My dad died this afternoon.
He was eighty-six, and in hospice care. This was expected.
I am not entirely happy with the way things have been arranged, between my mother and their pastor. I think they are rushing things, and being high-handed.
The visitation is Wednesday, and the funeral is Thursday. I can't leave until Wednesday morning, and it is a five-hour trip. We will get to the visitation as soon as we can, but we may be a bit late.
I wanted to see the funeral and visitation delayed by one day, but the pastor has "an appointment" on Friday. My parents have been extremely faithful members of this church, and he can't accommodate the family?
My oldest daughter and my daughter-in-law can't get there in time for any of it. My nephew can only make the funeral, not the visitation. The community where my parents lived for more than forty years is just far enough away that some people who still live in that area will have a hard time getting there, too.
I am not feeling good about this at all. I think my brothers and I, and our families, should have had more say in the arrangements. The whole thing is unsettling. That is all I can say to describe it.
The last time I complained to this group, I was picked apart, so I stayed away for awhile. I suppose some of you will do that again, but I can't help my queasiness about this. I don't know what is wrong, beyond the loss of my father, but something is adding to my distress.
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Here's a link: http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1234
I lost my dad in Feb and mom last month, she also chose hospice and my sister kind of rushed it to my disapproval.
Take care.
I went through this last year myself and my father was three weeks shy of making his 86th birthday. If their pastor couldn't cancel his arrangements then maybe he could look into making an arrangement for someone else to conduct the service. While I understand the desire to have his regular pastor there, I think the person conducting the eulogy is actually more important. 
I dealt with a similar event last month. My husband, estranged but we'd been in touch recently, passed on. He was in his apartment, where I found him, tho his doctor had, I learned from the medical examiner, suggested hospice. Neither I nor our daughters knew that he was terminally ill. We are still in shock.
I had to do the negotiating about where and when, with daughters and his brother who had been in touch with his siblings. From what I can tell, such issues are very common among families, logistics about where and when to do funeral-related services and who makes the decisions. I'm hoping that no one will complain about what we decided, down the road, and 'plan' to ignore such if it occurs. Its clear that no arrangement can satisfy everyone who might want to attend, so its best if we all do what we can.
It was fine visiting with friends and family, and I hope doing so helps you, finally, appreciate the services you do have.
And I'm sorry you had a bad experience before here. I don't recall that thread, or maybe I stayed away from it, but I think NYC_SKP has the right idea for posting to the Bereavement group. I still don't know what it's like to lose parents, so there remains that distance in understanding. I can only give my sincerest condolences and hope that you heal from this and whatever the stress is
I'm sorry for your loss; even when expected, it's so very difficult, especially with "arrangement" complications are you're experiencing.
I'm also sorry you felt attacked here previously. 
Thinking of you...
It is hard enough to lose a parent without the added stress of arrangements being rushed.
I hope everything works out.
I'm sorry to hear it. Please know I'll carry you in my heart in this time of sadness.
Laura
Perhaps your mom doesn't feel like she can endure much of a to-do & wants to get the formalities over with as soon as possible. If it is just because of the pastor's schedule, then I find he is quite selfish. But then my feelings about organized religion & religious "leaders" is that they are a selfish, gold-digging lot anyway. I do hope this doesn't cause trouble within the family that remains here. I believe any negativity will only make your father's passing less peaceful. May you all try to handle this the best you can. It is never easy to say good-bye to a loved one.
I hope that everything works out for you and your family and friends. Please know that there are always Love and Light surrounding you and to make sure you wear it proudly when around negative people. Refuse to let that negative energy deflect off of you and back where it belongs. However, be sure that you deflect it with Love and Light that it will penetrate their whole being and that they will recognize it.
Best of Luck!
I'm sorry, too, that you felt picked on in the past, although I don't remember the thread...maybe I missed it. I looked back a bit and see that you've been through quite a bit in a short time, which I'm sure is adding to your distress. I hope the visitation and funeral worked out ok for all...
I have big hugs for you No matter what happens this whole time will seem surreal (because it is) May your father find peace and may you have peace.
been away. so sorry to hear. 
it's sad when circumstances seem to conspire and rob us of precious together time. it's hard to understand why, and perhaps there never will be a real reason.
i had to console friends who desperately try to be present for the dying breath that we will never know the hour or the day when our loved ones pass. but this seems so... temporal, easily within human power to change. your unease seems right in my eyes.
but can anything be done? will raising hell be the better solution? or perhaps a private after ceremony where the whole family can be together? i cannot answer that.
however, if you can imagine your father suffused in light and love, wanting to bring peace to those loved ones he's now physically separated, what solution and words of comfort would he give at this situation? let him speak into your heart the right response to this.
