Religion
Related: About this forumA Call to Action from an Openly Secular Parent
November 26, 2014 ·
by Jessica Dapson
Im an atheist and a supporter of the secular movement here in America. Im also a mother of two children and homemaker to a humanist household. I spend my days changing my babys diapers and watching Sesame Street, while trying to make time to read through the latest books as I maintain an orderly home. And when it comes to raising my children, keeping God out of the picture is key. Theres a saying synonymous with parenting that goes, If I dont expose my child to the lessons of God, then no one will. That sounds good to me.
As I watch my children grow, I cant help but think of my own childhood and how I was raised Catholic. My parents, like many other Americans, seemed to have no problem continuing religious traditions. And many look forward to passing beliefs along, but for me, the buck stops here. Thinking back to when I was about 11 years of age, I remember weekend sleepovers becoming common practice. Id wake at friends homes on Sunday mornings and sometimes accompany them to church. Their parents never questioned whether or not my parents would be okay with me attending different churchesit was just assumed I guess. So, there I was, an 11-year-old girl who knew of nothing other than Catholicism, visiting Methodist and Lutheran churches. I remember sitting there, wondering why Methodists were given grape juice rather than sacramental wine and noticing how different Lutheran churches were with their bare walls. I was confused by the time I became a teen, after having become mildly familiar with various rituals and customs unlike mine, while questioning the existence of God at the same time. And my questions often went unanswered when I asked my parents about other churches, as well as my growing sense of agnosticism. I wouldnt get answers until I was approaching the age of 30 and sought clarity on my own.
Now Im a parent raising children and choosing to do so without indoctrination. Its a conscious choice that I made with both confidence and my childrens best interests at heart. Neither of my two children are baptized. We do not presently belong to any church, however weve been known to occasionally frequent Unitarian Universalist churches every now and then. Although I do not kneel and say night-time prayers, my mother still sometimes does when my older child is overnight at her house. A practice she established when I was a childone I remember cherishing at the timeand continues with my child. No grace is said before dinner is served in my home; however my father usually requires it as a prerequisite to family meals served for holidays in his home. We almost always fly an American flag up high, outside our home, yet I am one of those Americans who would prefer to see under God soon removed from our Pledge of Allegiance, so that it can be recited in its original form. There is even a Bible that is thoroughly highlighted (and filled with my hand-written notes) sitting on a shelf in our bookcase. But its not there as a tool to influence. Its there, right next to books of science, magic, and fairy-talesfacts and fiction for reference purposes.
I am a good person and do goodjust without Godas the American Humanist Association states. Atheist parenting does not require me to carry the devils trident. We non-believers dont sit around and blaspheme all day, constantly conjuring up ways to sin and run-down proselytizers. We do, however, have in-depth discussions about issues that arise that are sociopolitical in nature. And by we, I do not just mean scientists, writers and teachers, but parents as well. I am not just a mom, baking cookies and attending PTO meetings. I consider myself an intellectualpossibly even a novice philosopher. I believe that its healthy to expose my children to the concepts of religious pluralism and tolerance, without pushing a deity on them. And although I am a non-believer, I dont encourage my children to be the same. My older child claims a belief in God and Ill be damned if I am going to be the one to cancel that notion. A childs abilities to both think independently and explore creativity should never be stifled. I am honest about my non-belief though, and comfortable explaining why I feel the way I do. I know that although I can create a happy, healthy home where religion is void and God is absent, there will be plenty of experiences on the outside world to make up for what I choose to abstain from. My children may pass dozens of Christian churches on an afternoons drive, but it is the synagogue or mosque that I will be certain to point out and explain its significance. As each day passes, I become more aware of my actions and words, and try to avoid coming across as militant. Id rather my views align with those that are considered more progressive. Unlike others whose words come across as abrasive, I feel as though it is important for me to be kind and respectful. I take pride as a parent in teaching my children to stop and take time to interpret information that is provided to them as fact, religious or otherwise. Too many of uschildren and adultsbelieve what we hear and confuse opinions with facts. Its time we freethinkers, secularists, and humanists all come together and move forward with reform, rather than simply continuing to pass the buck.
http://dividedundergod.com/2014/11/26/openly_secular_parent/
Socal31
(2,484 posts)Although I will make sure that they wouldn't get frazzled by the mere mention of God on money or the Pledge. Trying to shield from religion may actually push them towards it to rebel, so they will hear all the basics but then be re-assured they are fairy-tales.
Being an atheist educated on religion also makes the "faithful" go nuts when they try to talk over your head in a debate, but they can't.
Spacemom
(2,561 posts)My oldest (19) is comfortably agnostic. My youngest (14) found his own way to Buddhism. They are both loving, moral and kind. Much more so than many in their age group that claim to be Christian.
cbayer
(146,218 posts)She talks extensively about having a house that has no presence of god She says
and
and then goes on to say that one of her children "claims" to be a believer and that's ok. I bet it's not ok at all.
As an "novice philosopher", she has a lot to learn, imo. How is she any different that a fundamentalist christian parent who wants to keep all that evil stuff out of their home?
I am sure she is a very nice person, but her position is reactionary. I hope she truly embraces her son if he is different than she is.
Fumesucker
(45,851 posts)How is the author different from the fundamentalist?
I suspect she won't tell her child he's going burn for eternity in the fires of Hell at the whim of a loving God if he does not repent of his heresy.
No one expects the atheist inquisition.
cbayer
(146,218 posts)Dr. Frist comment is pretty much out of line, Fumesucker.
I'm not sure what she will tell her child, are you? Maybe she will tell him he is delusional or take him to someone she thinks can rid him of his religious propensities. Maybe a deconversion camp?
Why do you assume anything about what she might do. Just an opportunity to insult me again?
Hope you are having a nice weekend.
Fumesucker
(45,851 posts)Without even the benefit of a video.
From my point of view I'm just returning what you deal out to me.
As an atheist who successfully raised kids it's my personal opinion that you don't have a clue what the author will or won't do but you certainly assumed the worst of her.
Some more of that tolerance we hear so much about here in the Religion group.
cbayer
(146,218 posts)If you feel that I go out of my way to insult you, then I apologize. I don't, but if that is how it comes across, then I am glad you let me know.
I also raised non-believers, so take a hike. Maybe that huge chip will fall off your shoulder.
Fumesucker
(45,851 posts)"and then goes on to say that one of her children "claims" to be a believer and that's ok. I bet it's not ok at all."
That certainly sounds like diagnosing her state of mind from where I'm sitting.
You goad me consistently after I spent a considerable amount of time revealing my feelings to you. I should have paid more attention to your many conflicts with other atheists on the board.
I never said my kids were non-believers, I haven't asked since it's not my business and as I have said before here I've never knowingly met another atheist.
cbayer
(146,218 posts)That's not an insult of you. It's not even an insult of her.
From reading her posts, I think she is confused. She's makes strong statements about keeping god out of her house, but has a kid who's a believer. That's confusing.
From where you are sitting, pretty much anything I say has something wrong with it.
It sounds like I hurt you at some point. I think that was inadvertent and probably a misunderstanding, but it certainly would explain your attitude towards me. Perhaps if you could give me more information so that we might straighten it out. Your take that I goad you consistently is something I am honestly not aware of.
OTOH, you come after me pretty much every time you engage me. I was discussing what I perceived to be a potential and serious conflict for this woman and her child, and you came in with your insult guns blazing.
And for your information I have conflicts with individuals, not with atheists. And most of the atheists I have conflict with, I don't engage at all. OTOH, I get along splendidly with most of the atheists that post here that I do engage.
Interesting that you don't ask your kids about their beliefs or lack of beliefs. Do you also not talk with them about their sexual orientation? Political beliefs?
okasha
(11,573 posts)cbayer
(146,218 posts)okasha
(11,573 posts)I wonder where all the dedicated defenders of indigenous peoples are today. Here's a case of genocide in the making, but I guess it doesn't count because it can't be blamed on religion.