If you're not LGBT, you just don't know what this feels like

[theHandpuppet]

I'm sorry, but you just don't.

http://espn.go.com/nfl/draft2014/story/_/id/10439397/father-michael-sam-struggling-news-son-gay
Michael Sam Sr. troubled by news
Updated: February 11, 2014

Michael Sam Sr. told The New York Times that he received the news last Tuesday when his son wrote in a text: "Dad, I'm gay."

Sam's father took the news hard. He said he was eating at a Denny's restaurant but had to leave after receiving the text.

"I couldn't eat no more, so I went to Applebee's to have drinks," Sam Sr. told the newspaper. "I don't want my grandkids raised in that kind of environment." ...

(Michael Jr. says)
"I endured so much in my past: seeing my older brother killed from a gunshot wound, not knowing that my oldest sister died when she was a baby and I never got the chance to meet her," he said. "My second-oldest brother went missing in 1998, and me and my little sister were the last ones to see him ... my other two brothers have been in and out of jail since eighth grade, currently both in jail."

Michael is a bright, articulate, talented and brave young man. How his father could say these things breaks my heart.

[cinnabonbon]

1. "that kind of environment" ...?

I hope he's not implying what I think he's implying.

What a jerk of a father.

[libdem4life]

2. Doesn't seem like Dad did a bang up job in his life with the other kids...I pray that someday he

will be able to take some of the credit for having one outstanding child. That is so very sad.

[theHandpuppet]

10. Yeah, I was thinking the same thing...

... which is why I posted those particular portions of the article. I guess to Michael's dad, anything at all beats being gay.

[giftedgirl77]

3. I'm going to have to disagree to a point...

I'm half Puerto Rican & my father (who is not biologically my father, he's white but is the only one I know) found out I was pregnant by a black man had nearly the exact same reaction. I was told that my child would be marked for life because he was mixed & would never be accepted by anyone. I was told that I should get an abortion to spare him & wasn't spoken to for almost a year.

My dad is a raging racist & still to this day doesn't know when to shut the fuck up. He has accepted my children & doesn't treat them any different than all the other grandkids but I repeatedly have to tell him to cut out the shitty things he says.

While it may not be exactly the same there are some correlations.

[William769]

6. At what point would you disagree? I could not tell from what you wrote.

[giftedgirl77]

8. With the statement that only an LGBT person

could understand a reaction like that from a parent.

[William769]

9. Thanks for the clarification.

[giftedgirl77]

11. No problem, sorry it wasn't clear.

[LostOne4Ever]

13. Im going to agree with you

My stepfather would have no issues if I came out as a homosexual (actually im asexual), but I tried to hint that I was an atheist to him and he threatened to kick me out of the house if I were an atheist.

There are many other groups who know how this feels...

But it does sound from what I read that there is hope for the father overcoming his prejudice and accepting his son. I remain hopeful Sam Sr. comes around.

[theHandpuppet]

14. Sorry, but I disagree

I come from a very conservative family and some of the members of my family are not only teabaggers but fundamentalists. I know what it feels like to be rejected for what you believe but it's another thing to be rejected for who you are.

[LostOne4Ever]

19. Isn't what you believe

A part of who you are? Especially when it comes to something that our society takes as seriously as religion?

[theHandpuppet]

21. Were born a democrat or republican? Baptist or atheist?

If you propose that being gay is the same as being a libertarian, for example, that logic is used in the argument that being gay is a "lifestyle" choice. I hate that term but it's one used by the anti-LGBT crowd to dismiss the fact that gays are not born, but made.
A more apropos comparison was made by giftedgirl with regard to race.

[LostOne4Ever]

23. I get what you are trying to say

But, I think you believe that there is some sort of "choice" with believing or not believing. While there is a choice in which domination a Christian finds most comfortable, or what party one belongs to, we do not have a choice in what we believe or disbelieve.

Think of some fictional character you do NOT believe in. Lets say, Centaurs from greek mythology.

Can you force yourself to believe in Centaurs? You can act like you believe but no matter how much you pretend otherwise it is not possible to FORCE yourself to believe. Could you choice not to be a liberal if you wanted?

Similarly if you really and truly believe there is a god you can't just decide not to believe. Neither Belief or sexual orientation are choices. Many people WANT to believe but just can't.

If I had a choice of what to believe I certainly would not chose to be the most disliked religious minority in the country. I would not chose to be something that would cause my step father to threaten to kick me out of the house over. If it was a choice I would have chosen to be a pagan or polytheist due to my love of greek mythology. There was never a choice for me.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belief
http://atheism.about.com/od/atheismquestions/a/beliefchoice.htm

While there is a nuance in that belief can be affected by environmental factors and race/orientation can not, that does not make any of them choices. One does not choice one's orientation, race, or what one believes in. You are whatever orientation you happen to be. You are whatever race you happen to be born as. You either hold a claim to be true or you don't.

And not to sound rude, but we are all born lacking belief in any particular god(s). This belief must be taught. So, TECHNICALLY we are born (implicit) atheists. Of course by atheist the definition I am using is the lack of belief in any particular god or gods. I need to define this as the very meaning of the word is controversial even on DU.

[proudretiredvet]

4. WOW.

What else can you say. When my daughter came out to me that she was bi my first words to here were that I loved her at that moment just as I always had.
That crap would not work in our home or our life.
Just WOW.

[madamesilverspurs]

5. Makes me thankful

for my family. My nephew didn't want to tell us; his parents didn't take the news well, sending him to one of those "cure the gay" therapists. He refused to go back after the first session. His mom passed from cancer about a year later, about the same time he got kicked out of a "christian" college when another student, whom he'd trusted, informed on him to the administration. He and his dad have struggled to rebuild their relationship; my brother is coming around, but my nephew still has a lot of hurt to deal with. He told us aunts last Christmas, and was terrified to tell his uncle (my other brother) who served three tours in Vietnam and looks like a Viking. He told his uncle when the two of them went outside to gather firewood. My brother looked him in the eye and put his ginormous hand on the kid's shoulder and asked him if he was happy. When my nephew answered in the affirmative, my brother just looked at him and said, "Fine. Now help me with the firewood." No more discussion since, and my nephew knows that he is very much loved.

[William769]

7. His father is an asshole.

& reading around DU on some posts, his father is definitely not alone.

[theHandpuppet]

12. Like many LGBTs, Michael has created his own family

The Times reported that when Sam returns to his hometown he usually stays with friends instead of his family.

"I'm closer to my friends than I am to my family," Sam told the newspaper.

[William769]

15. I know that feeling all to well.

In my younger years, I had no choice but to do that.

[Behind the Aegis]

16. Yes. I am fortunate I have both.

Many seem to forget that our coming out takes a great deal of courage!

[Fearless]

18. Very true

Personally, my family (older generations than myself) was not supportive of me. So I made my own family, of people who loved and cared about each other. And I've never been happier. Granted some of the older generations have come around since then, they played no part in my maturation and my growth into the adult I am. I suspect much the same for Michael Sam, and countless others. We grow in spite of adversity. It's a shame that such adversity can come from within family, which is supposed to be a safe haven for a child.

(Although I will stress too that I don't think it's just an LGBT feeling, although it is certainly prominent, if not preeminent in our community.)

[Fearless]

17. When you have a problem go drink it away.

You wonder why his brothers are in jail and his family is in disarray with a winner like that for a father.

Here's a fucking idea.... Grow up and be a father to your son.

As far as I'm concerned, your son has a million times more character than you.

[closeupready]

22. +100,000.

[dbackjon]

20. Newsflash Dad

You have one son murdered, another missing and presumed dead, two more in jail.


The Gay One is the one that made it out - the one you SHOULD BE PROUD OF.