Telling Your Kids Santa Claus is Real Could Damage Your Relationship With Them

[rug]

November 25, 2016
By Hemant Mehta

Should you teach your kids to believe in Santa Claus?

Some atheists will tell you “Sure, it’s harmless fun,” while others take a firm stance against lying to their children for any reason.

But an article published in the journal Lancet Psychiatry now says the latter approach is the better one:

The darker reality, the authors suggest, is that lying to children, even about something fun and frivolous, could undermine their trust in their parents and leave them open to “abject disappointment” when they eventually discover that magic is not real.

Kathy McKay, a clinical psychologist at the University of New England, Australia and co-author, said: “The Santa myth is such an involved lie, such a long-lasting one, between parents and children, that if a relationship is vulnerable, this may be the final straw. If parents can lie so convincingly and over such a long time, what else can they lie about?”

The other author of the paper says that none of this would likely stop him from telling his own kids about Santa — it’s all in good fun, lie or not — but he draws the line at using Santa as a weapon of punishment, teaching kids that Santa’s watching over them to see if they’re being naughty or nice.

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/11/25/telling-your-kids-santa-claus-is-real-could-damage-your-relationship-with-them/

[tblue37]

1. I think the effect depends on how solid the relationship is to begin with and

how deep the trust and honesty goes in every other respect. I am an atheist, but I didn't deprive my kids of the magic all their peers chattered incessantly about as Christmas approached. In fact, I took steps to make it as magical as possible for them.

When my son got old enough to realize the truth to a degree he could no longer make himself deny (at age 9), he asked me point blank to give him the straight truth, and I responded honestly. He agreed to help me maintain the illusion for his younger sister, though.

A few days later he said it kind of spoiled Christmas and destroyed all the magic of the season for him, and that he wished he hadn't figured it out, at least for one more year. So I took steps to make it seem that I was simply wrong to say Santa was a story. I created a situation where it seemed that only Santa could have accomplished something.

My son was thrilled and so excited that he clearly enjoyed the best Christmas he had ever had.

The following July, Michael said, quite matter of factly, "Thanks for giving me one last magical Christmas, Mom, but I'm OK now, so you don't need to do it again this year."

Two years later, his little sister (who is remarkable brilliant in every respect) informed me that she had known the truth since she was about 5, but enjoyed the whole thing too much to let me know. She also didn't want to spoil it for her big brother while he still believed, and didn't want to spoil my pleasure in creating magic for them.

[Bad Dog]

2. My kids know better than to ask Santa for anything.

This is a no Santa zone. We believe in Father Christmas, the modern day equivalent of the Holly King. No milk and cookies for him, who drinks milk anyway? He gets a glass of Calvados and a mince pie. He's a lot more fun.



http://www.timetravel-britain.com/articles/christmas/santa.shtml

[rug]

5. I don't think playing make believe damages children at all.

They probably realize it while we're still pretending.

What I think can be extremely damaging are the civic myths that are perpetuated at every national holiday.

[AtheistCrusader]

8. Not in this household they aren't.

"civic myths that are perpetuated at every national holiday"

[Angry Dragon]

3. Don't christians believe that if you belive in something it makes it real??

[rug]

4. No.

[hrmjustin]

6. No.

[AtheistCrusader]

9. This is one of those things like Gravity and Inertia. Without an external frame of reference

one literally cannot differentiate one from the other.

[Still Blue in PDX]

7. I didn't realize grownups believed in God until I wandered into a church as an adult.

When I found out that my parents lied to me about Santa, I figured that all that Jesus stuff was make-believe as well.

My mom had given me that old, "If there is anything I hate, it's a liar" line so many times that it never occurred to me that they would lie to me about anything. They finally 'fessed up when I was telling the other kids they got it wrong because I knew my parents wouldn't lie to me.

Gods, how embarrassing!

[AtheistCrusader]

10. When my son was old enough to ask, he was old enough to be told the truth.

He wouldn't have asked if on some level, he didn't already suspect the truth.

[Goblinmonger]

11. We played the game but decided early on to not lie to them when they figured it out.

That was kind of a tough couple moments, but the lesson was:
1. you are very smart and that's a good thing
2. being selfless is important (side note: my children are grown and are a social worker and special ed teacher, so I think that lesson took).

[raccoon]

12. I think if trust is already an issue in a family, lying to kids about Santa is harmful.

Speaking from my own experience.

[rug]

13. Children are constantly exposed to lies.

"You can grow up to be anything you want."

"Columbus discovered America."

"Pluto is a planet."