Shy? Fake being not.

[DetlefK]

Last edited Sun Apr 19, 2015, 08:57 AM - Edit history (1)

http://lifehacker.com/how-i-got-over-being-shy-and-embraced-talking-to-people-1692295385
http://lifehacker.com/5937348/use-the-ford-technique-to-make-small-talk-easier



- Nobody really cares that much about you. If something humiliating happens to you, e.g. a flirt-attempt gone wrong, it will be forgotten within minutes. That is, if other people take notice at all.

- How to start a conversation:
1. Greetings.
2. Compliment. (optional)
3. Question.
Readily available topics are:
family/friends ("What brought you to this party?&quot
occupation ("So, what do you do for a living? What are you studying?&quot
recreation ("You know what? You have something of an artist about you. Your hobby is painting, right?"
"Do you come here regularly? I have a question: ...&quot

- Ask questions whose answers will lead to more questions.

- Stay perceptive and sharp. Don't miss clues that could lead to more topics.

- Practice. Exchange a few sentences with a random person.

- When flirting, don't worry about failure. You WILL get shot down a few times out of pure probability. Wait a few minutes, then move on.

[PoliticAverse]

1. Hi. Great post. Have you used these techniques?... n/t

[DetlefK]

2. Partly.

I tell myself "Fuck this. What's the worst that could happen?" And then I improvise (each time) because I forgot the rest (each time).


Tip:
If the conversation runs dry and she says that she's going to the bar to get a new drink, that means "You are nice but boring." :B

[silverweb]

3. No.

[font color="navy" face="Verdana"]I'm not introverted because I'm shy. I can mix and mingle just fine when I feel like it, but I find it draining and tedious after a while.

I have other interests and better things to do on my own, and interacting too much with people who often just want something from me is more than I care to deal with.

Blanket assumptions about what it means to be an introvert are insulting.

[murielm99]

4. I don't think anyone meant to insult you.

Yes, people don't understand introverts. They often try to force them to get out and about.

I won't hug you, because you might not want that. But I will think good thoughts at you.

[silverweb]

5. I appreciate the thoughts, Muriel.

[font color="navy" face="Verdana"]I'm thick-skinned enough to not be personally insulted, but I found the OP's statements (below) generally insulting in their blanket assumptions.

[font color="black" face="Arial"]Yes, introverts are AFRAID of saying something stupid, up to the point where they rather not talk at all.
Yes, introverts are AFRAID of the uneasy silence when a conversation runs dry, up to the point where they rather not start a conversation at all.

[font color="navy" face="Verdana"]
Those insistent derogatory words are highly insulting to anyone who has introverted tendencies, even shy ones, and I responded as I did for that reason.

By the way... hugs are welcome.

[bemildred]

6. Totally.

I am not an extrovert, but I can fake it for extended periods when required. It turns out it's not difficult. And in fact you will get better at it than real extroverts. But you can't fake the need for all that attention, so don't make a habit of it.

[DetlefK]

9. The hardest part for me is getting a foot in the door.

I have problems approaching groups, because to me it always seems like they are busy with themselves and I don't want to disturb them. Single people, say because the rest of the group is temporarily somewhere else, are nooo problem.

The first step, that damn first step...

But, like with all introverts, there is a barrier. Sometimes I just don't feel like starting a conversation with random people for the sake of having a conversation with random people.

[Novara]

10. Introversion and shyness are not the same thing

I'm both - shy and an introvert.

When I was a kid I was too shy to raise my hand in first grade because I needed to go to the bathroom. So I peed my pants. I've mostly overcome that sort of painful, extreme shyness as I grew older. Now, people don't believe me when I tell them I'm shy.

But all my life, being in social situations drains my energy after a short time. I have to go home and recharge. Alone. Too many people in one place, too much activity makes me feel hemmed-in and claustrophobic. I hate crowds. Extroverts are energized by crowds; introverts are drained by crowds.

That's the difference. Shy people are afraid to mingle, afraid to speak up. Introverted people can converse with others just fine, but it can be draining.

[DetlefK]

11. Yeah, I know.

I'm also a little bit of both.

After all the complaints, I decided to edit my OP.

[Novara]

12. "Shy people miss out on so much. I don't get it."

Yes, a friend once said this to me. She - an extrovert - couldn't understand that my shyness and my introversion were not choices I made out of some sort of convenience or something. It isn't something I choose.

Extroverts just don't get it.

[GOLGO 13]

13. I once had a co-worker asked me, if I'm capable of speech in front of our other co-workers...

I looked at him & said, "better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and confirm it." Surprisingly, he hasn't spoken to me since then.

Meh.