and even suicide. Making light of a victim’s experiences is only going to trigger and/or intensify these potentially life-threatening consequences. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather just say a different joke than trigger a potential suicide. But hey, that’s just me.

Not convinced yet? Okay, well consider this. Feminists don’t think all men rape, but rapists do. Rapists believe that all other men rape, but they cover their tracks better. So, when you make, or like, or retweet a rape joke, you’re saying to a rapist ‘I’m with you, I’m on your side’. You are condoning rape. You may even be encouraging that rapist. Still think rape jokes are funny?

reality. gang rape, rape porn is popular today. when i read and heard about the rape scene in tattoo girl, 3 minutes of graphic up close rape like no mainstream movie, along with the popularity of rape porn, my biggest issue was going over the line to create rape as entertainment. deadwood, games of throne, sons of anarchy, rape is entertainment in our mainstream media. the movies this last year, rape is entertainment. we went over the line, normalizing rape to get off on.

something for us to think about.

it feeds thru out our society and does not stay in a confined little area of entertainment.

[CrispyQ]

5. This:

it feeds thru out our society and does not stay in a confined little area of entertainment.

In the blog, she states: "Feminists don’t think all men rape, but rapists do. Rapists believe that all other men rape, but they cover their tracks better." Is that true?

[redqueen]

7. Sexual assault is so often portrayed as pleasurable to women.

I'm sure those of us who have spent a while reading about these issues can rattle off a list of examples. Others may not even have noticed it, because it's portrayed as romantic. Normalized.

I still can't help but to love the scene in Blade Runner when Deckard first kisses Rachel. But she is trying to leave his apartment before the kiss, and he slams the door as she tries to leave. It's a very rapey scene, but for those of us who grew up thinking that well, maybe if it was at least a guy we liked, then maybe being forced to do something you didn't want to just then... maybe that isn't so bad.

And who else remembers Luke and Laura?

I wonder how many girls had boyfriends rape them, and the girls were so conditioned to acquiesce, that it took however long before they even realized that ... holy shit, he raped me...

What a world...

[MadrasT]

8. If it's a joyous occasion, apparently it's OK for men to celebrate

by grabbing strange women on the street and kissing them.

(Because if a man is feeling good, he's entitled to celebrate by helping himself to some female action? Or something?)

[seabeyond]

9. ya know.

that one does have me chuckling that people are saying this out loud. sure, it is ok. they were happy. grab a woman, exciting times. lol. oh, someone said it well. almost like you.

How dare anyone question a man's right to use a woman for his "celebration"! Those were the good old days, when women knew their place!

[redqueen]

10. Ha, you beat me to it.

It's true though... the spittle flicking outrage because someone dared to point out that maybe it wasn't welcome and was therefore assault... as if daring to discuss such an idea is so threatening... but then, I suppose it is, in a way.

[MadrasT]

11. HOW IS IT EVEN UP FOR DEBATE????

What the everlovin' fuck?

[redqueen]

12. Because women are assumed to exist in a perpetual state of YES!

It's put quite clearly here... but a jury hid the post, interestingly. I would love to see the jury results.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1255&pid=11548

[seabeyond]

13. can you believe that was hidden? one was offended. one was hurt. hurt.... by the post

like, how about the rape victim. no, i do not have the alert.

[redqueen]

14. Hell yes I can believe it. Rape culture, remember?

Most people don't even see it. And when its pointed out, it is NOT FUCKING APPRECIATED. >

[MadrasT]

16. When it is pointed out, people go ape-shit.

Huh.

Curious.

[seabeyond]

18. ape shit? really? lol. ya. nt

[seabeyond]

19. color me surprised. flat out, in your face

sexist slurs are fun.... talking about a serious issue, nah, not so much fun.

[seabeyond]

20. what everyone is carefully not saying is woman was well the second class citizen without ownership

of her own body. it was expected she would submit to the kiss, slap on the ass, pinch and anything else the male felt his right to impose on a woman. but, ... lets pretend it is a matter of celebration alone.

[redqueen]

22. Exactly, and almost everyone was raised to think it was normal.

It wasn't till the 70's that MacKinnon dared to say that women had the right to at least not be treated like men's playthings while at work.

[CrispyQ]

36. I can't believe that was hidden. Particularly considering the topic of the OP.

And on our forum, no less.

[MadrasT]

15. Twisty really seems to ruffle some feathers around here.

Huh. I didn't know that was alerted & hidden.

Huh.

Curious.

[redqueen]

17. Yep. But MRAs like Glenn Sacks are just fine!

It's a strange sort of progressive website, all right.

[ismnotwasm]

21. I think it reveals how all encompassing the problem is

Liberal men who pick up on what liberal feminists are really trying to say or are open to discussion as opposed to a snark fest, generally show a exceptional strength of character.

Most don't bother because they don't have too. Even if they're decent men in other ways--Unless its politically expedient, and/or doesn't interfere with their sexual entitlement, there is no real concern about causes and conditions that create women's issues. It's simply not there; they'll talk about problems, but not causes, unless they can blame women for those same causes and conditions. They're easily threatened and just as easily frightened.

A perfect example of the disconnect is FGM. I have never seen a thread in the general forums about FGM where male circumcision is not brought up as analogous. It's cognitive dissonance all the way.

[redqueen]

23. Yep, that reminds me of this, from that blog post about MRAs:

This is not only true on the right, but is also true in the comments and ideas of many supposedly "progressive" men. They become indignant at the idea that, for example, the sexuality that they have been taught to embrace may possibly be an instrument of social oppression for women as opposed to just the "reality" of things and the "way it is," as they have always believed.

[seabeyond]

24. though hasnt it seemed like the last year, more and more people are recognizing this issue

and actually saying it out loud. whether from the pornification/sexualization of women to the repug gov infringing on rights.

it just seems to me like i see more and more awareness than a mere year ago.

[redqueen]

25. Ha, at first I was going to argue...

but then I realized that you are not talking about here on DU.

So elsewhere, yes, I have noticed more awareness. Definitely.

[ismnotwasm]

26. Heh

[seabeyond]

27. no, no.

not talking du. du is regressing along with society. no. lol. outside of du.

[CrispyQ]

29. A sad, heavy sigh.

...but for those of us who grew up thinking that well, maybe if it was at least a guy we liked, then maybe being forced to do something you didn't want to just then... maybe that isn't so bad. "

I think a lot of rape falls under this category. And I think that very few of these perpetrators think of themselves as rapists. Nor does society, as well as many of the victims.

So, so sad.

[CrispyQ]

28. I finally had a chance to read the article & THIS:

I know it’s a hard concept for some people to get their heads around, but that is the one and only cause of rape: rapists. A hundred men could walk by a woman passed out on the street in a short skirt – but only a rapist would rape her.

[seabeyond]

30. ya. i thought that a good point for people that dont get it.

clear

100 dont rape. 1 does. not much about the skirt.

[CrispyQ]

31. Here's what's frustrating to me about this issue. And we've seen it on DU.

The men who are not rapists are mad that we ("radical" feminists) think that all men are rapists.

We don't.

But women can't distinguish which men are rapists & which are not.

Hey guys, looking out for my best interests trumps your ego. Maybe you should start calling out the rapists in your ranks, instead of blaming us.

These men know what it's about. They are 'real' men.

* Thanks to the HOF who posted this vid originally. I love it!

[seabeyond]

32. i am glad i watched this again. LOVE each and everyone of these men.

love the whole tape.

the thing. really crispy. it has been explained so many times. so many men get it easily and will step in and explain. and there will continue to be the handful that the radfems are saying ALL men are rapist. strawman. made up. purposely. i ignore them.

love the video though. thanks for putting it up

[CrispyQ]

33. "You never heard of E-Harmony?"

I love this vid. LOVE. IT.

"I can't take you anywhere." ~lol

So many fab things in this vid! Love the shot where all the guys are sitting on the stair steps - all kinds of guys! Types of guys one might not expect!

on edit: Diversity Rocks!

[seabeyond]

35. yes. there were so many moments i wanted to grab, what they said. nt

[ismnotwasm]

34. "Don't say that in front of me"

"Don't say it at all"

Love it.