If Satan came to your door

[frogmarch]

disguised as a pizza deliveryman, what would you do? Let him in? Summon Jesus? Call Orkin?

[cynatnite]

1. Satan drives a sedan?

Color me underwhelmed.

Oh, and do you trust Jesus with your PC?

[frogmarch]

4. heh, well, at least he's

a snappy dresser, and when he speaks he sounds like a giant termite. Very sexy.

But no, I wouldn't trust him with my PC. In the video, I saw him typing: "When he reached home, he took a knife and cut up his concubine, limb by limb, into twelve ..." I don't need no stinkin' bible porn.

[Gore1FL]

25. You almost have to trust him with your PC

After all, Jesus Saves to Tape.

[rrneck]

2. That's all well and good but

how the fuck are we supposed to get rid of Jesus?

[frogmarch]

5. Good question. I guess

quit praying to him and stuff, but that would take time. Call Ortho?

[rrneck]

7. Last time I tried that

he was back in three days.

[frogmarch]

8. Maybe hanging very large

No-Pest strips by your doors would have done the trick. Or zombie repellant.

[rrneck]

11. Are you kidding?

I even put a big rock in front of it. Pushed it right if the way.

[frogmarch]

12. Hahahaha!

Of course he did! What did you expect?

[Kennah]

21. Pray to Crom

[wyldwolf]

3. say, 'honey, your mom is here.'

[frogmarch]

6. LOL

That would work.

[Curmudgeoness]

9. Ummm, if Satan shows up at my door,

I will have to rethink everything I believe (or don't believe). If he exists, I'm screwed.

[frogmarch]

10. I thought of that too.

I'd be in the same boat as you. Oh, well, I don't think we need to worry about Satan being real.

[deucemagnet]

13. Not sure...

[frogmarch]

16. I know what you mean.

Poe's law and all that.

[Heddi]

14. why are religious media products (movies, ads, music, TV channels, etc)

so consistently shitty?

You'd think with all the $$$ they're pulling in on a regular basis that they could get production quality that's a bit better than what you'd find on local access TV.....

Props to using a used Little Caesar's Pizza Box for a prop. Five Dollar Pizza Pizza.

Little Caesar's always gave me the padoodles

[frogmarch]

15. Maybe the quality is shitty because they

use eager volunteers who will will make movies, ads, music, etc. for free to ensure their passage to heaven.

Did you buy the Little Caesar's that gave you the padoodles from...oh, I don't know...SATAN?

[BlueJazz]

17. With the amount of innocent people dying everyday, Jesus needs to go back to Savior school

[frogmarch]

19. Yep. He's been

slacking off for the past couple thousand years. Come to think of it, even in his heyday he was pretty darned selective about who he'd savior.

[OswegoAtheist]

18. Because modern religion stifles creativity

When and what was the last original idea any church, mainline or fundy, came up with? The Christian side hug, probably. Everything that churches put out these days is a direct rip-off of existing products, from altered branding to commercials like the OP.

Oswego "there will never be another Renaissance" Atheist

[Heddi]

20. I accidentally watched one of those Kirk Cameron movies on TeeVee late one night

Just surfin' the boob toob at 3am and there's a movie, something I can doze to or whatever. I thought it was a lifetime movie because it was so horrible. I mean HORRIBLE. Kind of like how you don't even have to speak the language to know that a show is horrible, like when we were traveling back from Thailand and were stuck in the Seoul airport for roughly 10 years and there was a Soap Opera type show on for a few hours (yes, hours) and not knowing a word of Korean I could tell that this was some shitty acting.

Anyways, same with this movie. It was a real stinker. Then Kirk Cameron comes in and I make an audible groan and try furiously to find the channel changing thing. Ugh.

Same with Christian music. If you catch a video on the religious channel, it's always some tough guy DB with bad "tribal" tattoos (hi, 1997 called and they'd like their shitty body art back) and bleached blonde spiky hair, wearing his sunglasses on the back of his head, singing about garbage. And the songs are always titled "You Died For My Sins" or "20 Foot Cross" and the bands are named "Not A Second Of Doubt" or "Lamb of God" or some shit. Like computerized music...put some randomly placed words that deal with god, sins, doubt, love, redemption, and the computer vomits out a song about loving god despite your doubtful sins and being redeemed.

[OriginalGeek]

24. lol, there is a metal band called Lamb of God

and they are not a christian band. They aren't great but at least they aren't christian...

I think they are on tour with Gojira soon - I'd go to see Gojira but I'd skip LoG.


When they started out they called themselves Burn The Priest...wiki says they changed the name to LoG simply because their line-up changed enough that they didn't feel like the same band anymore but I always heard that they kept getting denied gigs because venues were scared of the name lol...


But to add to my other rant about "christian music" (metal in particular) I don't like it because of the message but also because I don't believe it is sincere. In other words, I don't believe for a second that it is made by musicians who want to share their art. I believe it is made by marketers who see an opportunity to make cash off the dingbats who buy this lame shit.

I love a lot of music but I try to stick to musicians who I believe are sincere in that they have the talent and the desire to speak to me musically. Not sell me shit.


I couldn't help but notice that Stryper is touring right now - what bunch of uber-posers! lol. Musically AND spiritually.

[awoke_in_2003]

34. To quote Hank Hill...

"You aren't making Christianity better, you're making rock worse"

[onager]

38. I deliberately watch them for the LULZ..

Sometimes TBN runs Left Behind and its sequel back-to-back. And I know it's time to make the popcorn.

I don't know which one you saw. But IMO, no big-budget studio comedy could possibly be funnier than those stinkers.

The original "LB" starts with a direct ripoff from Stephen King, with passengers being Raptured (tm) in the middle of an airplane flight. Only their clothes and dentures are...left behind!

Then, in a complete re-write of Armageddon as I was taught it by the Baptists...the characters get a do-over! Yes, if you didn't get Raptured the first time, you can still make it! While having lots of fun machine-gunning Satan's minions during the Tribulation!

To my extreme annoyance, though, I've never been able to catch the first Omega Code movie.

I've seen Megiddo - Omega Code 2. And trust me - it makes Left Behind look like Citizen Kane.

The producers obviously blew most of their cash on the "big-name" cast - Michael Biehn, Diane Venora, and Michael York.

O how the mighty art fallen! It was Venora's second-worst role ever, barely nudging out her one-eyed KGB agent in The Jackal.

All three of the Big Stars desperately communicate one subliminal message for the approximately 9 hour running time of the movie - "Where's my paycheck?"

With the $1.50 left for special effects, we get computer graphics that were developed on a government-surplus 386 PC.

For the Big Battle o' Armageddon scene, we see exactly one tank. It drives thru the set over and over, IIRC posing as a Good Guys tank some of the time and a Bad Guys tank other times.

One of the Fundie sugar-daddies needs to pour a few billion into making ALL the 4,700 "Left Behind" novels. And hire Michael Bay or Renny Harlin to direct. The movies would still suck, but on a much more grand Suckiness Scale with more stuff blowing up. And maybe it would keep their money from funding weirdo laws and Bible-thumpers running for office.

[OriginalGeek]

23. THAT is the goddamned truth..

I think they REVEL in unoriginal thinking...I pass a neighborhood church on the way to my wife's aunt's house pretty regularly and they routinely have the SAME tired slogans on their marquee as the churches did 30+ years ago in my youth...

"7 days without God makes one weak!"

Holy SHIT it makes me gag.

And I've mentioned here before about a guy I used to know who got some Jesus and decided heavy metal music was no longer acceptable but he didn't want to give up rocking so he found an entire industry of sound-alike bands that sang christian music. For every big heavy metal band of the day (Judas Priest, Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, Scorpions, etc...) there was a band that sounded JUST like them but sang christian lyrics. Except they sucked hard. He kept trying to get me to listen to them until I finally just had to tell him "It's not the music I hate - it's the MESSAGE". but I hated the music too lol...he just wouldn't believe me that the music was lesser quality than the real Glenn Tipton and KK Downing trading licks.


To paraphrase a car commercial of the time: "Everyone compares their cars to ours. Why buy the thing that is only like us? Just buy us."

[Kennah]

22. 12 gauge pump shotgun

If it is not really Satan, then he's screwed.

If it is really Satan, then I'm screwed.

[valerief]

26. there is no satan

[frogmarch]

27. umm, this is the Atheist Group, and

I'm pretty sure all of us here know that. Just havin' a little fun, is all.

[valerief]

28. Oh, okay. I saw it in Latest, not in this group.

Viva la Atheists!

[frogmarch]

29. Now that you've found us,

why not stick around? The more, the merrier!

[valerief]

31. Thanks. I've been an atheist since I learned Santa wasn't real.

And that was a long, long, long time ago. B.C. Before cable.

[frogmarch]

32. Santa's not real? Now, wait just

a minute there. How can you even think such a thing?

lol, BC is pretty far back, but I've been one since BT - before television - so I've got you beat!

Welcome to A&A, valerief!

[JNelson6563]

30. Stop in anytime!

You're among friends!

Julie

[Taverner]

33. Give him an ice cream

[awoke_in_2003]

35. Did anyone else notice...

that Jeebus swiped the pizza? . Oh, and if the best thing Satan can bring to my door is Little Caesers he is going to get his ass kicked.

[frogmarch]

36. I didn't notice that, but I thought

he was just a little too interested in the computer.

So I take it you're not a big fan of Little Caesar's!

[awoke_in_2003]

37. It is good in a pinch...

I have been known to grab one for lunch- quick and cheap.