Now comes the difficult part...

[Locut0s]

I've made some big strides this past month. On new medication that may be helping, seriously losing weight, getting out more and exercising, have projects and hobbies, passed my drivers test, going camping, and doing more socializing. But these are the low hanging fruit so to speak. I've climbed the foothills, or I'm almost done climbing them, now comes the peak itself.

If I'm going to build a real life for myself and solve the CORE issues so that I don't have a relapse as soon as something big hits I'm going to need to face some of my real demons. Going back to school in September I need to throw my all into it. I need to do more than casually socialize with the friends there, at the risk of getting hurt which is always my worry. I need to start to socialize with women, as awkward as it is now. I need to get out of the house at every opportunity. I need to go out WITH people not just by myself, even if it terrifies me. I need to do all these things and more. I know, one step at a time, but I'm very reticent to do these things, it's far more enticing to just pay attention to said low hanging fruit, but I can't afford to do that.

But do I have the emotional strength to do this? I can't honestly say at this point. I certainly hope that I do but it would be a massive lie to say that I feel it in my gut. I do of course draw support and comfort form this forum and others, and I thank every one of you who has helped me and will do so in the future! But I'm going to need a lot of internal motivation to do this, not just well wishes and kind words.

Here's hopping I don't just decided to pop back in my rabbit hole.

[Tobin S.]

1. Take it easy, Locut0s

One day at a time, one step at a time. Personal evolution and development is a life-long endeavor. You are off to a good start and I think you are right in that you have some demons to confront, but it doesn't have to be done all at once.

One area where I think I am qualified on giving advice is in the getting to know women department. I used to be a lot like you in that regard. I had only been with two women in an intimate way before I was 37 and I'd never had a serious girlfriend or been married. When I was around 35 I started to put myself out there on a dating web site. It was one of those free deals www.okcupid.com I dated 7 women from there in the two years before I finally found one that wanted to keep me. It was a wild ride, but I'm happily married now.

If you are shy around women, a dating site is a good option. You can write to women on there and sort of get to know them before you ever meet in person. It makes meeting them in person much easier because you have an experience in common and it takes the pressure off of approaching a woman you know absolutely nothing about.

If you decide to give a dating site a try, send me a PM and I'll give you the straight dope on how to operate on there.

[Locut0s]

2. Thank you Tobin :D...

I will indeed take you up on the offer when and if I do start dating online. Actually I should say when because I most certainly do plan on it once I have some of my other ducks in a row, not everything of course just some major ones. As you say one step at a time. Breath deeply