D.N.C. HEADQUARTERS MOBBED BY REPUBLICAN REFUGEES SEEKING ASYLUM

[Zorro]

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Borowitz Report)—A humanitarian crisis has been unfolding over the past week as Republican refugees seeking asylum have overrun the Democratic National Committee headquarters, in Washington, D.C.

D.N.C. staffers have confirmed that they were woefully unprepared for the masses of desperate Republicans who have shown up at the D.N.C.’s door, looking for safe harbor.

“These people have been brutalized for months and have decided to risk everything to save themselves and their families,” D.N.C. staffer Tracy Klugian said. “When they tell you their stories, they are absolutely heartbreaking.”

Meg Whitman, who is sixty, said she left her entire life as a Republican behind after witnessing unspeakable horrors under the new G.O.P. regime.

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/d-n-c-headquarters-mobbed-by-republican-refugees-seeking-asylum

[Bernardo de La Paz]

1. DNC volunteers offer remedial English & critical thinking classes to aid integration into society.nt

[Spitfire of ATJ]

10. That's "regular society".....

They're already familiar with "high society".

[Gothmog]

2. I love good satire

[rocktivity]

14. Satire, like automatic weapons and electric guitar feedback

are most effective when handled by professionals and experts.


rocktivity

[livetohike]

3. Borowitz always makes me laugh. Thanks for posting this.

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

4. K&R

[jtuck004]

5. One of them screamed "Oh no, there's already a wall!" But then they found the door. n/t

[misterhighwasted]

8. Haahaa

[63splitwindow]

6. EXTREME vetting is HIGHLY recommended...

[Kber]

19. See, posts like this make me really wish I could vote individual posts up!

[misterhighwasted]

7. This one is believable!!

Give us, (the DNC,) your tired, your poor
your huddled masses yearning...

[rocktivity]

9. Too late for the DNC to build a wall, I suppose

rocktivity

[63splitwindow]

11. Keep the door locked and peek out through the blinds?

[Spitfire of ATJ]

12. Bunch of boat people....

[rocktivity]

13. Oh, it's worse than that

rocktivity

[Leith]

15. Too Many of Them Are Probably Terrorists

They have worked against the US by blocking the president from doing his job, shutting down government several times, refusing to allow the government to do its daily business, and openly harassing liberal citizens.

Don't let them in! They will try to change the Democratic party into the hell they are trying to escape!

[niyad]

16. k and r + many gazillion!!! utterly priceless!!!!!!!!

[UCmeNdc]

17. LOL

[Pacifist Patriot]

18. May very well be his best yet.

[Demsrule86]

20. Hillarious...

It was later reported that Paul Ryan called the DNC hotline...they have reportedly talked him out of jumping from his office window...pointing out that if he didn't die he would be lying in a hospital bed with multiple fractures and forced to watch Trump campaign speeches or worse...the huuuuuuuge (according to Breitbart) Trump rallies where babies are person non grata culminating in the coronation er I mean inauguration of Hillary Clinton...how much must this poor sap endure?