Suggestions For Heartland's 2016 Climate Fest: The Mayor Of Amity, The Black Knight, Hiroo Onoda
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Heartland’s 10th International Conference on Climate Change wrapped up last week in Washington, D.C. Senator Jim Inhofe, the alpha dog of congressional climate denial, keynoted, as did Lamar Smith, the Chair of the House Science Committee. Good times, distinguished guests.
The rest of the agenda was populated with what Captain Renault in “Casablanca” would have called “the usual suspects.” Willie Soon, apparently unabashed from revelations of his seven-figure windfall for climate research funded by ExxonMobil and Southern Company, talked climate science, accompanied by two former state climatologists who left in a cloud of controversy, Pat Michaels of Virginia and David Legates of America’s lowest-lying state, Delaware. Mark Steyn, defendant in a defamation lawsuit from Penn State climate scientist Michael Mann, also delivered a keynote. The suit is a result of online columns from Steyn and others likening Mann to convicted child molester Jerry Sandusky, a former Penn State assistant football coach.
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The theme for this year’s conference was “A Fresh Start,” with a logo featuring a silhouette of an exuberant man clicking his heels while multiple parts of his body emit a strange glow. Interesting choice, but here’s another “Fresh Start” for next year’s gathering. I suggest a new slate of Heartland speakers for 2016:
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Politics: Hon. Larry Vaughn, Mayor of Amity Island
In the epic movie “Jaws,” released 40 years ago, virtually everyone in the fictional seaside resort of Amity Island is terrified in the wake of an apparent shark attack. But hizzoner is terrified of something different: Taking a tourism beating due to shark fear. After the first fatality, Mayor Vaughn muscles the medical examiner into declaring that a boat propeller had cut the poor woman in half, and in the movie he blocks the sheriff from closing the beaches as a safety precaution. Surely the Heartlanders could benefit from a character who practiced shark denial 40 years before climate denial peaked.
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Military: Lt. Hiroo Onoda, Imperial Japanese Army
Few in history could stick to a plan in spite of overwhelming evidence like Lt. Onoda. Dropped into the Philippine jungle in 1944, Onoda and a handful of colleagues staged guerilla raids for a quarter century, until Onoda was the last man standing. He rejected multiple efforts by leaflet and bullhorn to surrender, reasoning that this surrender stuff was part of a massive hoax. In 1974, he came out only when his elderly, retired commanding officer went into the jungle to order him out.
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International leadership: Monty Python's Black Knight
In the midst of his quest for the Holy Grail, King Arthur (played by Monty Python’s Graham Chapman) encounters a fierce Black Knight blocking his path. When the Knight refuses to yield, Arthur slices off one arm, then the other. The Black Knight refuses to give up, denying he’s been injured while kicking at the King. Arthur removes the Black Knight’s final two limbs, and rides off, while the Black Knight’s torso claims victory. He’s a good match for Heartland’s relentless self-congratulation, most recently on display when they sent a delegation to Rome to “advise” Pope Francis on climate change. They didn’t exactly get an audience, and Heartland’s hotel-room press conference didn’t get much of one, either.
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http://www.environmentalhealthnews.org/ehs/news/2015/jun/heartland-climate-change-denial-science
