A Question: Why Do Religious People Routinely Inquire

[MineralMan]

as to the religious beliefs of people they do not know? It has happened to me any number of times, always to my surprise. Generally it occurs shortly after we are introduced to each other, but sometimes comes out of the blue from someone I don't know at all. What response is expected?

Normally, I say, "Why would you ask that?" One's beliefs about supernatural stuff seem to me to be a personal thing. I would never inquire into anyone's religious beliefs or affiliations. I don't care about that. And yet, the questions come.

If my first response doesn't end the curiosity, I don't mind telling someone that I have no religious beliefs at all. If they press me further, I will tell them I am an atheist. With further questioning, I will explain that I became an atheist after long study and consideration. If even that doesn't end the prying, I simply say, "Good day to you," and walk off. I will not argue with anyone I do not know well in a public place about something as personal as religion. My lack of religious beliefs is none of anyone's business, really, and particularly if a person isn't well known to me.

Are these questions a rehearsed come-on of some kind, designed to lead into some sort of evangelism? If so, that's ill-considered, and will not prove to be effective with anyone, I'd think. Or is it a way to announce that one follows some particular religion? If so, why would anyone think a stranger cares about such a thing? I certainly don't.

It continues to happen from time to time, and it continues to puzzle me. Between established friends, discussions like that are sometimes appropriate and can be interesting. On a message board where religion is the topic, religion gets discussed. But with someone who is a complete stranger or who has just been introduced, it seems rude to me to begin inquiring about personal beliefs.

Am I wrong to see it that way? Out of my own ethical standard of reciprocity, I would not initiate such a conversation, since I don't care for others to do so. Do religious people not care about reciprocity? Or do they ignore that common ethical standard for some purpose? Maybe someone can answer these questions for me.

[samnsara]

1. my dtr lived for 10 years in Tenneesee..when i visited we heard a lot of God bless you...

...and have a Blessed Day from many of the cashiers or strangers in general (in the same area the N word also was widely used.. still!!!). When my dtr moved back here to the Pacific Northwest, she said the one difference that really stood out was in Tennessee- when meeting new ppl- the question "What Church do you attend?" was replaced, in Seattle, with "What College did you attend?"

[MineralMan]

2. Interesting. I wouldn't do well in Tennessee, I think.

Of course, I've known that for years, and don't even go there much. I did go to a conference in Nashville, but that doesn't count.

[demigoddess]

3. As a military brat growing up and moving around a fair amount, I ran into this in

every new school, I attended. Except for the military school overseas. It always started out with what are you and will you come to our church?? When I said no, it usually was the end of any interaction with that person, they never spoke to me again. Mostly they just wanted to show up at church with a new recruit and earn points for it. Today, for grownups, I think it is kind of like taking an informal poll of the people around them. I usually tell them I am an atheist, tho I am more open, just not to churches. Personally I think bigots invented churches.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

4. That seems to be more of a thing in the South

where it is likely to be one of the first questions asked of you, after your name and where you're from. But what they really want to know is not which religion you profess (Christian, Jewish, Muslim, etc.) -they will assume you are Christian because of course you are, isn't everybody? - but which Baptist church you go to, and if you're new in town and haven't picked a Baptist church to go to yet they will invite you to attend theirs, even going so far as offering to escort you.

With one exception, I've never had anyone here in the frozen North ask me that question unless it had to do with which choirs I'd sung with or some other religion-related matter that was directly relevant to the conversation. That exception was some years ago when I started a new job and a co-worker from Georgia (maybe it was Alabama) asked me, within a few minutes of meeting him, what church I went to. I thought it was a surprising and rather nosy question and blew it off with some comment about how I liked to sleep in on Sunday mornings.

I do think it's a nosy, personal question, and a bit rude, like asking someone how much money they make.

[MineralMan]

5. My wife's family, which is well-represented here in the Twin Cities,

are all Lutherans. None of them have ever asked me such a question. I show up for weddings and funerals at whatever Lutheran church they're held in. Normally, I just am quiet, although I might sing from the hymnal quietly. If asked to give grace at a family gathering table, I simply recite the traditional Norwegian table grace, in Norwegian. None of them speak Norwegian, despite their ancestry. Oddly, enough, nobody has ever asked me why I can recite a Norwegian table grace. I have no Norwegian heritage. I'd tell them YouTube, if anyone asked.

I did speak at my wife's mother's funeral, reading a secular reading about lasting memories. But, normally, I'm not really an active participant in such functions. At one funeral, though, for one of my wife's many aunts, the pastor came up to me at the "little lunch" reception afterward and said that she had noticed that I had open eyes during the prayers. She wasn't accusing - just being curious. I told her that I was an atheist, and made a joke about open eyes and her somehow noticing that mine were open as well. She laughed. We chatted for a while. She inquired as to my path to atheism and I gave her my briefest-form explanation. She just nodded. Lutherans aren't big on trying to convert folks, despite the word Evangelical in the ELCA.

I mostly get such questions from people who are actually strangers. I don't feel obligated to take part in such interrogations, but I don't like to be rude, either. I'll answer a couple of questions, but after that, I'll be on my way.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

7. Lutherans aren't at all pushy, except maybe for the Wisconsin Synod folks

-that's Michele Bachmann's church, quelle surprise.

I Jesu navn går vi til bords
At spise og drikke på ditt ord
Dig Gud til ære, oss til gavn
Sa får vi mat i Jesu navn.

[Ohiogal]

6. No worse

than when complete strangers come up to you in a store and ask you what your political affiliation is! This has happened to me maybe ten times since Trump was elected. (why me? I always wonder). In every case the asker was a Trump nutter. But, I digress.

I agree with Velveteen Ocelot that in the North, we consider asking a stranger what church you go to, to be very nosy, and borderline rude! I guess the people that do this must spend every waking minute trying to "size up" strangers. As in, Friend or Foe? Glad I don't live in the South.

[Voltaire2]

8. because Jesusland is in a holy war, a jihad, a crusade, and they need to know: friend or foe.

It still hasn't sunk into us "libruls" just what is going on.

[gibraltar72]

9. I have found it is recruiting talk

First they want to know what you believe then do you have a home church. I am a recovering evangelical so at that point I reply I really don't want to talk about religion. Reply is usually well I'll pray for you. At that point having zero fucks left to give I tell them I'd as soon have you spit on me. That normally ends the conversation.

[gainesvillenole]

10. Snap Response...

If someone I don’t know asks me that question, I simply and matter of factly reply “It’s all superstitious nonsense for the feeble minded”..... Shuts them up every time! Anyone I already know wouldn’t ask such a thing.

[Freelancer]

11. Southern Baptists like to chest-puff

It's sort of like when you see a Marine get approached and asked what unit they're with. They seem to tighten and straighten a bit as they reply. Then it's expected for them to ask "did you serve?" and the person who asked usually straightens a bit, and says "'66 to '68 Air Cav," or something on that order.

True, the person asking the Marine may have wanted to know their unit, but they also wanted be asked what unit THEY were with. Probably more the latter, I suspect, in most instances.

So, my guess is that people who ask really just want to be asked. And when the protocol breaks down, they go off. I'd suggest saying something along the lines of "Thank you for asking. You have excellent manners. You must have attended Sunday School. What church do you attend?"

Basically, just make it all about them. They'll love it for ten seconds, then freak and disengage.

-For what it's worth

[Mariana]

12. Where I live, it's still generally considered rude to ask that.

Prying like that is frowned upon. There's still a lot of "mind your own business" in the culture in my part of New England, and that attitude absolutely extends to other people's religious beliefs or their lack thereof.

I've also never been invited to anyone's church here, although most of my friends are Christian. It just isn't done, not by friends, and certainly not by strangers or casual acquaintances.

It's acceptable to tell people which church you attend, if any. For example, someone might say, "Next Saturday my church is putting on a rummage sale. It's the Methodist church here in [town]. Do you want to donate anything?" Nothing wrong with that at all.

A valid reason to ask someone about their church is if you're interested in attending a service or some other event there, and you want information. It's unacceptable to ask someone about their church with the intention of trying to recruit them into your own church. However common that kind of insincerity and subterfuge may be elsewhere, it doesn't fly here.

I spent many years in the Bible Belt, and I know which I prefer.

[msongs]

13. they want to find out if you hate the same people they hate nt

[Permanut]

14. The "Great Commission"..

Matthew 28: 19-20

contains what has come to be called the Great Commission: “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Having been to a number of flavors of Christian churches over the years, I've heard this preached a number of times. Some believers take this to mean that they have the right to pry into your life, and to make every effort to see that you are "saved".

Kinda like the Scientologists wanting you to become "clear". Creepy.

[MineralMan]

15. I'm quite "clear" about Scientology.

And I make that quite "clear" when some Scientologist bothers me. That religion's founder wasn't even a good Sci-Fi author.

[Alpeduez21]

16. My study of the world, history, and God

lead me to conclude either God doesn't exist or he's an asshole. That stops a lot of conversations.