Happily Abused: How to Use a Woman's Faith & Trust to Make Her a Willing Accomplice to Her Own Abuse

[Ian David]

After stumbling across yet another piece of alarmingly dangerous advice for abused women of faith titled, Surviving Emotional Abuse Six Steps by Christian author, Darcy Ingraham, I am wishing I had more middle fingers with which to express my extreme irritation. Ack!

<snip>

To the "Six Steps" writer, "Surviving Emotional Abuse" means living with the abuser and "finding contentment" in a situation which, in fact, should not be tolerated.

If you are constantly exposed to emotional abuse, then you are probably humiliated and and criticized often. You may not be able to change the abuser, but you can make positive changes in and for yourself. Emotional abuse can only hurt you and hold you back if you allow it to. The Lord has a way of using the most difficult times of our lives as the greatest time of growth.

When I was experiencing some struggles of my own, a dear friend reminded me of that truth. She said, “When you have nowhere to turn, but to the Lord, it is then that you experience a great strengthening of your faith and untold spiritual growth.” These words were just what I needed to hear.

<snip>

I understand that not every abused woman is in a position to immediately leave her abuser—however, the advice in this article goes beyond merely offering trapped women coping strategies—it is encouraging women to believe God has a good purpose for their suffering; an idea which often results in confused and desperate women embracing the abuse and even cooperating in their own oppression.

<snip>

The most insidious spiritual abuse occurs when Believers begin to not only "find contentment" in their abusive circumstances but to find spiritual meaning and divine purpose in their sufferings. This sort of mental gymnastics can easily manifest as a form of Stockholm Syndrome when victims who believe that they have no options - no way out - delude themselves into feeling they do have a certain amount of control when they "choose" to embrace, support and defend their abuser. It is oddly empowering to an abused person to say, "This is what I want—yes, it may be painful, but it is actually beneficial to my spiritual growth. I thank God for this and rejoice in my sufferings because in the end, it all brings glory to my Savior!"

More:
http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/article/2012/06/09/happily-abused

[alittlelark]

1. I've heard this kind of sh*t from my mom.

She even told me that I, as a wife, should obey my husband.

No, I'm not kidding.

[thecrow]

3. My mom told me to "love him more"

I decided I loved my children more and filed for divorce.
Best thing I ever did for my kids.... and my dad helped me with the finances.

[rrneck]

2. Disaster capitalism. nt

[ManyShadesOf]

5. +1

[cbayer]

4. This pretty much flies in the face of everything we know about abusive relationships

and what women should do when they find themselves in.

OTOH, it does sadly describe what many women do actually do, be they religious or not.

[ManyShadesOf]

6. after she gets out

she can maybe see spiritual lessons. Being told to stay and have the minister mindfuck with, "Emotional abuse can only hurt you and hold you back if you allow it to" is more abuse on top of abuse.

A friend recoommends Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse "if you can read past the Christian stuff." He says the author nails how pervasive this is in various levels, throughout the culture.

http://www.drgregoryjantz.com/

[randr]

7. Religion in all its manifestations is nothing more

than an excuse to relinquish personal responsibility in all matters.

[cbayer]

8. No it's not.

[laconicsax]

9. I know of a professional therapist in Southern Oregon who does this sort of thing.

She basically uses Ephesians 5:22-33 as a guide for how to solve conflict.

[dimbear]

10. The moral to the story: women--don't date and certainly don't marry men who worship

male gods.

[cbayer]

11. Oh, bs.

Implying that any man who worships a male god is somehow likely to be abusive is just ludicrous.

[dimbear]

12. There is a strong independent woman in the Bible, Queen Jezebel. I'm sure she did fine. n/t