Intersting, I seem to have adapted to the dorm very well. But I'm still very anxious...

[Locut0s]

I would have thought that the socializing and learning to live with 12 other guys would have been something of a stressor for me but I find myself quite happy here for the most part. I AM a little home sick but for the most part it feels quite comfortable here. I DID overdo the drinking last night with the guys, ended up throwing up and passing out in my room but that's not going to be a habit. I find just being away from my parents is something of a vacation. 31 years being around anyone all the time like that, especially when you have an enmesshed personality, isn't healthy.

What does worry me though is that my anxieties over school work have not gone away at all. I AM now immersed in the school environment which means I should be able to concentrate more but my old perfectionism and panic is still there. Whenever I get assigned something I don't understand right away I panic. My first reaction is to clam up and not think about the assignment or problem at hand. I procrastinate because looking at the material gets me panicky. I don't know why I've developed this habit as I know I'm more than capable of understanding the material and doing the work. Year after year I've managed some of the better grades in the classes I've managed to stay in, those that I didn't panic in that is. Of course clamming up and not looking at the material causing me the anxiety is just a recipe for disaster, one I can't afford to make. I'm seriously no sure how I can fix this issue and it has me quite worried about the work coming up.

To give you an idea of how my mind works here's an example. One of the projects we have been assigned is to create a web application for a company off campus. The company in question would like us to design the application using a bunch of tools that I have no experience with. As soon as I started looking into these tools I started to panic. I've never used any of them and have no experience programming with them. The thing is I'm no different in this respect from any of the others on my team, non of them have used these tools either and I am arguably a better programmer than several of the others. Yet they don't panic, I'm the one who does. My mind is immediately filled with thoughts of failing, embarrassment, fear, I get overwhelmed by what now seems like an insurmountable task. Yet if I could just calm down and approached it bit by bit the problem would probably fall before me. But I often can't see it this way emotionally.

I'm going to talk to the program head next week and ask about my options for reducing my course load a bit. If I can drop a couple of courses and take them part time later on it may help my stress levels and hopefully I can deal with things better. I talked to the old program head and he thought it should be quite doable. I suppose I don't like the thought that I can't handle a full course load either though, it makes me feel a bit of a failure, though I know that's not true.

[HereSince1628]

1. Glad to hear that the move to dorm life is going ok.

I have an opposite problem, some say from the same motivation: progress towards perfection.

I find faults. The life lesson that drives me is that nothing is perfect. I expect glitches, I notice them, I identify them. I've never been good about censoring myself to allow people to live with imperfections. THAT really pissed off people around me. So, now I don't have people around me.

Meaning to only help you, I'd say, it's very early days to be making a judgement...perhaps that's part of the lesson: learning that early feelings can only be tentative announcements of an emotional border crossing.

Uncertainty and anxiety/fear in response to novel problems are part of human nature. If you've got it, you're blessed. People without it kill/destroy themselves in Darwin award winning reckless acts.

What you feel is your mind telling you that the path along which you are asked to proceed is uncertain...you can feel it all the way down to your bones. That next step should be done carefully.

And that is only natural.

Wouldn't you, shouldn't you, expect to pause to workout in your mind the possibilities and to anticipate up and downside consequences before proceeding? Everyone does this. Great problem solving minds probably do it more.

It's actually more than just ok to feel this way. It's the seed of success.

Procrastination is about overdoing off-task behaviors that don't contribute to working out the problem. Procrastination is about avoidance, mostly it seems an avoidance of a feeling that is telling you to be careful...an urge that when disciplined can actually help you to do very well.

If you are committed to mastering problem-solving, you must accept being presented with challenges that regularly require you to consider penetrating the unfamiliar.

The border between the familiar and the unfamiliar elicits fear of the unknown and anxiety. Every time weu reach that border we feel some fear and some anxiety. It's the emotional point of departure.

Some feel it strongly, some not.

However you personally feel it, you must acknowledge it, and then consider the choices available to you about how to move on.

[mopinko]

2. i second here since's advice

try to hang in there till closer to the drop deadline. you don't know how things are gonna go in this new environment. give it a chance.
and of course you don't get the assignment before you do them. what would be the point of that?

if you are having crippling anxiety, that is not right. maybe you should ask your doc about something for the anxiety. if you are already taking something that should help that, maybe you should try something else.

hang in there. we are here for you.

[annm4peace]

3. try mindfulness.. hatha yoga to help call the anxiety

also try these CD's they helped with my anxiety (I don't have an ipod or mp3 player).

see if there is a dbt therapy..

the libraries might have these CD's.


http://www.amazon.com/Help-Panic-Attacks-Belleruth-Naparstek/dp/1881405931/ref=pd_sim_b_4

http://www.amazon.com/Meditations-Relieve-Stress-Belleruth-Naparstek/dp/1881405621/ref=pd_sim_b_6


I know if i would have had therapy or listened to these CD's when I was in college I would have had an easier time and probably knew what I wanted to do and be.

Don't forget to breathe