some quotes of the day-erma bombeck (and we can use a few laughs)

[niyad]

Erma Bombeck Quotes


When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.
Erma Bombeck

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
Erma Bombeck

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
Erma Bombeck

When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
Erma Bombeck

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
Erma Bombeck

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
Erma Bombeck

Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, "A house guest," you're wrong because I have just described my kids.
Erma Bombeck

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
Erma Bombeck

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.
Erma Bombeck

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
Erma Bombeck

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
Erma Bombeck

Never have more children than you have car windows.
Erma Bombeck

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
Erma Bombeck

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
Erma Bombeck

If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
Erma Bombeck

For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.
Erma Bombeck

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
Erma Bombeck

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
Erma Bombeck

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
Erma Bombeck

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
Erma Bombeck

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
Erma Bombeck

People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.
Erma Bombeck

Children make your life important.
Erma Bombeck

When humor goes, there goes civilization.
Erma Bombeck

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
Erma Bombeck


Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/e/erma_bombeck.html#2BuUjyDDukYHjiBG.99

[AndyA]

1. I loved Erma Bombeck

One column that always stuck with me over the years was the one where she discussed those Christmas letters people send out. She said she had sent out one for the first time. In it, she discussed the mundane family events throughout the year, including the summer camping vacation.

She said the food was horrible, the location was a dump, the mosquitoes were horrible, it was hot, they argued with each other the whole time, and they couldn't imagine why anyone would enjoy such a thing. Then she closed with, "next year, we may hook the camper up to the car, pull it out of the yard and go somewhere instead."

[niyad]

2. I remember that one--I used to have her books, they always made me smile.

[shraby]

3. She was a national treasure.

[niyad]

4. she was indeed. one of the things for which I admired her was her refusal

to use her fame to "jump the line" for a kidney transplant. I always wondered if she might have lived had she gotten one earlier.

. . . In high spirits until the end of her life, Bombeck had endured breast cancer and a mastectomy in 1992 and then kidney disease, which required dialysis four times a day at her home. She said about 30 faithful readers had offered to donate a kidney, but none was a match. She refused to use her celebrity to move higher on the list of people waiting for a kidney transplant.

. . . .
http://articles.latimes.com/1996-04-23/news/mn-61747_1_erma-bombeck

[louis-t]

5. In middle school, we read a Detroit newspaper every day.

Civics class or something, the teacher pronounced her name "Erma Boombeck". Jeez, that was over 40 years ago.