so, which beloved homophobes have you preemptively banned from your funeral?

[nofurylike]

your mother, your father? your repuke brother or sister?

the homophobic minster your homophobic mother feels is the one who will best comfort her in her anguish?

have you made a living will firmly stating that?

ought you be judged by what your homophobic survivors do at your funeral?

do you take your own homophobes to the very most condemning line over every issue? do you condemn them for their ignorance? bannish them from your life? do you see them as david dukes? do you treat, confront, excoriate them as you rightfully would david dukes? if not, why not? maybe because there are reasons, human reasons for their misunderstandings, ones you hope that patience and your example might help them HEAL from?

it is not the same to be misinformed - by extremely cunning emotion-milking propagandists - as it is to be self-supremacist.

[DURHAM D]

1. I assume you are talking about Whitney Houston.

No one, and I mean no one, in this forum has anything but love and respect for Whitney.

I have not but someone will Alert on your post and it will likely be taken down. It would be helpful if you remove it instead.


Thanks.

[nofurylike]

2. i am a member of this group, my question is a serious question.

so, why would it be taken down?

[ruggerson]

3. Who ever judged Houston for the presence of McClurkin and Jakes at her funeral?

Someone said in another thread that they didn't know what kind of religious environment Houston had grown up in. It was pointed out to them that the presence of two notorious homophobes, invited to eulogize her, might give us a clue as to the kind of religious environment she was exposed to a a child.

I have no position on whether Whitney Houston was straight, gay or bisexual. Either way, I feel badly for her, as I do for any child, who is exposed to this toxic bullshit every week, coming from those whoo are supposed to be a barometer of morality.

Do you think it's appropriate to defend Donnie McClurkin and Jakes?

[nofurylike]

10. people have been defending her being outed. and

others have used those conflicts as a chance to slam mcclurkin.

i am glad that you are not exploiting her death in that way, yourself, ruggerson.

the point is, there is no quality of character difference between our homophobic loved ones and others who do not understand where their conditioned responses come from. we can teach them, we can tolerate them, or we can walk away. chastising them on a forum only dimishes us. what i have felt sad to see, so very often, is how fiercely judgmental the self-designated purist lgbtqis become on here. no one is pure, and no one has that much moral superiority.

and no one has a right to out someone else. - no more so than people on this board would criticize each other for choosing not to come out. i have not seen people on here rip each other for that, so why are some supported in advocating the outing of other people?

thank you, again, ruggerson.

*edit out extra word

[ruggerson]

4. Additionally

If what you are saying is that is right to confront and excoriate racists in your life, but not the homophobes (because they have "human reasons" for their "misunderstanings,&quot I couldn't disagree with you more.

If I've misunderstood what you have written, my apologies and please elaborate.

[nofurylike]

9. i confront both. but i also understand those who choose to patiently help

their homophobic loved ones understand, versus condemning them.

i appreciate your reply, thank you, ruggerson.

[dsc]

5. I intend to have a memorial service and not a funeral

but that said. I would be nothing short of appalled if I had McClurkin singing at my funeral. I would come back and haunt my relatives if they did such a thing. But it was Whitney's funeral and who knows to what extent she had anything to do with its planning. the fact he had such a huge role in her funeral would lead one to believe he had a substantive role in her life which can't have been helpful to her regardless of her orientation. McClurkin is no different at all from a racist.

[nofurylike]

11. me too, on the memorial thing, dsc.

and Ms. Houston may well BE haunting them for that!

but the thing is, funerals are for the survivors. and what people do in grief ought to be private. pretty much whatever gets them through, is their business.

taking exception to media salaciously exploiting a death is definitely called for.

homophobia in a homosexual is pathological. that is mcclurkin. it is self-inflicted, but originally externally-inflicted, self-hatred. that is different from hating others out of a superiority complex, despite that it does feed others' hatred.

i appreciate your reply, thank you, dsc.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

6. lisa & I have banned her cousin from her home and our wedding

if one of us were to die, the other would ban her from our funeral too

if you are talking whitney, i suppose i dont care if mcclurkin was at her funeral.

[nofurylike]

12. i can completely appreciate someone doing that! there are many i would

not allow at mine, if i had any say. but i have requested no funeral, just as i do not participate in holidays with the homophobes in my extended family.

but i can not know what they might do once i am gone. and i will not bother about it at that point, except maybe to haunt them, as ruggerson suggested.

to many, their funeral is not their own concern, but the province of their survivors.

like you, i do not care. mcclurkin being at Ms. Houston's funeral is not my business.

whatever gets a mother through ....

thank you, La Lioness Priyanka.

[DCKit]

7. Just family. I'm anonymous. nt

[nofurylike]

15. do i understand correctly? your family is who you have banned?

please correct me if i misunderstood, DCKit.

thank you.

[HillWilliam]

8. If we're talking about Whitney

dogsakes, let the woman rest.

People generally attend a funeral more to support the living than to make a statement about the dead.

As for me, I have ordered and have it in my will there is to be no funeral, no memorial, no nothin'. My spirit will have fled and carrying on won't do me or the living any good. IMHO, southern funerals are rather gruesome affairs and I refuse to be the centerpiece at one. The instant I'm discovered dead, my instructions are to whisk the husk away and burn it to a cinder as quietly and inexpensively as possible.

[nofurylike]

16. i agree. i wish people had.

and i'm with you on the husk disposition, HillWilliam.

though i do want my dear ones to have a party, on me, to laugh for me!

[HillWilliam]

21. Well, I do agree with that

Party on! I forbid grieving. My objection to funerals -- especially southern funerals -- is the gruesome and tacky display of over-the-top grief. My snapping point came at my granddad's viewing when the 100th or so person stopped by the casket and said "waaaale, don't 'e look goooood". What a horrible thing to say. My best buddy, my father-figure was gone and the husk didn't look good at all.

I couldn't take it. I had to be excused from the line to grieve privately. That was long ago and as many funerals and memorials I've attended since, none has changed my view that grief is private. It needs to work itself out in its own way. It's not the one-time display that works it out -- it's the love and support after, quietly and respectfully offered.

On top of that was his memorial. Wow, what a turnout for a simple, humble man I thought nobody paid attention to -- or certainly not enough attention. He would have had a fit at having a church service with an SRO crowd, being prayed over. I half expected him to climb up out the casket in embarrassment.

Ol' Luke got his revenge. On life he always said he'd be late to his own funeral. On the way to the cemetery, the hearse took a wrong turn. We went on and waited. Granddad was the last to arrive. Everyone laughed and said he finally got his way.

That's the part I'd like people to do for me -- to laugh and be warmed by memories. My love will never depart even when my spirit will have fled. That to me is what showy funerals lose sight of.

[nofurylike]

26. great post, HillWilliam! i would quote it ALL back ....

i LOVE this:

Ol' Luke got his revenge. On life he always said he'd be late to his own funeral. On the way to the cemetery, the hearse took a wrong turn. We went on and waited. Granddad was the last to arrive. Everyone laughed and said he finally got his way.

That's the part I'd like people to do for me -- to laugh and be warmed by memories. My love will never depart even when my spirit will have fled. That to me is what showy funerals lose sight of.

everything you said is wonderful! and wise. and very moving

" ... grief is private. It needs to work itself out in its own way. It's not the one-time display that works it out -- it's the love and support after, quietly and respectfully offered. "

beautifully expressed, HillWilliam. thank you so very much.

[Neoma]

13. All my extended relatives.

[nofurylike]

17. just curious, have you made that clear to those who will decide?

my extended family is so far gone they wouldn't want to attend, had i not already requested no funeral.

thank you for replying, Neoma.

[Neoma]

19. Yeah, to my husband.

[nofurylike]

20. wise.

thank you, again, Neoma.

[Fearless]

14. Meh I don't care enough...

I'll be dead. They can do whatever they want.

[nofurylike]

18. makes sense.

that really is the point, really, that funerals are by and for the survivors.

whatever gets them through that anguish, i say.

thank you for replying, Fearless.

[closeupready]

22. Knowing that one of my best friend's family spoke of "the wages of sin is death" at his funeral

after his having endured a painful death from some sort of complication of HIV, I would ban any such person from my funeral, since those who loved the real me would hopefully be attending, and should not have to be subjected to such abuse at a time when they may be emotionally hurt.

[nofurylike]

24. very well said, closeupready.

it is heartbreaking that your dear friend was so deeply misunderstood by his family that they would do that. i am sorry you had to endure that.

i hope you will make your wishes known to any who might make such choices about your funeral. yes, as you said, for the sake of those who truly love the real you.

i very much appreciate your reply, closeupready.

[joeybee12]

23. So, did she even think about her funeral...she was only 48...

Did it even enter her mind? I haven't planned my funeral yet.

[nofurylike]

25. good point, joeybee12.

it does seem young for that.
but it is a kind of nudge to any who want any say in such things. make your wishes known. and maybe find out what your loved ones' wishes and needs will be.

thank you for replying, joeybee12.