Wine, candy, chips, and cigarettes

[XanaDUer2]

71-yr-old man. The giant bottle of wine will be gone by tomorrow. No matter what I say, he doesn't care. Hes on a pain patch, too. As the ACoA, this is horrible. I am codependent and cannot take a step back. Its like watching slo mo suicide. I depend on his money to live.

Pray I can just shut up and step back.

ETA as a kid, Id pour out my moms vodka and fill it up with water. I just dumped some wine down the sink and poured in water. Its ridiculous, but I feel I'm doing something. Can't do anything about the other problems, though

[IbogaProject]

1. Take care

I really hate how normalized Alcohol abuse is in our society.

[XanaDUer2]

2. He says it helps with pain

He's not well. He does all sorts of stupid things, including abusing opioids when he had a Rx. He has a history of drug abuse, and doesn't seem to get he's old now. He also has barrett esophagus. I said a normal person would make a huge bottle of wine last several days. The empty bottle will be in the garbage tomorrow. He's an arrogant asshole, frankly.

[Eko]

3. My Dad did something like that.

Had a girlfriend who depended on him and just kind of stopped trying. He had his reasons and I can kind of understand them. It left her in a bad position though. If you are without family or friends that can help I would recommend start contacting social services now. Reach out to any support group you can find. Even if you have some family or friends that can help some I would reach out. At the very least if you can get away from depending on his money to live you can start to make decisions that can help you. Feel free to contact me if you would like. I wish I had all the answers for you but I don't but I'm here.
Eko.

[XanaDUer2]

4. Thank you Eko

I get a decent amount of SSDI. I'm applying for a small pension early at 60 yrs and one month. I'm on his pension. If we get married I get it for life. I'm hoping we can get an affordable condo. Sadly, I have TMJ, and I need 32k of restorative dental work. That's giving me acid reflux, depression, etc.

Ty I may reach out. I just get so angry he's not concerned with his health. Ty for your kindness.

[Eko]

5. Feel free to reach out.

Its prob ok to talk to him about your concerns with his health and your future as long as you dont get angry. People in pain sometimes live fuzzy lives and dont see the world very clearly.

[Not Heidi]

6. Hey

[XanaDUer2]

7. Hello

Thanks. There's still wine left. He says he needs it for sleep, but some is left. I,again, voiced a concern. Smoking a bit. No chips today and ate meals on wheels' meal. I'm trying to relax watching Zodiac

[Ziggysmom]

8. Hi Dear, I feel for you. My hub is 74, on oxygen 24/7, can't walk over 50 feet without

a wheelchair. Seizures 2 years ago left him with mild cognitive impairments. Yet he is fighting with me all weekend about wanting to drive! His son agrees with me that he would not be safe and could kill someone.
Some people are SO stubborn they would rather harm themselves than change or listen to reason.

Take care of YOU!

[XanaDUer2]

9. I'm sorry

His cat just scratched him and he won't irrigate it and apply neosporin. He just yelled at me to leave him alone

[Ziggysmom]

10. Sounds familiar! My hub is stubborn as a mule.

We ladies are just too nice and kind. That's why we suffer from anxiety and they don't. We care too much.

[XanaDUer2]

11. How is your husband doing?

Nt

[Ziggysmom]

12. Not too well. He has another infection in his lungs. The COPD is terrible. Whenever he gets

an infection he develops dementia symptoms, too. Very scary. He gets combative, but has never hit me. If he ever does that, I'm calling 911 and getting him admitted on a psych hold. Hope he doesn't deteriorate more mentally; I can handle the physical illness, but no way can I care for him 24/7 and work, if he is not with it mentally. He is normally the most loving guy, but when he's got an infection or his oxygen saturation drops, he is like a different person.

I know I promised for better or worse, but...... much worse may not be tolerable or healthy.

Take care, Dear. Hope you find relief for your TMJ soon.

[XanaDUer2]

13. I'm so sorry

Dear god, how stressful.and you work full-time? Do you have help. No, no hitting. Hoping for peace for you and your husband. I'm here if you need to talk

[debm55]

14. XanaDUer2. don't dump the alcohol out. I did that to my husband's whiskey. He got furious. we had only been married a

year. I told him I would leave. They know when it has been half emptied and filled with water. I took him 2x to a rehab center . Second time worked . He has been sober since 1979 Wish you both luck.

[XanaDUer2]

15. Thanks Deb

He just ate a salad and hadn't had wine for a week