Thank you all and the most specially
It's easy to know what to say to our straight friends. Society teaches people how to comfort and how to comfort heterosexual couples when one partner is lost.
Here and only here at DU did I read words of comfort about the loss of my husband. For that, I am grateful. You have done something particularly kind that deserves a particular kind of thanks.
You understand who my beloved was to me. It's so difficult to bear when the phone rings constantly, you know your friends are desperately trying to comfort, then they stumble for a word. You didn't hesitate. Your love was unquestioned and gratefully received.
Thank you for the word. I needed to see it. That was special. Somewhere in the last day as I was trying to shake off shock and work on facing grief I had this thought:
If there were such a thing as true and just karma, then those who disparage my last 17 years should be made to follow my husband and me on any day of that spans of time. Pick a day, any day, and be a fly on the wall. Then that one should be made to feel 1% of my grief now and tell me, please just tell me my marriage wasn't "real".
You gave me that word. It may have been a small, or "normal" thing to you, but to me it has been the music I've missed anywhere else.
I have read so many kind posts. The volume of kindness here and in the community at large has overwhelmed me.
DUers may scrap and fidget, but when there are really, really hard things to get through (and this is without doubt the hardest I've ever faced) we rally together.
= new reply since forum marked as read
He is gone from you physically, but emotionally and intellectually, he will always be with you, inside you, always.
The pain and the love for your husband was reflected in your words, there is no way, anyone could ever doubt your love and pain is nothing but real. When you belong to a small community within a community, we tend to understand, sometimes without words, the needs of those within our circle.
We will continue to be here for you, and I honestly feel I can speak for a number of people in our community is this regards. We will laugh with you, cry with you, rage with you, smile with you, and walk with you, holding your hand in spirit. It is what we do for our loved ones, even the ones from the inter-tubes. 
and you have little idea how long a way that went. CalPeggy, Will Pitt, Nance Greggs, Will Parkinson, and quite a few others have kept up with me on FB as well. When I was here in this house alone, the house I got for Rob, his dream, I was completely freaking out.
But it turned out I wasn't alone. All of you were there when I needed you most. You carried me in your arms and your words until my "brother from another mother" David could get here. He and I knew Rob better than anyone on earth. He and I need to grieve together alone, if you know what I mean, to keep each other from freaking out entirely.
We have our kinship here in the house, he and I, and we have you.
I am truly blessed.
I missed the first thread. And I'm extra sorry that some people can't get the basic concept that we love, we lose, we grieve and it has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with being human. I'm so sad that you aren't getting the basic kindness of sympathy and support in your real life. This really is one of the hardest things we face and we should never have to face it alone.
They stumble at the word "husband". They stumble. They stop. There's an awkward lacuna. Then they stutter "friend". "Significant other". "Buddy". Occasionally a person can ease into "partner". I can go with that.
The point is they shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable. I'm glad for any acknowledgment to be sure. I'm very, very grateful for the support at all, believe me.
To tell the truth, the nights are the hardest. I've cried until my eyes are completely raw. I try to sleep and am successful for an hour at a time to awaken with a panic attack, thinking "Oh, it was just a nightmare. Calm down, it's okay, it was just a horrible dream."
Then I realize. It's not a nightmare. It's my nightmare. Morning finally comes and the phone that has rarely ever rung starts its incessant demands. Delicate negotiations with his parents who haven't spoken a word to one another in 40 years. (I live in NC where, thanks to Amendment One, I have no rights.) Supplying documents for the funeral home that only I have but have only a minimal right to offer. Planning a last long trip to his family cemetery for which I'll have to find the money after making funeral arrangements. So much to think of... yet I seem to be "friend", "buddy", "housemate", "significant other".
One day we will be equal. Let me tell you, today is not yet that day. It's times like these that really drive that point home.
right back my friend. I feel the love and I know I'm not alone.
knows who you are and who he was and all about you guys. You have our undivided love-both of you.
Join us in the bereavement group when you are up to it.
aA.
Kesha
And I'm not poetic. I can't express it beautifully.
But I know there is no pain like losing the love of your life. The way you described the waking from a dream only to realize..........
And now I'm at a loss for words.
Really.
For now, the emotional rollercoaster. When you have calmer moments, then do the next right thing.
The next right thing includes doing what you need for yourself--so important because you need your wisdom and courage to keep moving forward. Don't need to move forward in large strides...for now, just what's right in front of you is plenty.
Do you have a network of friends? You NEED loving support and people who aren't doubled over in pain now. They can help you think straight about all these issues. If you're isolated, finding a support group would be very important (doesn't sound like you are, but I just wanted to put out the reminder.)
Anyway....... ah gee....grief is just the worst. The absolute worst. 
Please accept my wife's and my deepest condolences for the loss of your husband. You are now living my worst nightmare. You have our best wishes.
PEACE! 
For now, a digital hug will have to do.
my deepest condolences
While the sorrow is vast, the memories of the years you and your husband spent together will always be with you.
no words, just respect and hugs. I am sorry for your great great loss.we are here for YOU, HillWilliam.
A song for you, brother.
It's going to be a hella-long day, from NC to northern WV and back. I'm like the old widda in the shoe now with the furkids; no one to watch them today so it's a 500-mile, one-day round trip.
Rob and I used to love road trips when we first got together. We'd talk, joke, and laugh so much the time would fly by. There was never enough time to be in each other's company. Our best friend, one who has been a big brother to both of us for decades, is coming with me. Well, coming with me and a box of stardust.
One positive, though. His mom and dad have not spoken a word to one another in 40 years. Through no small amount of diplomacy, I've managed to bridge a gap. The three of us have come together in mutual support. Rob started building that bridge. It was a privilege to be able to put the last few planks in it.
When I hit the road in an hour or so, I'll take your love and support with me. Thank you. That love has been the caring arms that have held me up.
I'll check in tomorrow.
