America Unsure of How Many Wars it is Currently Waging

[EEO]

America Unsure of How Many Wars it is Currently Waging
The Nil Admirari

::SNIP::

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Nil Admirari): Earlier today, the United States was unable to answer the question of how many wars it was currently taking part in. The White House, Pentagon, Department of Defense, Joint Chiefs of Staff, Department of State, Department of Homeland Security, NSA, CIA, Department of Agriculture, and every member of Congress gave different answers ranging from "zero" to "around 130" wars.

Some American individuals and entities could not even agree on the definition of "war." And those that could agree on a definition wanted to make a distinction between "proxy wars" and "war wars."

::SNIP::

[leveymg]

1. Like Orwell - Satire so terrifyingly real that it reads more like non-fiction than the "real" news

This is so much like 1984 I can't tell it isn't "War is Peace" news but for the calendar date.

The White House considered the war in Syria a "war war" when America was helping President Assad fight the Islamic State, but considered it a "proxy war" when America was "helping" Syrian rebels fight Assad. It was suspiciously quiet on how to classify America's current role in Iraq or Yemen.

Congress said it had not been asked to declare war on another nation in decades and claimed we lived "in an era of unparalleled peace." The military and intelligence wings mostly asked what we meant by "involved," "taking part in," "waging," and "expedited weapons shipments."

The most confused group in America was its citizens, who have become numb to hearing about perpetual war and are unable to follow the conflicts their government wages until they escalate into "war wars."
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[DFW]

2. Well, sure

The War on Christmas alone, while not publicizing the many Americans killed in combat, has been a brutal conflict for years now. Just ask Fox "News."

[EEO]

5. When do they stand on a sleigh and declare "Mission Accomplished?"

[DFW]

6. That comes when we have been vanquished

We, the attacking force in the War On Christmas, shall be defeated, drowning in a sea of nativity scenes and choked by miles of righteous reinforced tinsel wrapped around our infidel necks.

[left-of-center2012]

3. America Unsure of How Many Wars it is Currently Waging

I think it depends upon which day of the week it is.

[Igel]

4. The real take-away is the definition.

Are we at war with Syria?

Wouldn't that imply that the DOD has some sort of troops on the ground there? Do special ops in the raid on ISIS count? If so, does that mean Obama went to war against Pakistan?

Are we really at war with ISIS?

Does supporting NATO countries in what they did in Libya count, even if the most we provided was logistical support?

What about CIA drone strikes in Yemen. Is the CIA really a war department? If so, I assume it has an army and can go an occupy territory. No? Oh.

We train servicemen in California. We train Ukrainian troops in western Ukraine. Does that mean we're at war with California and Western Ukraine? Or that we think there are Russian or rebel troops occupying Lviv?

By most standards the things that many on the extreme right and left want to call warfare mirrors the asymmetric warfare some groups wage against us. Small groups of US, uh, personnel engaged in small-scale actions against limited targets with no desire to do more than kill selected personnel on the other side--no taking of territory, no seizing of physical assets, no clear front lines or demarcation of the battlefield. Nobody wanted to call what those foreign groups were doing "war," but they're hot to call the same tactics when the US does them "war.'

Showing that it's not just warfare and syntactic trees (or buildings) that can be asymmetric.

[kairos12]

7. War on drugs, poverty, crime...who knows?