Showing my face

[HillWilliam]

Ready for Antiques Road Show <lol>

Now you have an idea who you're talking to.

I owe y'all a huge debt of thanks for the love and support you've sent since my beloved passed. You've kept me upright and motivated to keep breathing.

[mitchtv]

1. Thanks for the pic

Hang in there, you are an American story

[LeftofObama]

3. You're a good lookin guy! n/t

[HillWilliam]

7. I think you hit it right on the head

When they cross The Bridge, they take a goodly chunk of your soul with them. I look at it this way: if the only way I can get to Heaven is in pieces, that will be enough. Those pieces will be with the ones I love the most.

Look, if you need an ally who has just been there and is slowly finding a way out, please to heaven PM me. When Rob passed, I like have to lost... no, I *did* lose my damn mind. DU is a testament to the adage that your friends will get you through, even if it's just an occasional word of encouragement. Sometimes, a word or two makes all the difference in being able to get up in the morning or just lay there and think "aw, screwit." That latter ain't healthy. I'm pretty sure Rob wouldn't have approved of me caving in. I've been entrusted with taking care of his dream of making a little farm of this place and keeping our furdaughters healthy.

I still cry every day and expect I will for a long time yet. Go ahead and cry when you need to. It's *normal* and for a while you'll take anything that seems normal.

My love and thoughts are with you.

[Behind the Aegis]

5. You kept yourself upright...you are an amazing man.

I look to you for strength. Thank you for sharing yourself with us.

[HillWilliam]

9. The strength I have

is the strength y'all lent me. The PMs, the phone calls, the FB notes... all of it kept me from going completely stark-raving. This has been a particularly rough year.

I could so easily have been completely paralyzed from depression and exhaustion. Y'all let me cry and rant and carry on then set me on my feet again.

Somewhere in it, I decided Rob would be ashamed if I let this change of existence conquer me. You see, he and I always tackled everything together, two halves of exactly the same thing, his sword and my shield. After thinking and saying "we" for so long, there's only me left. Someone has to take care of the furkids.

Since March I've taken off 50 pounds, started eating right, and (G'd help me!!) doing a tiny bit of exercise. There are seven lives depending on me, so it would behoove me to do my best.

When I arrive on the other side of the Bridge some day, I want him there saying "You made me proud" -- NOT shaking his head with disappointment.

[xchrom]

6. nice.

is it possible for you to get to durham for dinner sometime?
i usually do dinner with a bunch of guys on the weekend -- neighbors actually.

you might enjoy the company.

[HillWilliam]

8. I'd LOVE to!!

I understand there's a few guys in Durham who get together at Nosh (on the north side) on Wednesdays. I'm going to try to meet the bunch this coming Wednesday. A weekend outing would be wonderful, too!

Y'know, I work in Durham, at RTP on the south side.

To tell the truth, I'm just now feeling able to deal with humanity again. It would be so cool to meet you at last!

[xchrom]

10. a lot of the guys are scientists at the EPA -- so you work really close to them.

imagine -- Queen Scientist Geeks -- who knew?

[HillWilliam]

11. I work at a start-up incubator in RTP

so yeah, I'm surrounded by Queen Scientist Geeks. I'd be in familiar company!

If I didn't know better, I'd say the building I'm in was a queer-factory <lol>

[xchrom]

12. !

[HillWilliam]

17. Have I told you lately you're an awesome human being?

I'm telling you now. It was great meeting you and your friends.

I'm shy and socially awkward but y'all welcomed me and put me at ease. Your words of encouragement mean the world.

[bigwillq]

13. Looking good!

Nice tat from what I can see of it. What is it?

[HillWilliam]

14. Feeling a lot better these days, too, thanks!

After Rob had his heart attack and one of our dearest friends did too (he survived) it dawned on me I better clean up my act. Took off about 50 pounds so far, only a little more to go. My aged back and knees are thanking me <lol>

That was my second tat, a Pegasus, that's slowly growing into a sleeve. Sort-of a decades-long project

[Heidi]

15. I hope you don't mind me saying

that you have that smart, fun, kind-hearted and warrior-esque vibe that I find so attractive. You come highly recommended, too.

Swooningly submitted,

Heidi (wife of Call Me Wesley, mom of The Wiley and Excellent Boy Cat Named Ginger)

[HillWilliam]

16. <> What you see is in part a creation of this family

Warrior? Not much. Brave? Not at all. When I needed you all, here you were to help find the pieces and encouraged me to find ways to start putting them together.

It has long been time to acknowledge that and let you see whose elbow it was you grabbed. The PMs, the phone calls, the shouts in threads made a difference.

Y'ALL made a difference -- a big one.

For that, I can't thank everyone enough.

[nomorenomore08]

18. I don't know you, at all, but I was very sorry to hear what happened to your partner/husband.

And I'm glad you've been able to cope with it as well as you (apparently) have. I rather doubt I could do the same, in your position.

[HillWilliam]

19. So far "coping" is about it

I'm working on accepting and dealing. My natural inclination is to shut down completely but with a flock of furkids to tend and our micro-farm to run shutting down ain't in it. Well, to admit the truth, for the first couple of months I was completely freaked out. I thank What/Whoever each and every day for the everyone's support and encouragement. Y'all made the difference, lending strength when I had none at all.

This is by far the longest Rob and I have been apart since our very first date. It's still totally surreal to me but with so many little lives depending on mine the only choice is to accept the job the universe has tasked me with, to face it with purpose, and to try to make my baby proud of me until the day we're put back together again.

<3