Humorous Jewish Buddhist Sayings

[ellisonz]

Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the
wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with
posture like that.

There is no escaping karma.
In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never
visited. And whose fault was that?

Wherever you go, there you are.
Your luggage is another story.

To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance,
do the following: get rid of the motorcycle. What were you thinking?

Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions.
Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a
terminal illness.

If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.
Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your
problems.

The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others.
The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take
sides. The Tao is not Jewish.

Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip, joy.
With the second, satisfaction. With the third, Danish.

The Buddha taught that one should practice loving kindness to all
sentient beings. Still, would it kill you to find a nice sentient being
who happens to be Jewish?

Be patient and achieve all things.
Be impatient and achieve all things faster.

To Find the Buddha, look within. Deep inside you are ten thousand
flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.
Each blossom has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a
specialist.

Be here now.
Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?

Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness.
And then what do you have? Bupkes

From a website

X-Posted to the Buddhist Group: thread

[Behind the Aegis]

1. That's pretty funny.

[Duer 157099]

2. It works

Love it

[dipsydoodle]

3. Having watched on TV here in the UK

Old Jews Telling Jokes I've bought the book to take to Cuba with me when I go there for 3 weeks soon. Reading that on the beach will make some wonder why the grin on my face and the occasional loud laughter.

[ellisonz]

4. Cuba, lucky you!

Enjoy the vacation and give my regards to Raul!

[dipsydoodle]

5. An advantage

of being English. Side effect is that whereas I can't tell the difference between US and Canadian accents it dont mattere there : all Canadians.

[ellisonz]

6. Yeah - I really wish...

Obama would life the travel ban - it's not like we aren't in bed with the PRC, the time has come to open that door: somewhat jealous

[larryhirschhorn]

7. some new jewish buddhist sayings for passover

• You are only what you cling to, even if you remember to take your umbrella
• Do not overate what you have received, nor envy others. Just kill yourself for missing the sale.
• Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet, but first cut your toe nails
• The mind is everything. What you think you become. What you became we shouldn’t think about it.
• Four things cannot be long hidden, the sun, the moon the truth and your bald spot.
• Do not seek pleasure for its own sake, only suffering gets you attention.
• Resentment and complaint are appropriate neither for oneself nor others, but you might consider revenge
• Do not let yourself be guided by the feeling of lust or love., actually just cut out the love.