BREAKING: The Onion Anounces it will be CLOSING!!!! UPDATED!

[MohRokTah]

Inside sources claimed it was due to Donald Trump and the fact that they "just can't make this shit up". Another long time Onion staffer said, on condition of anonymity, "In the age of Donald Trump, satire is dead."

UPDATED:

Another Onion staffer has come forward to reveal, "every time we make up a funny story about Trump, he does something even more ludicrous than what we came up with before we can even get it published to our web site! We were thinking, 'what if we had a baby throw up on him' and then he goes and throws a baby out of his rally for crying too much. HOW THE FUCK DO WE COMPETE WITH THAT?"

[niyad]

1. I can certainly understand.

[anoNY42]

2. Donald Trump out-Onions The Onion...

[Pisces]

3. Ha!!!

[liberal N proud]

4. It has to be getting difficult for them to write these last few days

[MineralMan]

5. Der Drumpf is a walking, talking parody of himself.

Truth is stranger than fiction.

[Xipe Totec]

13. Donald Trump -> DT -> Delirium Tremens

It even has a pink elephant on the label.

?w=450&h=600

[Purrfessor]

23. Discovery of New Mental Disorder Rocks the Political World

Donlirium Trumpens (DTs)

Donlirium Trumpens is found only in people who spend an inordinate amount of time immersing themselves by any means available in the thoughts and ideas espoused by Donald Trump. They accept Mr. Trump's views without question.

Withdrawal symptoms typically occur when people are challenged on their belief that Mr. Trump is a truthful and honorable person. Unable to recognize documented evidence that Mr. Trump is a fraud, a liar and an egomaniacal bully, their feverish defense of Mr. Trump places them at extreme risk. The most severe cases of DT can result in an obsession with the female anatomy, hallucinations and the complete and possibly permanent denial of reality.

Treatment includes removing a patient's access to the media, and most importantly social media including political forums. Sedation and confinement to darkened rooms is also helpful.

Symptoms:

Confusion
Frantic hand waving
Rapid heartbeat
Sweating
Personal insults
Paranoia
Inability to distinguish fact from fiction
An attraction to all things orange
Hallucinations
Constant touching of the hair
Agitation
Disorientation
Deflection

[ffr]

6. Only DT, the parody, has at least a 20% chance of getting his wish to use nukes.

Trump asks why US can't use nukes: MSNBC

[Bernardo de La Paz]

7. Difficile est saturam non scribere -- Juvenal

Synopsis of the Satires -- Juvenal
Book I
Satire I: It is Hard not to Write Satire

It is hard not to write Satire. For who is so tolerant
of the unjust City, so steeled, that he can restrain himself...

difficile est saturam non scribere. nam quis iniquae
tam patiens urbis, tam ferreus, ut teneat se...
(1.30–32)

[MuttLikeMe]

8. Is this true?

This isnt true.

[awoke_in_2003]

18. No

They've done this before. It is a satire site, after all.

[DFW]

9. The Onion should take heart

They survived Sarah Palin. They'll survive this. It'll be rough, but I have faith.......

[jmowreader]

10. I remember their real "closure announcement" last campaign.

IIRC the Onion reported the riot that happened after Romney was caught without a flag pin...their editors told them to quit fucking around, only to break down in tears when it turned out to be true.

[rocktivity]

20. You're welcome.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021297788


rocktivity

[IronLionZion]

11. ‘Why Can I Never Seem To Say The Right Thing?’ Weeps Trump Into Pillow

http://www.theonion.com/article/why-can-i-never-seem-say-right-thing-weeps-trump-p-53408

[rocktivity]

12. Foo-kin-bee-YOO-tee-full!

[img][/img]
rocknation

[MgtPA]

15. That HAS to be photoshopped.

His hands are too big.

[ailsagirl]

16. I was going to say the same thing!!

[Liberal_in_LA]

30. Those are huuuge hands

[underpants]

17. OMG! Trump murdered Scalia!!

[montana_hazeleyes]

26. LOL

Good one underpants.

[alfredo]

14. Ha!

[deathrind]

19. They said this when Palin was

VP candidate also...

[Lordquinton]

21. Classic joke

That's what Tom Lerher said when Henery Kissenger won the Nobel Peace prize.

Henry Kissenger...

[Maru Kitteh]

22. Who the hell could have seen "Trump has baby thrown out of rally" as a REAL headline?

WHO?

[uponit7771]

27. +1

[Kennah]

24. I saw the headline, and you almost had me n/t

[riversedge]

25. Chuckle. Good one.

[AgadorSparticus]

28. Bwahahahaha 😂 nt.

[Liberal_in_LA]

29. Lol

[George II]

31. An Onion story about the Onion. Clever.