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I just want to call out one of VSB's greatest posts ever
Panama, of course
10 Thoughts I Had Watching a Kayaker Get the Shit Slapped Out of Him With an Octopus by a Seal
This is Panama, and I know you guys know Panama's writing style. But this really is exactly the article this week called for.
1. This is exactly why I don’t fuck with nature. This is also why God made me a black man. More on that later.
2. This might be uncouth, but that seal would catch those hands. No bullshit, I’d have to jump INTO the water, find the seal and we’d have to fight. I can’t think of a single thing more disrespectful in life than being slapped with an octopus. I’ve seen niggas get slapped with money before. I saw somebody get slapped with a Big Joker to end a game of Spades. I once saw a man slap another man with a motherfucking Whopper from Burger King. All are supremely disrespectful and all ended up in (understandable) fisticuffs. None of that matches a motherfucking web-footed mammal using ANOTHER wildlife sea habitant to slap you in the face. We’re both mammals dammit, Broseph! The seal would catch those hands.
3. I’d probably lose to the seal but its the principle. OK, I’d definitely lose to the seal. Considering the location, we’d be fighting in the water and I’m not Aquaman so this fight already has a short time limit. This seal nigga don’ already slapped me with an octopus, so he’s kind of about that life, which means he’s probably looking for a fight to begin with. I don’t know what he’s dealing with in life or what, but wars have been started over less. Seal nigga is with the shits. So I’d lose, but nobody would say that I didn’t go for mines, is all I’m saying.
4. Back to not fucking with nature. You know who fucks with nature a lot? White people. You know who got slapped by an octopus? A white man in a kayak. This looks like a crime of opportunity to me and I’m guessing perhaps seals, or maybe just this seal, in particular, is a seal of color and has had enough.
2. This might be uncouth, but that seal would catch those hands. No bullshit, I’d have to jump INTO the water, find the seal and we’d have to fight. I can’t think of a single thing more disrespectful in life than being slapped with an octopus. I’ve seen niggas get slapped with money before. I saw somebody get slapped with a Big Joker to end a game of Spades. I once saw a man slap another man with a motherfucking Whopper from Burger King. All are supremely disrespectful and all ended up in (understandable) fisticuffs. None of that matches a motherfucking web-footed mammal using ANOTHER wildlife sea habitant to slap you in the face. We’re both mammals dammit, Broseph! The seal would catch those hands.
3. I’d probably lose to the seal but its the principle. OK, I’d definitely lose to the seal. Considering the location, we’d be fighting in the water and I’m not Aquaman so this fight already has a short time limit. This seal nigga don’ already slapped me with an octopus, so he’s kind of about that life, which means he’s probably looking for a fight to begin with. I don’t know what he’s dealing with in life or what, but wars have been started over less. Seal nigga is with the shits. So I’d lose, but nobody would say that I didn’t go for mines, is all I’m saying.
4. Back to not fucking with nature. You know who fucks with nature a lot? White people. You know who got slapped by an octopus? A white man in a kayak. This looks like a crime of opportunity to me and I’m guessing perhaps seals, or maybe just this seal, in particular, is a seal of color and has had enough.
Read the rest. No, really.
1 replies
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= new reply since forum marked as read
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Thank you. I missed this.
🌹 for you