i'm having to choke down my anxiety and be the calm one

[fizzgig]

we have a huge fire raging just west of town. fires are a normal part of our ecosystem, but i have never seen one so big, so fast moving. i've never heard the emergency personnel say there's no hope for containment.

my sister's anxiety is ramped up all day, understandably so as they are much closer than we are here in town. my husband is freaked out and talking about getting ready to evacuate, but this is his first fire summer.

so i'm having to be the calm one, the one keeping them grounded. meanwhile, i'm screaming inside. it looked like the end of the world out there today, a guaranteed trigger for me.

i'm not worried about it reaching us, honestly, but it is still terrifying and i have to be the strong one. i want to rage, to scream at the universe while simultaneously doing my version of praying.

the worst part, as with all my triggers, is that i can do a goddamn thing about it but put out the good energy and keep an eye out. i am helpless and i hate that feeling worse than anything.

[PoliticAverse]

1. Best wishes to you. n/t

[fizzgig]

2. thank you

[mopinko]

3. i'm pretty sure a raging fire looking like the end of the world is a trigger

for anyone still conscious. you are doing fine.
take care of yourself first, even if you have to lock yourself in the bathroom and scream.
you can do this.

[fizzgig]

4. thanks, mo

feeling a bit better this morning, the wind has shifted so it doesn't look as terrifying as it did last night. something spooky, though, about seeing light coming from behind the foothills and knowing that it's coming from the fire. thing doubled in size last night and still moving fast.

i'm already primed for some severe anxiety, i'm not surprised this has just ramped it up.

the sunset and moonrise last night would have been amazing but for why they looked the way they did.