Two old farts

[murielm99]

I worked for the county Democratic Party here for many years. I did a lot with them, and held just about every party office.

I got to know two men who had been in it since the committee was founded. They had done everything under the sun. They had walked every inch of the county, held offices, kept the headquarters open, walked in parades, raised funds, etc.

When I became chair, I had my troubles with them. They were misogynistic, and they did things to disrupt me. I had a shouting match with one of them. Still, they found out how hard I worked, and how good I was at fundraising. They ended up being sorry that I did not run for another term when a woman they really disliked was elected. They could have stopped it if they had not obstructed me.

For awhile, I had nothing to do with either of them. I concentrated, and still do concentrate, my activism on state and federal politics. I do help out with a couple of counties that are near me. I am still a precinct committeeman.

Gradually, I began to associate with one of the men again. We both knew that in politics, you can get your face ripped off one day and be allies the next. We resumed our friendship and worked together on some things. I was just beginning to speak to the other guy.

In the meantime, these two men, who had worked together and been friends for almost thirty years, had a falling out. They refused to have anything to do with each other. It was bad. I thought they might have to be kept separated so that would not start a fistfight.

We were at an event one night about a month ago. The younger of the pair, 78, became critically ill. He was rushed to the hospital. He only lived four more days.

Then, the other one, 84, fell. He died in hospice care just the other day. They died within a month of each other, never forgiving, never speaking to each other again.

I realize that there are times we have to cut off relationships. If they are toxic or abusive we have to end them. But these two old farts took their feud to the grave. They could have put it behind them.

I think I tried to get over the politics and backstabbing. I did not succeed completely, but I was working on it. I had rebuilt a relationship with one of the guys. I don't know if I am feeling bereaved yet. But I do wish they had buried the hatchet before they died, less than a month apart.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. It's hard to know if they had wanted to reconcile.

The sad fact is, time ran out on them.

How's that saying go? Don't let the sun go down on your anger, or something like that. I know it originally referred to married couples, but it can also work for friends who've had a falling out.

I'm sorry they didn't get there either, my dear murielm99...

[No Vested Interest]

2. It's sort of sad when people we have known for years go out of our lives

rather suddenly.

As a senior, up in years, I'm beginning to see illness and death, and even dementia among friends and acquaintances of long standing.
We give one another a hug on meeting, which we wouldn't have done in younger days.
We know our days are numbered, we just don't know the number.

You have to wonder how the second man, 84, felt upon learning of the death of his former friend. Wonder if he had felt badly, or regretted that they had grown apart. Was the hurt so bad that it couldn't have been gotten past?

[murielm99]

3. When he heard, he said,

"That's too bad." But by that time, he was in a nursing home, and in a lot of pain. I don't think he had time to process it, given his own troubles.

I think they were both just stubborn.

[No Vested Interest]

4. "Both just stubborn". It happens. I guess at least we - observers-

learn a little about life and human nature, and how we can best live our own lives.