Rejoice, for God's plan has been revealed! And it's perfect!

[DetlefK]

http://www.atheistmemebase.com/

[beam me up scottie]

1. Exactly what I would have done.

Reminds me of this quote:

“We must question the story logic of having an all-knowing all-powerful God, who creates faulty Humans, and then blames them for his own mistakes.”

~ Gene Roddenberry

[bvf]

2. Outstanding!

Free will + god's plan = ?

This smacks of division by zero.

[littlemissmartypants]

6. God smack gobsmack. nt

[beam me up scottie]

25. That was my sigline for a while.

I used to rotate authors but I think Carl Sagan's here to stay.

[Delver Rootnose]

9. I love the ....

....hello Cthulhu gif. Oh crap my auto correct just corrected my spelling of Cthulhu and capitalized it.

The dark one is moving up the pantheon if auto correct recognizes him and know to capitalize.. When it bolds and puts it in all caps then we know he has won.

Lol

Funny thing is the Apple iPad auto corrected it but it doesn't pass the DU spell checker. Who knew DU is run by Cthulhu heritics.

[onager]

16. New sacred scripture discovered...

[beam me up scottie]

27. onager, you are a sick and twisted individual.

I like that in a man.


"lusty tentacles" ?

[beam me up scottie]

26. Thank you!

I borrowed it from an absent friend years ago and kept it as a tribute.

Who knew DU is run by Cthulhu heritics.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.
May the mighty Cthulhu awake to smite the infidels!

[deucemagnet]

3. Mysterious ways and whatnot. n/t

[littlemissmartypants]

4. LOL. nt

[littlemissmartypants]

5. OMGawd!

I'm going to be struck by lightning now aren't I?

[DetlefK]

7. You are safe: Doesn't look like that's part of his plan.

[Arugula Latte]

15. Yeah, but the lightning has Free Will!

[Glorfindel]

8. From "The Mysterious Stranger" by Mark Twain

"... a God who could make good children as easily as bad, yet preferred to make bad ones; who could have made every one of them happy, yet never made a single happy one; who made them prize their bitter life, yet stingily cut it short; who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other children to earn it; who gave his angels painless lives, yet cursed his other children with biting miseries and maladies of mind and body; who mouths justice and invented hell—mouths mercy and invented hell—mouths Golden Rules, and forgiveness multiplied by seventy times seven, and invented hell; who mouths morals to other people and has none himself; who frowns upon crimes, yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon himself; and finally, with altogether divine obtuseness, invites this poor, abused slave to worship him!"

And by the way, he needs money. Lots of money.

[bvf]

17. I read a lot of Twain when I was younger, but

never "The Mysterious Stranger." Intending to read it now. Thanks, Glorfindel!

[Glorfindel]

18. You are most welcome.

Always my pleasure to share.

[bvf]

19. My humble attempt to return the favor: This from Randy Newman.

"God's Song (That's Why I Love Mankind)"


Cain slew Abel, Seth knew not why
For if the children of Israel were to multiply
Why must any of the children die?
So he asked the Lord
And the Lord said:

Man means nothing, he means less to me
Than the lowliest cactus flower
Or the humblest Yucca tree
He chases round this desert
'Cause he thinks that's where I'll be
That's why I love mankind

I recoil in horror from the foulness of thee
From the squalor and the filth and the misery
How we laugh up here in heaven at the prayers you offer me
That's why I love mankind

The Christians and the Jews were having a jamboree
The Buddhists and the Hindus joined on satellite TV
They picked their four greatest priests
And they began to speak
They said, "Lord, a plague is on the world
Lord, no man is free
The temples that we built to you
Have tumbled into the sea
Lord, if you won't take care of us
Won't you please, please let us be?"
And the Lord said
And the Lord said

I burn down your cities-how blind you must be
I take from you your children and you say how blessed are we
You all must be crazy to put your faith in me
That's why I love mankind
You really need me
That's why I love mankind

[Delver Rootnose]

10. When I first read this...

...I read step one as 'make hummus'. Which I thought was a great starting point. Downhill from there though.

[riqster]

11. Would have been kinder to the environment.

[Arugula Latte]

13. On the first day, God made hummus. On the second day, He made pita bread.

On the third day, he made baby carrots.

[valerief]

29. Ha! I forgot carrots had babies.

[Snarkoleptic]

12. I hate to be a downer, but several other gods have forsaken us as well.

(cue sound of sad trombone)

http://www.clickhole.com/article/7-other-gods-who-have-forsaken-you-917

7 Other Gods Who Have Forsaken You

Think God is the only deity who’s turned his back on you? Think again! Every higher power in the Universe has forsaken you. Here are just a few!

The piece hilariously begins with Osiris.

Osiris, Egyptian God of the Afterlife, possesses remarkable power, capable of saving you from any and all hardship! The bad news, though, is that he has turned his back on you, and your anguish means nothing to him.

[Arugula Latte]

14. Osiris can kiss my pastey heiney. I am a Bastet worshipper

'cuz Kitties.

[progressoid]

21. We have a couple Bastet bookends

Cheesy, but cute.

[Arugula Latte]

23. I like 'em!

You should put a copy of the Egyptian Book of the Dead in between 'em.

[Gelliebeans]

30. I like them too n/t

[onager]

24. Medicinal uses for Bastet...

While living in Egypt, I was told this by an Actual Egyptian - a woman with a degree in Egyptian History:

In ancient Egypt, little statues of Bastet were used to distract people in pain. Especially women giving birth, and teething babies.

That use led to one of the common pet names - no pun intended - for Bastet: the ancient Egyptian equivalent of "funny face."

[Arugula Latte]

31. That is funny ... Reminds me of my own experience with my firstborn ..

He was a big baby and "sunny side up," which translated into massive back pain, 24-hours of labor, about five hours of pushing, and other stuff which you don't want to know. My husband tried to distract me by having me focus on a photo of our our kitties, especially our little female, who had a fuzzy white belly, which I loved immensely. He was freaking out: "Look at her fuzzy belly! Look at her fuzzy belly!" (said in a high-pitched, panicked, oh-my-fucking-gawd-I-think-my-wife-is-going-to-die-in-childbirth voice).

Funny only in the retrospect of many years ..

[edhopper]

20. That was pretty damn clever of the Christians

after a couple of thousand years of God being a continuing presence in the lives of a select group of people, they proclaim he's done with all that so don't look for anything more.
Keeps their version of things going for the foreseeable future.

[Arugula Latte]

22. Kinda like how the angel told Joseph Smith no one else could see those tablets.

[valerief]

28. You forgot: "Have son out of wedlock. In fact, no Mrs. God at all." nt