Those Bolshevik Rapscallions And Their Blasted Velocipedes

[phantom power]

wtf?

According to Rabinowitz (who along with Grover Cleveland invented the Cleveland steamer – not that she gets any credit or royalties from it – TRUE FACT), these be-wheeled virginity robbers will unleash a wave of terror and lawlessness not seen since that nice young man, A. Mitchell Palmer, was brought in to make the streets safe once again; allowing ladies of refinement and pleasant temperament to safely stroll down to the local confectionery for an ice cream soda or maybe to the apothecary for a bottle of laudanum for when the menstrual cramps hit like a Jack Johnson gut punch:

“Do not ask me to enter the minds of the totalitarians running this city.”

“I would like to say to the people who don’t live in New York… envision what happens when you get a government run by an autocratic leader.”

“We now look at a city whose best cities are absolutely begrimed by these blazing blue Citibank bikes.”

“It is shocking to walk around this city.”

“The most important danger in this city is not the yellow cabs… it is the cyclists, empowered by the city administration.”

“I invite the mayor… to stand on Lower 5th Avenue and see exactly what happens every day.”

Chaos! Anarchy! Pandemonium! Dusky-skinned negroes failing to step aside and humbly doff their cloth caps when a lady walks by!

Obviously that ne’er-do-well Bloomberg (Bloomberg!) must be on the take because, let’s face it, he’s going to be out of a job real soon and NYC ain’t a cheap town to live in like, say, San Francisco.

What say you, Dorothy?:

“The bike lobby is an all-powerful enterprise.”

Behold the power of Big Schwinn.

http://tbogg.firedoglake.com/2013/06/02/those-bolshevik-rapscallions-and-their-blasted-velocipedes/

[krispos42]

1. Had to look up "velocipedes"

Nice touch!

[phantom power]

2. Oh even better, here's the actual video

http://live.wsj.com/public/page/embed-C6D8BBCE_B405_4D3C_A381_4CA50BDD8D4D.html

[muriel_volestrangler]

3. You have to watch the video - it's hilariously like an Onion parody

Who can't laugh at lines like

‘Do not ask me to enter the minds of the totalitarians running this government of the city.’
...
‘Envision what happens when you get a government that is run by an autocratic major before which you are helpless,’ she said. ‘We now look at a city who’s best neighborhoods are absolutely begrimed by these blazing blue Citibank bikes.’
...
‘The fact that a city is helpless before the driven, personal, and ideological passions of its leader in the interest, allegedly, of the good of the city, can take many forms, but we have seen the most dramatic exposition of this in our city …’

‘With the latest example of this being the bike share program,’ the moderator finished.

She seems to put Bloomberg on a par with Godzilla in his ability to rampage through New York. The city is helpless, I tell you! Run for your lives!

[phantom power]

4. people... riding *bicycles* -- blue bicycles! The horror...

Also, I liked the bit at the very beginning where the moderator seems to imply that the main reason a person would ride a bicycle is to "feel like they are in Paris"

Right, because there are no other possible motivations for bike riding aside from wanting to emulate (gasp) The French.

[hatrack]

5. Best comment from the FDL thread

I don’t think Dorothy’s been the same since she was the last woman to give James Garfield a handjob before his unfortunate accident by someone who may have been the first Tea Party candidate just watering the tree of liberty and whatnot. (citation needed)

[wtmusic]

6. Evidently Dorothy isn't old enough to remember NY in the 1980s

when it was safe, clean, and bike-free.

[hatrack]

7. Seriously, though, this has to be one of the funniest examples of pearl-clutching hysteria EVAH

The comments in the FDL thread are truly worth your time!