A dilemma

[Aerows]

I love my family. I will go out of my way to help them. They employ a registered sex offender that on CHRISTMAS DAY came to my home, grabbed my breast and rubbed his erection all over me. I'm not going to sugar coat what he did. That is exactly why he did.

I was so damn stunned, I didn't know what to say about it for days. This was in MY HOME.

Well, the computer died. Who did my family turn to when the family business had a problem with it? Me, of course, and without question I rebuilt a brand new box for them.

I do NOT want to go anywhere near the shop. I do not want to go anywhere near this dude. I refuse. Personally, I think I have done enough by building a new box for the shop, and even if my contact with the idiot is minimal, I don't think it is a situation I need to be in.

Thoughts? Ways to make the situation better? Am I out of line?

[WillParkinson]

1. Not one bit...

You need to protect yourself at all costs. You also need to tell your family what happened. If it happened to you it could easily happen to another person. This man should be put back where he cannot harm anyone.

[Aerows]

2. They know what happened

At it pisses me off to the extreme that they refused to do anything about it. He's still employed there.

[Evergreen Emerald]

3. Call the police. You are not the first nor the last.

I am sorry you are going thru this.

[Aerows]

4. It's too late for that

I was so shocked that I didn't know how to respond. I'm a lesbian, and this man knows it. It took me several days to even process it, because it was so out of nowhere and so odd that I was stunned.

[WillParkinson]

5. It's not too late for that...

At the very least speak with someone about it. Talk to a lawyer, perhaps. They should be able to tell you how to proceed.

[Aerows]

7. So I sue a person that doesn't have anything?

That's what I'm confronting.

[WillParkinson]

18. I'm not talking about suing anyone....

I'm talking about making sure your rights and your well being are protected, as well as any of his other future victims. Never doubt that he will do it to someone else and they might not be as strong as you. I realize family is important, but keep an eye on Aerows life and worry about the rest later.

[Evergreen Emerald]

6. Was it a number of years ago?

Unless it was a number of years ago, it is not too late. He is dangerous.

[Aerows]

8. 2 years ago.

I'm trying to figure out how I can install the new computer I built without encountering this person.

[Vanje]

10. Tell your family, in NO uncertain terms..

that you will NOT tolerate being in the presence of this man.

How they feel about him is their problem.
It should not be your problem.

[Aerows]

11. Thanks for that, Vanje

You put it in perspective for me - it's not my problem, it's theirs.

If the computer fails to even boot when it gets to the office, despite the energy that I put into it, I am not going there when he's there, period.

That's what I needed to hear.

[Vanje]

13. Line in the sand. nt

[Aerows]

9. I feel so powerless

I'm pretty strong, but I just do not want to deal with this person.

[Vanje]

12. Use your power to refuse to deal with the abuser.

You gots power!

[The Philosopher]

14. Tell your family and refuse to be around him.

If they can't accept that, don't let that sway you. It's your right to go where you please and it's your right to NOT go where you please. You have a valid reason for not entering that space. If they try to persuade you or sweep what happened under the rug, straight up tell them: "That's what you think of me."

If I were in your place, I would even charge them for the computer if they tried to ignore what I said. Family does come first, but it's not an automatic action. If they ignore what you went through, then they're attacking the relationship between you two. That's the way I see it. And if the relationship disappears, then who are they to you? A customer and that's it. So treat them like one.

It's shit what happened to you and you and no one else deserve to be violated in such a way. Your family should agree and damn them if they don't.

Anyway, stay strong and remember: YOU get to make the decisions. If anyone else tries, they're in the wrong and you cut them off quickly and let them know what's what!

And if there are legal actions that can be taken, any at all, seek them out. A person like this is never a danger just to one person.

[Fearless]

17. +1000!

[daleanime]

15. You listen to me, Aerows...

You are smart,
You are strong,
No way in Hell
are you wrong.

Be as loud
and Proud,
as you need to.





Didn't mean to be a bad mini-poem, mean to say "give'em hell, those who love you will understand."

[Fearless]

16. You are completely in line!

You need to put yourself first. Period. No one has the right to violate you like he did. If your family does not listen to you when you voice your concerns, you need to keep yourself from the situation by any means you need to. Frankly, if you never step foot in the store again, you should not feel guilty about not helping your family.

[Jamastiene]

19. You could tell a family member to come get the box.

You are well within your rights to not want to be around someone who would do that to you. You should NOT have to be around that person after they did that to you.

Maybe you could tell a family member to come get the computer. You could tell them you would rather they come get it and if they ask why, tell them flat out why, then tell them to come get the machine if they want it and leave it at that.

Whatever you do, do NOT let anyone make you feel you are "out of line" because you do not want to be groped that way. You have every right to protect yourself from further harm. If you don't listen to anything else in this post, please listen to this last part: You have every right to protect yourself and avoid contact with the person who groped you.

[xchrom]

20. your family really needs to get behind you.

do they understand what he did to you?

i agree with jamastein -- have a family member come and get the doo-hickie -- and ask that person if they understand the nature of the assault you had to suffer through -- and is it being communicated to the family?