Ishola Alolanle Fatai: Confessions of a Nigerian atheist

[rug]

I’m not going to explain why or how I became atheist, or tell you why you should too, or point out the flaws in your religion and what not. No. I’m going to focus more on certain misconceptions people have about Nigerian Atheists.

Posted by sk_johnson on July 13, 2013 8:51 am

I can’t remember the first time I came across the word “atheism” but I couldn’t have been more than 10 years old as I was still in that stage of my life where I could comfortably sit down and entertain myself by reading the dictionary, discovering new words that I didn’t imagine would one day apply to me. My computer’s Encarta dictionary describes atheism as “unbelief in God or in the existence of deities.” Simple enough, right? No really, it’s actually simple. I don’t believe in “God,” that’s it. Well, that’s not just “it,” of course, I also resent several things about the world and our desperate and sad need to cling to delusions but that’s not really the point I’m trying to make here. I’m not going to explain why or how I became atheist, or tell you why you should too, or point out the flaws in your religion and what not. No. I’m going to focus more on certain misconceptions people have about Nigerian Atheists (both words capitalized because we’re clearly a special breed indeed.)

First of all, I didn’t “decide” to become atheist. A lot of people seem to believe that there are people who turn to atheism because of some form of “anger” at “God” or the world. To this I say… I don’t even know what to say. Maybe there are people who do that; wait, what am I saying? Of course there are people who do that. But that isn’t atheism. Belief, or lack thereof, runs far deeper than any choice can allow you, or I make. For example, I know drinking milk will make me throw up, seeing as I’m lactose intolerant and all, so no matter how much I try to convince myself that it won’t, deep down, I still know it will. I prefer to liken it to how human beings can’t kill themselves by holding their own breath. Ever heard about that? You literally can’t; you will either give up because it’s too difficult or pass out, at which point your breathing will continue, regardless of your own volition. No matter how you try to convince yourself that you can hold your breath till you die, your brain knows it needs oxygen to survive, so it will force you to breathe. You can’t change what you know deep down. You can’t “choose” to not believe in God if you really do deep down. Similarly, the reverse is the case for myself, and a lot of atheists in general. I tried to kill myself by holding my breath; I tried to convince myself I believed, but deep down, I didn’t. I knew I didn’t, and that I never had. The only “decision” I made, was to stop lying to myself about it.

I am not “angry at God.” I can’t be angry at what I don’t believe in. I do harbor some anger, yes. But more at the world and the deception it’s perpetuated. At the anguish the world has inevitably cursed so many people to endure when they realize that they genuinely don’t believe in this thing they’ve been told all their life that they have to. Yes, many atheists go through crises of faith too. Well, sort of. It usually involves realizing that you’ve never really believed, and scrambling to church as frequently as possible, trying to convince yourself you buy into everything that’s going on around you and what everyone says. In the end, it’s up to you to decide whether or not you want to admit the truth about yourself, to yourself.

I do not “look down on” religious people. On the contrary. I wish I could be like religious folk. Life seems to be a lot easier for that lot. I mean, do you know how wonderful life would be if I could just pray and honestly, genuinely believe that would make all the wrong things right? Unfortunately, I can’t.

http://www.ynaija.com/ishola-alolanle-fatai-confessions-of-a-nigerian-atheist-30-days-30-voices/

[cbayer]

1. Interesting that he makes the argument that lack of belief is not a choice.

I tend to agree with him, but I also think belief is often not a choice. Some have used the argument that is is a choice to bolster their arguments that it's ok to be bigoted against believers.

I like the piece in general. I like his rather simple, straightforward style.