My new cat dilemma

[mackerel]

(I originally posted this in the lounge. It was recommended to post here)


My daughter had to move and was not able to find a place that would take her cat. I told her if worse came to worse I would take her cat. I have three cats of my own and they are all 12 y.o. neutered males and my daughter’s cat is a 5 y.o. spayed female. My daughter asked that I keep her cat indoors and not mingle with my cats. I told her that was asking a lot but that for the first few weeks I would try.

My daughter’s cat does not like me. She has never liked me and I have never tried to bond with her. I have always been a cat person and if a cat doesn’t like me-a rarity-I know there is a reason and I stay clear of that creature.
My dilemma: This feline has been here 5 days and she is not happy. She mostly stays in my closet. She hisses anytime she thinks I’m within 5 feet of her. She was off her food the first few days but now she is eating and drinking water or at least her food and water bowls are empty in the morning, so I assume she is eating and hydrated. She used my spare bed as a litter box early yesterday morning and I spent most of the day cleaning everything up. (Nature’s miracle and the works.) She did use the actual litter box this morning.

She scares my son. My youngest daughter doesn’t want to have anything to do with her.
We just aren’t getting a good feeling from her at all. She really wants to go outside but I know my cats will not be very kind or friendly towards her. Last night she woke us up twice, clawing at two different window screens. I’m worried if I let her out she won’t come back and this will break my daughter’s heart.

Regardless of my feelings, I'm worried about this poor kitty because I know she is not happy here.


Any suggestions???????

[ginnyinWI]

1. My guess is that she's afraid of the other cats. And the entire situation!

She smells them on everyone and everything in the house. I'd work on introducing her slowly to them, and then the smell won't bother her. Actually you can merely introduce her to the smell of them by rubbing a towel on each cat, separately, and then putting it close to her. Then when she smells it on you she will not be so alarmed.

Best if you can have her meet and interact with the other cats. Introduce slowly. Your daughter isn't the one to have to deal with this, so really I think you need to treat this new cat as one of your own and make decisions accordingly. This would include rehoming her if it is the last resort.

I have been through this, too. Our son and his wife asked us to look after their two cats for a year, and it ended up becoming permanent. We've had both of them for eight years now and they are 13 and 11.

We had another cat at the time, and it took four months for them to make peace. They were all female and that's probably the worst situation. Your males will most likely not mind the female as much.

Keep her in a separate space but introduce the other cats' smells. Then leave the door open a crack so they can peek at each other. Eventually try her out with one of them at a time. Best for everyone if you can do this successfully! Don't bring them into her space, allow her to poke her nose out and come and find them. Cats are curious.

She needs to bond with you, too, and eventually she probably will. There are some cats who are one-person cats and it might take a month for them to transfer their bond to a new person. But if you feed her and talk to her, she will eventually come around. Takes patience, though. Is she a tabby? Seems like tabbies are often like this.

Good luck, and hang in there! Rome wasn't built in a day...

[mackerel]

2. Yes, she is a tabby. She's really pretty.

Space is limited here but she does have her own food and water dish and litter box.

My cats have become outdoor cats over the years. They don't like to be inside for more than a couple of hours, especially in the summer. So we've been keeping them outside. I feed them on the front porch and we have always kept their water bowls on the front porch. Good idea about the plastic table cloth.

My son knows it is not rational to have this fear of her and he knows she is scared. It's just in the middle of the night his fears take over.

I'm not in a position right now to find her another home or send her to a no-kill shelter. My daughter would be devastated. My daughter has had a very hard time becoming an adult and she has poor coping skills.

She has never liked me but I am the one who feeds her and cleans her litter box. She hisses and growls at me if I get within 5 feet of her. I think she does smell the other cats.

Should I try to get more items that have my daughters sent on them? Would it make her feel more comfortable?

[ginnyinWI]

7. yes, an article of clothing would be very helpful!

Get something your daughter has worn next to her skin. Might make the difference.

[zalinda]

3. Cats are territorial

and often hide for days while scouting out their new territory. The closet is her safe place, the fact that she is eating and drinking and using the litter box is a good sign. She is settling in, but on her own terms. As for your son and daughter, I would suggest that they keep their bedroom doors closed at night, and you too if you aren't already. Exploring her new space while she is totally alone will help ease her anxiety.

She will pick her human, she may need some encouragement with treats and play time. Try balling up a piece of paper and rolling it on the floor gently toward her. Ask your daughter if she has a favorite toy or treat. Always let the cat come up to you, never go up to the cat. At this stage she needs to be in control as much as possible.

As for the towels, I'd rub them on your other cats and then just place them on the floor in random places at night. Night time is when she will explore her territory. You can also leave items of your clothes that has your smell on them, on the floor at night too. You can pick up the items in the morning.

There is one more thing you can try, and that is warmed canned cat food. Warming the food brings out it's smell. Put a about a tablespoon of this warm stinky food on a plate, first thing in the morning, and either put it by the closet or her food dish. I've had cats that loved canned food and some that loved dry food, but they always seemed to love that little bit of warm food in the morning, even if they just licked it to death. The food needs to be warm to the touch, but not hot.

She'll get there, she might just like complaining and making sure you know she is angry about the situation.

Z

[japple]

4. Ditto what all of the others have said. Make sure she knows she has a safe

space. You might try one of the pheromone plug-in diffusers, like Feliway. They have helped many people.

[Citrus]

5. Time

Be patient. It's worth mentioning again (emphasizing) that the cat really is adjusting, but is doing so on her own terms. Leaving the towels with the other cats' scents on them is a good idea. You can also get some high-quality catnip and put it on a soft, comfy towel or blanket or her bed. 'Nip can sometimes ease anxiety. Even if only temporarily, it might help.

Nonhuman animals have the same feelings humans do. Fear and grief are powerful emotions and can cause anyone (human or nonhuman!) to behave very negatively. Anger, panic, depression, anxiety, and more are all signs of grief and fear. Abandonment is a powerful thing for most pets, and they struggle with it far, far more than most humans know. Time and patience will be rewarded, but you have to respect the cat's own journey through these huge life changes.

Meanwhile, please consider Ignatia. Ignatia is a homeopathic remedy that is a specific for grief and shock. Most health food stores carry it. Add a few pellets to her water, letting them dissolve. Giving it a stir when the pellets have dissolved will help. Fresh water = fresh Ignatia. After several days, start reducing the Ignatia to every other water refill, then every third refill, then once a week. Anytime she improves, stop the Ignatia. Re-administer the Ignatia if her symptoms return or worsen.

Is there a way you can post a picture or at least describe her?

[mackerel]

6. I will try Feliway and I will be patient.

I just don't want her using other parts of my limited house space as her litter box. I really don't have a lot of time or money to constantly clean up non-litter box areas.

[mackerel]

8. My daughter finally sent over some clothing items and my son

was able to get them into the back part of the closet and little Lulu seems to like having them there with her. She came out today when I put food in her dish and she let me pet her. She comes out if my son is around but if I show up she runs back in the closet. She seems to be slowly adjusting. It's been two weeks.

[Citrus]

9. Ugh

The not-using-the-litter-box thing makes it all doubly hard! In general, cats do it to show dominance or to show strong negative emotion (grief, anger, etc.). Make sure you use only unscented litter and that it's the type she can get a good "dig" in. Getting a good dig varies from cat to cat. Some like the smaller granules and others like large pellets. It may take some experimentation to see what works.

I once had to start sprinkling some sand in my cats' litter box. One of them decided that only the carpet would "doo". I gathered up some beach sand (I live in coastal Florida) and sprinkled about a cup or so of it across the top of the litter. And once, when I ran out of sand and couldn't get to the beach, I used dirt from the yard. A vet recommended this trick and it worked. After a few weeks, I just reduced the sand until there was about a spoonful and that cat never used the floor or carpet again. Potting soil works, too...anything that smells of outdoors.

It sounds like you're doing a lot of things right, so continue to be patient. I know that patience can be in short supply and is much easier said than done. (The Ignatia I mentioned earlier can help you, too, btw. Stress sucks.)

You can also try rubbing catnip on your hands when you pet her. And sometimes gentle music (easy listening or classical) or gentle voices (NPR) from a radio or TV can help. Keep it very, very low so that it's almost imperceptible to your ears. Put it nearby for a day or two and see if it helps. This is more effective with dogs, but I've seen it work with cats on occasion.

Lastly, see if you can find a stick for her. Cats often like to chew things and a small stick might help. A stick that's half-an-inch to one inch around and several inches long should be about right. You'll know the right one when you see it.

You may not love this kitty (yet), but you respect her, and that's more important than love. There is no genuine love without respect.

[mackerel]

10. She is using the litter box now. Yeah!!!!

She came out this morning and came up to my bed. I motioned for her to jump up on the bed and she let me pet her for a little bit and then I put food in her bowl. I think she is starting to adjust. You're right I do respect her. I want to adjust here and be as happy as is possible.

[Citrus]

11. YAY!

Great news.