How to help a cousin/friend with bi-polar disorder/manic depression

[AnnieK401]

Very worried about my cousin. She has been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder/manic depression. She is on medication that has serious side effects so she keeps trying to take as little as possible. This lets her disease take over and then she believes the therapists don't know what they are talking about. She also starts to believe that everyone but herself is crazy. She has tried suicide (I believe more than once) while off her medications and has landed in a psychiatric hospital several times because of this. I know people make light of being "off your meds" but this is no joke. She is in her mid-forties and always lived at home. She has had a hard time dealing with her father for years, and has finally decided she needs to move out - but she is not really in a position to do so. Her parents are in their late 70's/early 80's. I had lunch with her today and am very worried that she might be headed for another trip to the hospital. Any advice on how to her, if I can?

[Lionessa]

1. Perhaps focusing on the facts of her life

wherein it sounds like it legitimately sucks from her POV, instead of trying to suggest that her only problem is a mental disorder. Geez, if I was in her position from what little you've typed, I'd be mentally unstable as well, but focusing on the issues that are the catalysts to its exposure would be the thing that might help me.

Seems the minute someone is diagnosed, rightly or wrongly, with a mental disorder, the sucky facts of their lives are supposed to suddenly no longer count in the equation, it's either she's taking her meds or she's not. It's never that simple. And in this case sounds more like legitimate situational stress beyond what she can handle, not a m/d flair up.

[Tobin S.]

2. I agree mostly with what you've said

The person in question probably does need medication, but there is also the situational aspect that she's dealing with right now that might actually be the source of her current distress.

What I'm about to say does not play well with a lot of people, but I think that in most cases of mental illness there is a family factor. The person described in the OP may well be living with those who have broken her in the first place. If that is the case, it might be impossible for her to be healthy and happy there no matter how well the meds are working.

[Lionessa]

3. Yep, we are totally on the same page.

As you say, though, not currently a popular pov.

[AnnieK401]

5. Good point

Maybe her only hope is to move out. That will be difficult for her though.

[Lionessa]

6. Offer her a room or a couch or help pay for a temporary place for a week.

That would likely be the most appreciated, best solution based on what little you've shared.

[AnnieK401]

7. Thanks for the suggestion - unfortunately not really in a position to offer much help

Unfortunately, I am not doing all that well myself. I won't go into details but I am in a really vulnerable position myself right now and I am lucky to have a roof over my own head. I will do what I can to help her though. Thanks to everyone for their suggestions and thoughts. I know I haven't gone into a lot of detail. It is not a good situation all around. There is also a history of resentment between our two families. I think the best I can do is try to help her get out of her living situation, if I can. I have to be careful what I say around her.

[EFerrari]

10. I know you don't mean to say that people have bi-polar because

someone in their family broke them.

[AnnieK401]

4. Sounds like what I have done so far.

I do not mention the bi-polar unless she brings it up and then just try and listen. That is what I did yesterday. She has said basically the same things you have said about being diagnosed with a mental disorder.

[raps]

8. helping someone with bipolar

I'm attempting this right now and it's not going well. The meds can make a huge difference. The person I'm helping says they have accepted the bipolar diagnosis after a month in a hospital but isn't taking it seriously and has completely refused to learn anything about it despite asking me to buy them a book on it which has sat unopened in their closet. They use bipolar as an excuse when they want to but it's never the reason for anything. It's like dealing with a child who can never make up their mind and deals in irrational rationality. Everyone is expected to bend over backwards to accommodate them and what they want to do. The recent med change sent them into what seems to be a neverending hypomanic episode. They requested the med change after doubling it one day to fight off some bad feelings. pdoc complied and they went off like a rocket. It's funny. Most don't want the meds because it brings them back down to normal. The person I'm trying to help loves this particular med cause it brings them up to that manic place that most people with bipolar love. To make it worse, the family member they are living with now is also bipolar(never diagnosed but it's blatantly obvious)and they are feeding off eachother and it's pretty frustrating just being near that house or trying to talk to them in any rational way.

Basically, they will not get help until they want it. Your rationality is not theirs and they will never accept anything but their own. This is why everyone else is crazy, not them. They believe in their own mind no matter what.

[Tobin S.]

9. This part:

"Basically, they will not get help until they want it. Your rationality is not theirs and they will never accept anything but their own. This is why everyone else is crazy, not them. They believe in their own mind no matter what."

is not true for everyone with bipolar disorder. What you are experiencing with your friend is called "lack of insight" and it affects about 30% of people who have any mental illness. Simply put, they don't know that they are sick when they are experiencing some of their symptoms. Hypomania is very deceptive because it makes you think that you are well. But hypomania usually is not dangerous. What's dangerous is what comes after it. For a bipolar person hypomania is a temporary state as they slide along the spectrum from clinically depressed to full blown mania- for bipolar 1 people anyway which is what I have.

[AnnieK401]

15. Thank You!

This really helps!

[AnnieK401]

14. Thank You!

This really helps

[EFerrari]

11. You know, Annie, your cousin is lucky to have you on her side.

A lot of people in her position don't have anyone.

My .02, if she has just been diagnosed and she isn't stable on medication yet, this probably isn't the moment to make such a big change as moving out of her family home -- even if down the road, that might be a good idea. Sounds like she is still reacting to what just happened.

Does she have a therapist?

[AnnieK401]

12. Thanks!

No she has quit several therapists

[EFerrari]

16. That's not unusual, unfortunately.

Hopefully when her meds kick in, she gets her insight back.