Need some advice

[Arcanetrance]

Recently my niece came out to me citing the fact that I'm the only open minded person in the family. Sadly our family crawls with conservative asses. Anyway she's trying to find a way to tell the rest of the family but she's scared. I don't feel my advice is the best because mine is say what needs to be said and screw Em if they don't like it which has led to a decade plus of silence between most of them and me. So anyway any ideas for her.

[dballance]

1. I Think Your Advice is the Best Advice Actually

If they are adamantly opposed to homosexuals' existence and unlikely to change their mind just because they now find they have a homosexual relative then it won't matter how she tells them. They will remain bigots and may ostracize her. Particularly if they live in one of those areas not really known for its open-mindedness and ability to change with the times.

My cautions would be about how this might affect her, not them. If she relies on any of them for any kind of support such as financial support or room and board then I might actually advise her to keep it to herself until she's in a position to be fully independent of them or has alternatives. I don't feel that's cowardice, I feel it's just good sense.

If, however, she's already out on her own and fully independent then I'm good with "say what needs to be said and screw 'em if they don't like it." It would be a good thing for her self-concept to have it out in the open. She'll never change the minds of some of them. It just won't happen. So she has to be prepared to write them off and do without them in her life. That's sad but it is reality.

For the record. I'm a gay man and didn't come out to my family until I was about 40. Fortunately for me, my family was totally supportive. When I took my partner home to TN my whole family treated him just like one of the family just as they would any of my sibling's spouses. I'm one of the lucky ones.

[Arcanetrance]

3. She moved to Texas and is staying with family there

I told her if it does get bad I will buy her a plane ticket here she can stay with me she just turned 18 so she can leave without much fuss.

[reverend_tim]

4. She is only 18 so it can wait.

With a family like you described, she should consider getting out on her own, getting an education, and then a career. When she is independent financially and emotionally, she will be ready to handle un-accepting family members better. Why put herself thru drama at this time. If you can, and are willing to provide a safe place to grow all the better.

[Behind the Aegis]

2. P-FLAG is a good place to start.

Look at the website, and then for a local chapter. They will have good ideas because the situation is undoubtedly complicated, and more so than your post. It is difficult to be more specific without having quite a bit of information, which is why I am suggesting P-FLAG, or a local college/university GLBT group. I used to counsel people in this position for years and the initial conversation is always a long one.

I wish you both luck, peace, and happiness!

[pinto]

5. Second that. P-FLAG is a good, experienced resource.

[Fearless]

6. In cases like these she needs to protect herself as much as she needs to be herself.

IMHO she should put herself in a position where she isn't dependent on those people before telling them. Or do so as much as possible to limit the negative that may happen when she does. Obviously if she depends on them for food. shelter. etc. it may behoove her to wait a little bit. Get into college, go off somewhere else and grow as an independent person. then come home and if she's ready, tell them. IMHO of course.