My New Myth about the Origin of the Universe

[MineralMan]

The entity humans call God was breezing along one day in the infinite expanse of undefined existence when it spotted this round, red ball, just floating nearby. Ever curious, the entity examined it and noticed a string or something coming out of one side of the ball. The divine entity's gaze, of course, is a powerful, awesome gaze, and it actually ignited the string or whatever it was. Puzzled, the entity let go of the ball and started to leave.



Suddenly, there was a loud "BOOM!" and a cloud of ill-smelling smoke that expanded in size quickly could be seen.

"WTF?" the entity muttered. Then, it continued on its way, soon forgetting the big bang it had made.

The rest is history...

The moral of the story is: "Don't leave cherry bombs lying around. You never know what will happen if they go off."

[edhopper]

1. Hello Daddy! Hello Mom!

[MineralMan]

2. That's why rock 'n' roll is so bad for our children, you know.

Hmph!

[LakeSuperiorView]

9. Hello, daddy. Hello, mom.

I'm your ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb!

[Docreed2003]

12. Lmao....thought of this exact song as well!

[EarnestPutz]

3. I'm sure that this could be true even though scripture...

...does not explain how The Flying Spaghetti Monster
(blessed be his noodly goodness) didn't recognize the
cherry bomb as one of his own creations.

[MineralMan]

4. Hmm...well...this happened before the universe existed, so

there were lots of things just lying around. Nobody knows how they got there, see. Not even the entities that were around back in those pre-universal days. All this happened, you know, before existence existed. It's a freaking mystery, see? It's all a mystery.

[EarnestPutz]

7. Yes. Yes I do see. Now it all becomes plain to me.

It's like a light has appeared to illuminate the truth. Pre-universal
cherry bombs and pasta were just lying around. Thank you Mineral Man.

[MineralMan]

8. You've heard of "string theory," right?

Well it was pasta all along. Vermicelli, Spaghetti, that sort of thing. Looked just like string, see. And the cherry bombs? Well they look like little tomatoes, right. It all makes sense if you look at it that way, sort of.

Makes as much sense as any other creation myth, anyhow.

[EarnestPutz]

10. Now you've made me laugh out loud....

....which FSM tells us is a sacrament. Thank you.

[Act_of_Reparation]

5. The metaphysical equivalent of not pulling out in time.

God unwittingly creates the universe. God denies responsibility and runs away to Canada so he doesn't have to pay child support.

We're supposed to worship that, apparently.

[MineralMan]

6. Well, one myth's as good as another.

At least mine is simple. Except maybe for the existence of whatever place where the entity found the cherry bomb. And then, there's the cherry bomb, itself. Where did that come from? But, all creation myths have that kind of issue. Where was that Old Testament deity standing when he spoke the universe into existence? It's always an issue with creation stories.

So, mine's as good as any, I think.

[Permanut]

11. Not bad..

but I personally prefer the one reported by Stephen Hawking in an undated lecture from the Hawking website,

[link:http://www.hawking.org.uk/the-origin-of-the-universe.html|

To wit:

"According to the Boshongo people of central Africa, in the beginning, there was only darkness, water, and the great god Bumba. One day Bumba, in pain from a stomach ache, vomited up the sun. The sun dried up some of the water, leaving land. Still in pain, Bumba vomited up the moon, the stars, and then some animals. The leopard, the crocodile, the turtle, and finally, man."