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MineralMan

(146,327 posts)
Sun Mar 3, 2019, 03:20 PM Mar 2019

I'm not a big fan of funerals.

Not because of the religious nature of most of them. I just hate to see people die. Still, my wife and I seem to be attending more and more of them. I'm 73, and she's a young lady of 62 years. There's lots of her family around here, and old friends of hers, so we find ourselves sitting in various churches and other places to attend funerals.

Occasionally, we also attend funerals of people who aren't family or close friends. My next door neighbor's father died, so we went to his funeral mass, just to be neighborly. My neighbor and his family were pleasantly surprised to see us there, since we actually had never met his father.

Another such funeral was one for a man we spoke to every day, while walking our dogs. He was in his 90s, and was always out on the front porch when we walked by of an afternoon. We always exchanged a few words and he always patted our dogs on the head. He wore a Minnesota Twins cap. Always. He knew statistics about the Twins, and always had something to say about his favorite team.

Well, we noticed his name in the Sunday paper. In the Obituaries section. Every Sunday, there are at least four full pages of paid obituaries. I read them, just to make sure my name isn't in there, every week. Anyhow, our old dog walk friend had died, and the location, date, and time of the service was in there. So, we went.

We had met a couple of his adult children and some grandchildren of his on our walks. Our regular mail carrier was his grandson, which we learned from him after the funeral. Again, people were surprised to see us there, but glad to see us, too. In his honor, I was wearing a brand new Minnesota Twins cap - the only one on anyone's head at the funeral, which got lots of comments because he was a loyal fan. When we left after the service, I left that cap on the table where people signed the book to show they had come.

I don't like funerals. But, I go to them from time to time. The point is to remember someone and to show that you remember, even if you aren't family or some kind of close friend. We go to many funerals where we do not know the guest of honor, but know someone well to whom that person mattered a great deal.

Most funerals I go to are religious ceremonies. I don't mind. If religion is important to someone or someone's family, then that makes a lot of sense. I don't care what anyone's religious beliefs are, especially if it's their funeral I'm attending. That doesn't matter.

Maybe some of those people would come to my funeral, but there won't be one. Instead, sometime later, my wife will have a gathering for people who knew me, know her, or who somehow have some sort of connection. There will be no prayers or homilies. Just some food and drink and telling of stories. Now, that kind of funeral I like just fine. It is an atheist's funeral.

16 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
I'm not a big fan of funerals. (Original Post) MineralMan Mar 2019 OP
I prefer Weddings. Turbineguy Mar 2019 #1
Oh, I love weddings! Truly. MineralMan Mar 2019 #2
I only attend wakes Cartoonist Mar 2019 #3
I have never been harmed in a church. MineralMan Mar 2019 #4
So? Cartoonist Mar 2019 #5
Ah, OK. MineralMan Mar 2019 #6
You are fortunate in that, MineralMan. Mariana Mar 2019 #11
Funerals, or something like them, are a necessary ritual. PoindexterOglethorpe Mar 2019 #7
" It's not for the dead person, it's for the living." mitch96 Mar 2019 #13
Yes. PoindexterOglethorpe Mar 2019 #15
I have instructed my wife to not Ferrets are Cool Mar 2019 #8
My wife has instructions to dump my cremated remains, MineralMan Mar 2019 #9
Love it Ferrets are Cool Mar 2019 #10
I've told my husband.... Bayard Mar 2019 #12
My buddy did something similar... mitch96 Mar 2019 #16
I have never been to one...only a couple of "celebrations of life" BigmanPigman Mar 2019 #14

MineralMan

(146,327 posts)
2. Oh, I love weddings! Truly.
Sun Mar 3, 2019, 03:35 PM
Mar 2019

I've been to many, many weddings of people I did not know at all. I was the oboist in a woodwind quintet that was in the business of providing background music for such events. We promoted ourselves fairly heavily, appearing at wedding planning seminars and shows and playing in the background there, with our business cards available, of course.

So, for about eight years, I often had to don my tux and show up to make music for the celebrations. Sometimes it was just the reception, but we also played at the weddings themselves fairly often. When someone was considering hiring us, we'd just invite them to one of our weekly rehearsals and play music for them and chat with them to figure out what sort of music they'd like.

Weddings are fun. Somebody's celebrating a happy event. We were always surprised that most often, we ended up being treated almost as guests at those receptions, despite the fact that we were getting paid pretty well for showing up to play. Everyone's in a good mood at weddings, and the band gets champagne, too.

One time, we even played at a very fancy wedding in Balboa Beach, CA, down near San Diego. It was a rare road trip for the group, and our expenses were added to our fee. Oddly enough, nobody in the quintet knew the bride or groom. We never did figure out how we got hired for that. Our best guess is that the bride or groom or both had attended a wedding we played at. Fun times.

MineralMan

(146,327 posts)
4. I have never been harmed in a church.
Sun Mar 3, 2019, 03:48 PM
Mar 2019

Especially at a funeral. I have been bored. I have been amused. I have been surprised. But never harmed.

MineralMan

(146,327 posts)
6. Ah, OK.
Sun Mar 3, 2019, 03:53 PM
Mar 2019

I guess I lost mine somewhere along the road. Kind of like a pocket knife, pride is. You're going to lose it, but you can generally find a replacement.

PoindexterOglethorpe

(25,895 posts)
7. Funerals, or something like them, are a necessary ritual.
Sun Mar 3, 2019, 04:23 PM
Mar 2019

The people who command that no funeral or service of any kind be held for them, miss the point. It's not for the dead person, it's for the living. As you've pointed out, there doesn't need to be a religious portion, just food, drink, and telling stories.

mitch96

(13,924 posts)
13. " It's not for the dead person, it's for the living."
Sun Mar 3, 2019, 06:06 PM
Mar 2019

Agreed.. The dead don't care... they're dead..

" just food, drink, and telling stories."

And I'll add laughter!! Good stories bring out the fun and good times you had with the deceased.. They live on in your memories...
m

PoindexterOglethorpe

(25,895 posts)
15. Yes.
Sun Mar 3, 2019, 08:12 PM
Mar 2019

When my mother died at age 82, it was sudden, but not entirely unexpected. When my husband got home from work that evening he said, "You kids need to be together. I'm taking you over to your sisters and I'm going to go get your brother and bring him over." Which he did.

Now, it's important to know that my husband (now my ex, which has nothing to do with this story) is Jewish. My family is 100% Irish (all four grandparents came from Ireland) as is my sister's husband. Well, when my brother joined us we stood around very glum, understandably so. Mom had just died. My sister's husband poured us beer or wine or something. And soon we were giddily telling all sorts of stories about Mom, and laughing hysterically. My poor husband didn't know what to make of us. His is a completely different tradition regarding the recently deceased. Luckily my brother-in-law understood and said, "It's okay. This is the way of their tribe."

When I die I want a traditional Irish wake with lots of booze, and I've got that in my will and I've made sure that plenty of people know.

Ferrets are Cool

(21,109 posts)
8. I have instructed my wife to not
Sun Mar 3, 2019, 04:31 PM
Mar 2019

have a funeral...just tell those who are interested that my ashes will be scattered from the Perdido Point bridge, hopefully to slowly drift into the Gulf of Mexico. Period. If they wish to go to the pub and have a drink afterwards, I applaud that.

MineralMan

(146,327 posts)
9. My wife has instructions to dump my cremated remains,
Sun Mar 3, 2019, 04:42 PM
Mar 2019

out of whatever container they're in, off the Robert Street Bridge, in St. Paul, MN. Since that bridge crosses the Mississippi, perhaps our ashes will someday mingle in the Gulf of Mexico. Drinks afterwards are certain.

mitch96

(13,924 posts)
16. My buddy did something similar...
Sun Mar 3, 2019, 08:41 PM
Mar 2019

Buried his mothers ashes in the back yard and planted a tree on top.. Lovely tree but he lost the house in bankruptcy..... along with Mom and the tree... drat, I hate when that happens..
Loved that woman.. Saved my bacon many times...
m

BigmanPigman

(51,626 posts)
14. I have never been to one...only a couple of "celebrations of life"
Sun Mar 3, 2019, 06:51 PM
Mar 2019

but I don't go to those either anymore. I wrote a trust and my ashes will be where my two dogs' ashes are(I drew a detailed map to a specific bush in our favorite park). My family has never been interested in funerals but it isn't due to religion.

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