Anyone here enjoy being " a loner"????

[dixiegrrrrl]

Love solitude?
Find you need huge amounts of time to be inside your head with your own thoughts, reading, etc?

Know and appreciate the difference between "being alone" and being "lonely"?
Prefer the company of pets/animals to people?
Can count the number of "good" friends on one hand?

And if you answered yes to most of the above, are you decidedly comfortable about it?

[NYC_SKP]

1. Yes, except I'm not particularly fond of pets either.

Though, as company, I'll take a lab over a relative or neighbor any day of the week.

I'm pretty comfortable about it.

[dixiegrrrrl]

3. Looks like you posted in the right group!

We are together in our aloneness....lol!

[scatalogical]

18. so glad to find you lol

how can one join this group?

[dixiegrrrrl]

20. You just did.

To subscribe to the group, go here

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1237

and push the orange button at the left top of the page that says subscribe.
Then it shows up under your "My subscriptions" page, and you come here and post to keep the group alive.
( that may have been an over explanation, not sure how used to DU3 you are yet)

[Joe Shlabotnik]

4. Love my solitude

I love quiet mornings (no radio or TV or family blabbing around me), quiet walks, or hikes through wooded areas or to a vacant beach with the dog. I used to love having a few beers sitting in the dying hours of summer sunlight in my backyard, with all 3 dogs and 4 cats hanging around. I lived in a rural area for about 12 years, but am now stuck back in suburbia, and I hate it. I miss hearing the neighborhood dogs all howling at night, and seeing the neighbors chickens, and peacocks fly over the fence to safely wander my yard, the sounds of the frogs in my pond singing at night..... I could go on but it would get depressing when I look around at what I have to deal with now.

[dixiegrrrrl]

5. I did not realize until a few years ago how much I needed solitude.

I was raised in small towns mostly, and spent a lot of time out of the house.
About 2/3 of my adult life was in rural areas.
Then I had to move and live in SF Bay area for 6 years, and it drove me almost insane.
THAT is when I realized I needed space, and peace and quiet.

Luckily, we now have almost total silence, almost total visual privacy, and rarely see people unless we choose to.

I can very much appreciate your disquiet with living where you are stuck, and I am sorry about it.

[Nay]

6. I love being a loner. I just wish I was allowed to be alone more.

Like most people, I am forced to go to a corporate workplace every day, and believe me, I'm just about on my last nerve from having to deal with people all day. Luckily, I do not have to deal with the public (that would put me straight over the edge--been there, done that, got put on meds), but several hundred coworkers can still put a dent in my good nature. It doesn't help that most of them are out-and-out religious nutjobs and/or Repub eejits.

I've got a couple of years before I can retire, and it seems SOOOOOO far away. I recently found out I have Type 2 diabetes, so I have that to deal with and worry about. I realize it probably won't kill me overnight and my doctor says I am his perfect patient (blood sugars under superb control), but it still nags at me because I REALLY wanted to die of a quick heart attack at age 80 or something, not some degenerative disease. So now, I have this longing, this yearning, to retire TODAY so I can enjoy at least a few years without other people in my face! I think this feeling drives a lot of loners crazy -- we just can't seem to be alone enough for our mental well being, and that fact ends up making our daily lives more unpleasant than we think it should be. If I had it to do over, I would have become one of those wildlife scientists who stays in the woods for 6 months at a time, counting caribou or something. Perfect!

If I had a pet, I would definitely prefer its company to that of a human, in general. I make exceptions for the grandkids and certain relatives. Pets are so loving by nature, so giving, so humorous, so attuned to you as you are attuned to them. They remind me of toddlers, who also are so purely innocent that the humanity you wish everyone possessed shines through them and reminds you of what humanity could really be like, if it tried. Few people try. That's a main reason I'm a loner.

[dixiegrrrrl]

8. You may have put your finger on something..

Often we hear of complaints about people who serve the public being unpleasant or withdrawn or unhappy in demeanor, and it might be that they would be happier in more solitary jobs.And perhaps not even realize it!

I loved my job, I had lots of clients and co-workers around every day, it never bothered me, altho in private life I preferred to be alone, until one day I was suddenly .."done" with wanting to work, was also financially able to retire early, and now I cannot imagine being able to be comfortable in the environment I worked in for so many years.
I regard having to go grocery shopping as an intrusion on my isolation;
even tho we are so rural I hardly see anyone at the store, it still feels "crowded".

[Sisaruus]

7. I love being alone

I'm quite comfortable and, as I'm reaching age 60, unabashedly proud of it. I've stopped making up excuses; I simply prefer solitude.

[catchnrelease]

9. Absolutely

Nothing as good as being left alone to do what you want, when and how you want to do it without having to explain yourself. I've always been a "loner", even as a kid I liked to play make believe games on my own. Several years ago I learned about what being an introvert is and it reinforced my feeling that there is nothing wrong with how I want to live/be. So now, luckily I am also retired, I can pretty much make my own schedule to do what I want and only deal with "people" when I feel like it. Of course there are still some times I have to deal with crowds, but generally it's because they are part of the activity that I want to do--a concert, quilt, dog or garden show, things like that. But now I also know how to recover from being in a sea of humanity.

I have to note that I do have a small core group of friends, most who are also loners, that have a great time getting together for a meal once a month or so. But I think our get togethers are theraputic for all of us.

[stuntcat]

10. yep yep

I am never lonely, and never bored.

My best friend lives on the opposite coast and my mom & favorite aunt live far away. And my husband is good at being a loner too, we hang out quietly for hours.

If I had some better choices for company where we live then I'd be more social, but I work from home and I can't drive. Anyway I'm fine with that

[BigDemVoter]

11. Yes!

I have 2 dogs, and I generally prefer their company over that of other humans!

[scatalogical]

17. I love my dog

sometimes life can push one into wanting to be alone.

[Scottybeamer70]

12. Have been a loner.........

most of my life and have enjoyed it. Now that I'm over 70, there are days it
seems to get to me a bit. I do live in a senior community, and I think most
are loners as well. I still haven't gotten the courage, or whatever it takes,
to join in playing bingo or cards. Didn't even go to the xmas luncheon.
I do like being alone, but I do have my days when I am lonely, and don't
know how to overcome that feeling. I have no family left, and most of
my friends have passed on or living in other places. Mostly, I'm comfortable
with being alone.

[dixiegrrrrl]

13. Does DU help with the lonely at all?

Serious question.

For me it is a question of balance. I need about 80% of being to myself and 20% of interacting with
others, including my pets. ( are you allowed a pet??)
Perhaps there is some short duration but structured activity you can do around other people which can balance the mostly alone time?
do they need volunteers for any thing where you live? Maybe sit with someone and read to them or just be with them?

When I lived totally alone, I always volunteered at the major holidays at the local food bank or "soup kitchen" place, to serve, which made the holiday extra special for me.

Anything like that appeal to you?

[MadrasT]

14. That's about where I am

About 80/20 (when it comes to being around other people).

I can have my cats around about 90% of the time, but I even need "alone time" away from them on occasion.

To answer your original question, I am completely OK with it. I used to wonder if there was something wrong with me because I don't love to be around other people a lot, but now I understand that I am just wired differently.

I don't dislike all people. I just need a LOT of solitude. And oh, how I love my solitude....

[dixiegrrrrl]

15. Us Introverts get a lot of bad press

The societal norm is presented as being an extrovert...just look at any commercial.
One of the "symptoms" of depression is being "withdrawn" "unsocial"...sheesh.

It took decades before I realized that not only was I an introvert ( altho I can fake being extroverted when I have to)
but that my mother was seriously agoraphobic, plus both my sons are deep introverts, one more than the other,
and that is...just fine.

Most people out there in my community sphere are not half as much interesting as my own thoughts, the books I read,
the internet, the birds and the garden outside, etc.

[MadrasT]

24. Yep.

For a long time, I worried "what's wrong with me?"

Now I know there's nothing wrong with me, it's just the way I am wired and it is perfectly OK. (I can fake extroverted, too, but it takes a lot of energy.)

I have never been bored with my own company... toss other people into my world, that's a different story.

[IrishAyes]

93. Actually I spent a lot of time wondering what was wrong with OTHER people

But then I always had a pretty healthy ego, and really hated it when higher-ups wanted to 'help' me be more like everyone else. That always made me twitchy. My best friend now lives half a block away. We visit every few weeks and talk on the phone maybe once a month or so. I'm happy enough knowing she's there if I need her and vice versa.

[Hula Popper]

91. re: bad press

found this...

http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html

[dixiegrrrrl]

92. That IS good to hear, isn't it?

[Scottybeamer70]

16. DU...

DU does help. I've had all the pets I need in a lifetime. Done with that phase.
I don't drive anymore, so volunteering is pretty much out of the question, although
I have volunteered in the past, and loved it.
I just moved to this community 2 1/2 month ago, so I'm still a bit new here.
I'm sure I will find something or someone when I'm more comfortable with my
new surroundings.
Thank you for the post............made me feel a bit better............

[scatalogical]

19. some folk think Im strange

I would say I enjoy my own company. Finding people who I can relate to has always been difficult for me. I mostly do things on my own anyway.....how I managed to conceive children is amazing lol Now that they are growing up its easier to indulge myself more.

[dixiegrrrrl]

21. You put it better than I did.."finding people I can relate to"

THAT is exactly the problem.
Turns out most of us "loners" are also pretty high IQ and find "mundane" conversations stultifying.
We crave thinking time and brain food.

[theAntiRand]

22. Being around people absolutely terrifies me

I've always found people strange, so very unlike myself. What the average person finds value in just stuns me: sex 24/7, competition, "one-upping" others at any cost, doing whatever it takes to impress others even if it causes self-harm, I just don't and never have understood these things.

[RKP5637]

27. Yep, I know exactly what you mean. Also, when I look at some of the

politicians today, and then think about people that vote them into office, that really scares me a lot.

I'm convinced a lot of people anymore are really really weird. I don't know if there are more, or if they are just more public today.

I used to pretty much take people at face value, but anymore I'm more and more cautious and not as open to people. I also spend more time at home. I've talked to many others that feel the same, that being out in public one finds a lot of really strange people. I don't like it at all.

[RKP5637]

23. I don't know if I'm a loaner or not, but I've always been on the

fringe looking in ... many things that excite and involve "normal" people have never interested me.

[dixiegrrrrl]

25. I understand exactly what you mean.

Altho sometimes that "fringe" mode has kept me from going down some rabbit holes I would have regretted.
The observer role has always been more comfortable for me than the spotlight, and "going along with crowd "
was not my thing, since by definition I did not like being a group.
sound familiar?

[RKP5637]

26. The observer role, yes, I do that quite often. What always gets to

me about groups is 'groupthink.' I just don't play the 'groupthink' role very well. I'm too much of an individualist, not introverted, but just not a group type of person.

[marginlized]

28. Quite Comfortable with solitude, and don't feel 'alone'

I answered 'yes' to all those questions.

But right now, I don't even have pets. My last cat passed away in 1998 after 19 years. I'm still celebrating petlessness.
I love a good cat. And female canines of a brilliant breed like Border Collies are the best companions. But all in due time.

I've lived in fairly rural conditions before. Spent 22 years on five acres behind a screen of trees. You couldn't see the house from the road and visa versa, and that's how I liked it.

These days, I'm in a small house in a city and prefer the easy walk to restaurants and coffee shops. I feel as though I'm more social now than at any time in my life. But that's still not saying much.

[soccer1]

29. Yes, I'm an introvert

I like my solitude...quiet time. I enjoy being around people but only very small groups. i don't like being in crowds. I don't like to be around excessive "chatter". Lots of people like us out there! "Introverts" are getting some good press, lately.

[dixiegrrrrl]

30. "Introvert" used to be considered a mental illness!

I was reading yesterday about the Eugenics laws in North Carolina, and in the old publications, a list of "bad" conditions was listed, including "introverts".
right there between "feeble minded" and "alcoholism"....
traits that "decent people" thought should be eliminated by sterilizing those who had them.

[soccer1]

31. Our society has come a long way!

Really, really sad the way people have been (and still are, in many instances) labelled and treated because they don't fit into the model of what is considered "normal". But, medical research, research and study of human behavior and environment, etc. have greatly increased our understanding of the origins of human behaviors and conditions. With better understanding comes more acceptance...at least we no longer have people sterilized against their will. At least, I don't think it's legal anywhere in the U.S.!

[stevedeshazer]

32. Yes to all the above.

My wife is a loner, too. It's perfect. We only have to be together if we want to. When we both decide to spend time together, it's great fun.

I have just a handful of people I'm close with, even though locally I'm well-known in the music scene. I prefer to remain anonymous.

I love being a loner.

Look and move on.

[dixiegrrrrl]

33. Mr. D has a friend who is married and lives in another state than his wife does!

They have been married for over 30 years, living 2 states away from each other.
THAT is alone time, for sure!

but yeah, I hear you, he and I are both retired and never leave the property,
but are in different places most of the day.
That "long leash" has been working for 13 years now.

[VernaRose]

34. Always the loner.

Throughout my life I prefer to go my own way and pursue my own interests. I don't much care about what other people think and don't particularly need company to be happy. I love dogs and prefer the company of my dog over most people. I like my solitude and alone time. It is a requirement for me as it keeps me calm and sane.

[no_hypocrisy]

35. I've never known a minute of being lonely.

I treasure my solitude. I'm not misanthropic but I do love being alone.

[dixiegrrrrl]

36. I understand.

I think there is a strong correlation between people who dislike being alone and who get bored.
I have noticed that those who like their own company and solitude rarely complain of boredom.
Make sense to you?

[no_hypocrisy]

37. You hit the nail on the head.

I've been this way since an infant. Never whined or cried to be picked up and rather preferred being left alone to my own devices. Same in nursery school and kindergarten and playground during elementary school.

I'm social enough and enjoy people but find myself looking for an escape after a certain amount of time has elapsed. I'd rather be doing my own thing.

[Tripod]

39. Liar, Good luck with that!

You wouldn't be on DU, if that is what you wanted.... Oh the computer doesn't make you a loner? Because you are alone writing?,,, I don't understand? And you don't either. WTF!

[no_hypocrisy]

41. Preferring solitude doesn't necessarily make me antisocial.

[Tripod]

43. Good point, sorry. n/t.

[no_hypocrisy]

44. It's OK.

No offense taken at all.

[Tripod]

45. Thank youl

I like your DU name. I love the bounce!

[Tripod]

38. If any of you are truely loners...

You wouldn't be posting on DU, to find friends, or see if any one cares for you!

[dixiegrrrrl]

40. You need to read the SOP for this group.

It is for people who live alone and prefer to live alone, not for those who do not want to talk to people.

[bemildred]

42. That joke is so old it's a cliche. Especially here. nt

[fadedrose]

52. DU is political and democratic...and...

it has cooking, birds, flowers, trees, dogs, cats, books, and other things I care about. I like to see others' opinions without meeting them, so I can avoid making further contact with them. In real life, I don't know a soul who cares about all of these things...

I just barely tolerate gossip or vacation stories, and who's cheating on who or what they paid for their whatever. This is what makes me a loner.

I don't belong to the facebooks, twitters, and whatever make-friends groups out there...

[bikebloke]

46. Yeah

Now leave me be.

[LWolf]

47. I do.

And the older I get, the more I enjoy it.

[dixiegrrrrl]

48. Agreed.

At some point as I aged, I stopped worrying about what others thought, and all the "shoulda-woulda-couldas" went out the door, esp. the ones in my head.
That included having to "be nice and polite" to people who wanted to intrude on my space and time.
Living life on one's own terms is so liberating.

[LWolf]

49. That's what many just don't get. nt

[fadedrose]

50. I like talking to people (some of them anyway) on the computer....

It's got an off-button that I really appreciate....

[dixiegrrrrl]

51. Wouldn't it be wonderful if people had that?

esp. the ones who just HAVE to chatter every minute on a cell phone in the grocery store.

[TBF]

67. That is what I like as well -

I do like to talk to like-minded folks and I'm not shy. I'm perfectly friendly and nice when I have to meet people in social situations. But that is how I view it - as somewhat of a chore.

I grew up in a rural area with a dad who was sick, a mom taking care of him, and learned to function very much on my own. I do have siblings - one is much younger though. The other one who is close in age is more of a people person, but drew the line at getting married. In contrast I got married but I made sure to marry someone who is also quiet. We can literally send emails to each other if we're in opposite sides of the house ...

I guess I like the computer because I can interact when I feel like it. The worst feature is chat - I always have to remember to turn that off.

[Skittles]

54. I have a saying

"The only thing that bothers me about being alone is that it doesn't bother me to be alone".......it is absolutely true

[dixiegrrrrl]

55. And yet, the Mental Health manual calls it a problem

under symptoms of depression, among others.
" Isolates, keeps to self"
"Lacks meaningful relationships with others"

Boy, the pressure to conform is HUGE in our society.

[Skittles]

56. oh I hear you, absolutely

yes INDEED

[Whisp]

69. I don't hate people...

“I don't hate people. I just feel better when they aren't around.”
― Charles Bukowski

[ges5252fes]

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[Whisp]

66. yes, I do!

Just found this group tonight.

Hello, and very nice to meet you all.

Just scanning some of the threads and posts here and some I could have written myself.

[Blue_Tires]

68. I used to for much of my life

not so much now...

[north1085]

70. Loners

I'm a high school student at the the moment. Last year when i went to a high school where none of my primary school classmates had gone to, i was basically a loner. Back in primary school, i had around 9 friends and quite a few acquaintances. Here in this school, i had nothing of the sort. I realised that it was actually quite calming to be alone and more relaxing then being with my friends. The problem was that since i was basically the only person without any friends and no one had really seen me talking to anyone, people started to come up and talk to me, and i felt annoyed, like they were intruding my own world. It was then that i realised that i was suited to being a "loner". When i realised this, i started to spend more ample amounts of time alone, and i really enjoyed it. But the problem with being seen as a loner to other people in society (or in this case, school), is that people will pay attention to you, look down on you and treat you like you are some pathetic kid who failed to make any friends because his social skills suck. If i was born a bear, i could live my life in solitude, causing no trouble and receiving no trouble from anyone else, i would also get to hibernate in the winter, oh how i envy the bear. In any case, getting back to the story, because of the situation i was in, i had no choice but to start trying to find friends so that i could be alone once again. The only problem with that plan is that, i would have to spend the alone time i earned with my friends. I wouldn't necessarily see that as a bad thing, but i would have to make friends with people i would really consider to be my "friends" rather than people i dislike spending time with. I don't have many common interests as so-called "normal people" do, and my standards for a "real" friend are quite high, so i would have trouble with this. I'll spare you the details and just say that I DID NOT ENJOY THAT SCHOOL YEAR! Fortunately, i transferred to the school that most of my primary school friends were in. I'm now currently half-way through that year, and i can say that while i may not get as much alone time as i would have preferred to get, i'm still happy being able to spend time with people that i can really call my friends. That's my answer.

[TeamPooka]

71. welcome to DU! Life gets much better after high school

[hrmjustin]

72. Welcome to DU my friend!

[silverweb]

73. Yes to all of the above.

[font color="navy" face="Verdana"]And most decidedly very comfortable with it.

[dixiegrrrrl]

74. Being comfortable with it is SO key

I used to hear things like " you'll die an old maid" and worse.
In my 50's I met another loner, and we figured out how to live together in a way that meets both our needs for alone time and for together time.
So far, 15 years later, it has worked out just fine.

[silverweb]

75. I'm glad that worked out for you.

[font color="navy" face="Verdana"]A friend told me once about a client who was such a loner that she and her husband lived in separate houses on the same property.

That sounded pretty ideal to me, but even so they ended up getting a divorce after several years. Some of us are just better off and happier on our own.

[dixiegrrrrl]

77. Mr. Dixie has a long time friend who lives a STATE away from his wife.

They apparently rendezvous every so often, and have been married for over 25 years.

[silverweb]

78. Now that's creative.

[font color="navy" face="Verdana"]Makes me wonder why they even bothered with the marriage license.

It gives a new twist to the old "Love 'em but can't live with 'em" line.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

76. Don't have any friends where I live.

I like being around people with similar interests to mine. However there are none where I live.

[ConcernedCanuk]

79. yes

.
.
.

yes

yes

yes

yes

yes, and

yes

I do not mind company now and then, but not unexpected company.

If I ever find a partner again, she will be a "homebody" - someone who has no need for unnecessary shopping, visiting and so on.

I would like to have a partner, but it is not a NEED.

Town visits are for necessities, but I do enjoy the short chats I have with people I know in town. Small town, been around here for 3 decades - had my own businesses so know half or more of this wee town of 2,000 souls.

Still, my spirit rises the closer I get to home afterward.

You may have noticed in one or more of my posts I recently bought 28 acres at the end of a dead end road.

That should verify my response!

CC

[dixiegrrrrl]

81. Trying a reply again...

Yep..I did notice your comment about buying the land, and sure did understand.

About half my life has been at the end of country roads, very blissful times.
Other half has been in cement cities, out of necessity, much less blissful.

Now I am back to end of road bliss.

[ConcernedCanuk]

82. "end of road bliss"

.
.
.

well said!

And it's not just land - has two large garages as well as my dwelling -

and surrounded by momma nature . . !!

One garage, which I call the "shop" is totally insulated to over R20, nicely paneled, poured cement floor, wired for 110 and 220, much more -

an ole retired mechanic's dream!

"small garage" is 12 by 24 - 12 foot ceiling.

"shop" is 24 by 32 -

I be happy!



CC

[dixiegrrrrl]

83. I may propsoe to you........

[ConcernedCanuk]

84. small problem

.
.
.

Mr. dixie is the Prince of What's Left

I don't mess with other's partner's

did once 3 decades ago . .

ended badly



CC

[dixiegrrrrl]

85. Another small problem.......

I don't do snow.
Grew me some Southern roots about 30 years ago.....

I really do hope you find a lovely person to share your Eden...

[ConcernedCanuk]

86. LOL! - "I don't do snow."

.
.
.

Well I do - get two woodstoves going - play/work in the snow, warm up the hands by the woodstove, pick up extra warm gloves off a heater rack above the woodstove - rinse/repeat - back outside.

One place I built with an add-on that was mostly thermal panes with a gorgeous view outside.

I stood beside the wood stove in my birthday suit looking at my inside thermometer of 100 degrees, outside temperature of - 40 . . .

Overheated, I walked out and made "angels" in the snow -

ever seen an "angel" in the snow with a bum print??

Shoulda took pictures . . .



CC

[shanti]

88. Hey there!

Are you enjoying home ownership?

[ConcernedCanuk]

89. Absoutely!

.
.
.
Been a renter all my life until recently.

Like a few months back.

And it's not just about ownership - it's all the nature that surrounds me.

Everywhere I go on my 28 acres I see momma nature

If I could find her in person,

I'd probably marry her!



CC

[shanti]

87. Why yes, yes I do...

When I was working, I had a job in the adoption field, where phone duty was expected half the time. The job paid well, but the phone duty was emotionally draining. We won't even mention the negative energy that my boss and fellow co-workers provided daily. When I was able to retire at 55, I did.

My sons have all flown the coop, and all I have now are my two cats. If I could only find the right loner guy, I'd be a happy camper...

[dixiegrrrrl]

90. We have similarities...

I had 1-9 job as a Social Worker ( evening groups) PLUS Crisis calls all night long for a week at a time...that paid pretty good, but the ringing phone thing made me twitch for a long time after I took early retirement.
I met Mr. Dixie online, thru a series of co-incidences. He was on the West Coast, I was down here in Ala.
He too is a loner, but he did have a very small circle of quite bright guys he hung out with, and he misses the mental stimulation a lot.
Now if a gal from the back of beyond can meet someone across the country, by accident...................

[RegexReader]

95. Being with people is a forced act, a script that I have to follow but

I prefer to be alone with the cats in the house or headphones jacked in while out a long hike. Just me and the trail. Let's me regen to the point that I can play that script yet again once the alarm clock goes off.

[dixiegrrrrl]

96. If you have the ability to plan for retirement

you can design your life to suit an introvert's dream.

took me way too many years to understand the concept and how it fit me.
Life got better once I figured it out.