Scientists Consider New Names for Climate Change

[GliderGuider]

Scientists Consider New Names for Climate Change

NEW HAVEN (The Borowitz Report)—After a report from the Yale Center on Climate Change Communication showed that the term “climate change” elicits relatively little concern from the American public, leading scientists are recommending replacing it with a new term: “You will be burnt to a crisp and die.”

Other terms under consideration by the scientists include “your cities will be ravaged by tsunamis and floods” and “earth will be a fiery hellhole incapable of supporting human life.”

Scientists were generally supportive of the suggestions, with many favoring the term “your future will involve rowing a boat down a river of rotting corpses.”

“Any of these terms would do a better job conveying the urgency of the problem,” Tracy Klugian, a spokesperson for the newly renamed Yale Center for Oh My God Wake Up You Assholes, said.

[Blanks]

1. Global March to death has kind of a ring to it.

[hatrack]

2. I always thought "AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!" had a nice ring to it . . .

Thanks, GG!

[LiberalEsto]

3. One word:

DOOM