WANTED: New Trump Campaign Manager

[NanceGreggs]

Donald Trump’s “Make America Great Again!” campaign is currently seeking a new campaign manager.

(Warning: Do NOT read if you are Kellyanne Conway)

The successful applicant for this position will possess the following skills and attributes:

Must be a slim, attractive female with good legs and a great ass. Hiring another girl will help dispel rumours that Mr. Trump is a misogynist pig who doesn’t give stupid broads equal opportunities within his organization.

Must be a hypocritical Christian, so as to appeal to other hypocritical Christians when responding to questions about Mr. Trump’s hypocrisy.

Must be willing to work for a “deferred” salary, which will NOT be paid once Mr. Trump decides he’s not satisfied with your performance – and he won’t be, believe me.

Must attend daily weigh-in at 9:00 a.m. every morning, followed by a lecture on what a dumb bitch you are for not cleaning up whatever mess Mr. Trump created for himself the day before.

Must not be now, nor plan to become, inconveniently pregnant.

Must produce fifteen years of tax returns, so that Mr. Trump can assess how “smart” you were by not having paid any.

Must be available at 3:00 a.m. to fact-check Mr. Trump’s tweets, and ensure they are completely fact-free.

Must have sufficient computer skills to locate obscure online polls that show Mr. Trump wins debates by a margin of 99% over his opponent – or, in the alternative, the ability to convincingly cite statistics from polls that were never conducted.

Must be able to avoid a “deer-in-the-headlights” expression when appearing on talk shows, Sunday political shows, etc.

Must be able to stand up to Mr. Trump when he is wrong. (Okay – that was a trick question. Mr. Trump is never wrong.)

Must be willing to sell your soul in exchange for what will undoubtedly be a short-term position that will completely destroy whatever credibility you may have previously enjoyed in political circles.

Those wishing to apply for this prestigious position can submit their resume, along with a current Playboy-esque photo spread, to Trump HQ in NYC. All submissions will be subject to exorbitant "processing fees" to cover perfectly legal expenses that can be written-off on the campaign’s tax returns while winding up in Mr. Trump’s pocket.

Those who need NOT apply include Muslims, Mexicans, ugly women, fatties, chubettes, etc. For a complete list, please visit our website www.NOTyouFFS.com.

[mcar]

1. Must be willing to sell your soul

That's it in a nutshell.

[TheCowsCameHome]

4. ....and claim it as a business loss.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. Nance, you're on a roll........all over Trump!

Let me hasten to add..........as in Steamroller!

Love the website name in particular!

[AgadorSparticus]

3. Bwahahahaha!!!! 😂😂😂😂

So Awesome, Nance!!!

[no_hypocrisy]

5. Go for the obvious: Ivanka

[nolabear]

6. The latest in a long line of people who thought THEY were different.

But nope; they're just fodder for the soul-sucking machine that is Trump.

[Thinkingabout]

7. Must be blonde and blue eyed, be a member of Aryan Nation.

[Gothmog]

8. Kellyanne was not on the Sunday talk show circuit

She lasted longer than I expected

[helpisontheway]

9. I think she was off this weekend. She is tweeting crap out

about Hillary's temperament right now.

[Coyotl]

10. Must be a proficient hacker who won't get caught this time, and

not be just some guy who weights 400 pounds and lives on a couch in Mom's basement.



Must be capable of rigging several state elections the candidate is clearly losing.

Must know how to direct a outsourced troll army, proficiency in Chinese and Hindi helpful.

Must be able to lie.

[Sunlei]

11. she did look used up & worn. It's mandatory botox-spa weekend in the tower.

[George II]

13. This is rude, but she looks like she's really packing on the Clown White these days.

[George II]

12. Excellent. Was this leaked by the New York Times?

[stonecutter357]

14. K&R!

[Ligyron]

15. Daily weigh-in, Bwahahaha!!

Where have you been all my early DU years, dear lady.

You are indeed a treasure!

[bigbrother05]

19. NanceRants are DU legends, glad she's back

[LittleGirl]

16. K and happy to be the 100th R! n/t

[JohnnyRingo]

17. K&R

Well written.

[niyad]

18. k and r, and spot on, as always nance.

[DFW]

20. Applications:

"Are being accepted up until Election Day, and, depending on what you look like, and what condolence therapy you are willing to provide Mr. Trump, for several months afterward,"

[DinahMoeHum]

21. Sign the application in your blood.

[LiberalLovinLug]

22. "Must be able to avoid a “deer-in-the-headlights” expression when appearing on talk shows"

Kellyanne Conway sure has this down. She must share in some of Donald's sociopathic personality. She is very very good at never looking shocked or embarrased when a host describes some gawd-awful behaviour by Mr. Trump. Instead she quickly goes into some rant about how Hillary Clinton did this or that. All the while with a carefully crafted smile like she's amused by it all. I don't think anyone is taking her job anytime soon.