Step Right Up, Ladies and Gents!
Bring up the youngsters, too! Just let me introduce myself. I'm Doc Goodbody, and I'm here to to tell you today that your illnesses, aches, pains, and weaknesses don't need to control your lives. Yes! You hear me! Madam, do you have pain with your monthlies? Sir, when you come in from the fields, do your legs and shoulders ache? And you, child? Do you sometimes get the Summer Complaint?
Why yes, ladies and gents, and you little ones, I know your many ails and pains. I used to suffer them myself. But, some years ago, I met Swami Hwatdehel in Boston, where he was giving a series of important lectures, and I took it upon myself to speak to him afterwards. I'm here to tell you good folks that something wonderful and amazing happened. The Swami immediately told me that I suffered from the chilblains. How he deduced that I can't tell you, but he gave me a bottle of a brown liquid and told me to drink of it three times a day. I did, and was cured of those danged chilblains in two days. Two days, I tell you, ladies and gents.
Well, I'm not one to waste any time, so I went back to Swami Hwatdehel, and asked what the miraculous formula contained. He didn't like to tell me, but Doc Goodbody don't take no for an answer. Not me. I got the formula out of him, you can be sure of that.
Now, I made up some of it, just in case those chillblains came back. But, it turned out I was cured forever, in just two days. But, I had friends with pains and ills and suffering, so I figured it couldn't hurt, so I gave bottles of that miraculous elixir to them, and they, too were cured. John, who had suffered from the consumption for years, resumed his work. Emily, who had been barren all her life, got with child, and at the age of 47 years! Everyone who drank of that elixir found their ailments and miseries gone almost as soon as they took it.
Well, I gave up my work as a first-class clockmaker, started making more of what I came to call "Swami Hwatdehel's Hindoo Helper," and started traveling the highways and byways of this wonderful country, bringing its healing power to all who would listen. In towns and cities, the crowds came, and found blessed relief.
Today, and today only, I am in your fair city, and am offering Swami Hwatdehel's Hindoo Helper to all comers. Suffer no longer! Be well again! Men! Regain your full masculine vigor! Women! Banish pain and suffering! Children! Grow up to be strong, healthy, and vigorous. Today, only, you can purchase a large supply of Swami Hwatdehel's Hindoo Helper for just 50 cents per bottle. If you're sick, it will cure you. If you're not sick today, it will prevent illness tomorrow. There is no disease known to man that Swami Hwatdehel's Hindoo Helper won't remove and leave you whole.
Just 50 cents per bottle, you wonderful people. And, since I do not know when I will pass this way again, I'll make an offer to you that will multiply your supply tenfold. Purchase 10 bottles of Swami Hwatdehel's Hindoo Helper and be healthy for years. Help your suffering friends, or keep it safe in a dark, cool place for future use. All of humankind should know of Swami Hwatdehel's Hindoo Helper. Today, and only today, get 10 bottles for just four dollars! Now, don't hold back. There is plenty for all. I've just created a new batch of the formula and this is my first stop. Sir! Step forward and embark on a journey of health. Madam! Buy 20 bottles, for just seven dollars and keep your children safe from miasma, croup, diphtheria, and all the dread illnesses that take so many of our precious children in their youth. Are you nervous? Weak? Timid? There is strength for all in Swami Hwatdehel's Hindoo Helper!
Yes! Step up to the wagon and regain your health. I'll just step down now and help you all. No need to crowd! There's plenty for all!
This original message is brought to you by Father Woo and Co., makers of Swami Hwatdehel's Hindoo Helper!
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